…will not be taking celebratory Zamboni joy rides on one of their own this year! Institutional Investor’s Alpha magazine came out with its annual list of the highest paid hedge fund managers today. Here’s who made the most in 2008, calculated by “the managers’ shares of their firm’s performance and management fees, as well as gains on their own capital invested in their funds.”
Obviously there’s a big pink elephant in the room right now, so we might as well acknowledge it by comparing this to 2007′s top earners.
I honestly feel like I’ve been slapped in the face with a Twinkie right about now. How did this happen? HOW? I don’t ask this to be mean,* I genuinely need to know. We knew things didn’t end so great in 2008 (and there was a li’l outburst in the fall) but we didn’t know they were this bad. Someone please help us to understand how this came to pass. Last we heard things at CR Intrinsic– which is, or was, significantly comprised of Cohen’s personal capital, kind of a major factor in the rankings– were a bit tense but we never could have anticipated a blow of this magnitude.
In hopefully unrelated news, Alpha will reveal its NBC reality TV-inspired list of Biggest Losers tomorrow, a group of managers who together lost $6.2 billion in personal wealth last year. But delayed gratification is overrated, so, amongst yourselves, please determine now which names will be named.
*Though, to that end, and in the interest of full disclosure, there is a selfish element to all this. See, gang, heretofore, we’ve been able to so guiltlessly rib the big guy because a) we’re doing it from a place of love, and not hate and b) he’s been insulated from whatever we send his way by a 100 foot radius of estrogen pills, leaf cookies and mega, mega wealth. Now that he’s destitute, we might actually feel a little bad and have to momentarily consider laying off him. Or: continue doing what we’re doing, but send him a cheesesteak for lunch, on us. It’ll be one of these two options, for sure.
**PS, condolences to KG, as well, but we think the wife’s fund had not too terrible a year, so things can’t be THAT bad. If that’s not the case, hit us up for some cash later. We know you’re good for it.
The rest of the list, which will also be filled in by Alpha tomorrow.
First
(Yeah, I’m still awake bitches!)
I’m sorry, congrats to Paulson. He’s a humble man, and very “around the bend” when it comes to analysis (see: everyone thought he was fucking retarded in late 2006/early 2007).
Well done, John. And many more.
@LA- excuse me, this is about steve cohen, who you should be offering your condolences too RIGHT NOW.
SF: It must be hard to fall that hard from the top into a large pile of money.
@4- who the fuck is SF?
i just saw the biggest cameltoe on bloomberg asia. w.t.f.
3,
If everyday is a salmon-pink polo, popped-collar day, where do we go from there?
No harm? Absolutely no foul.
At the end of the day, who’s eating grecian yogurt, playing tetris in a hot-tub?
Stevie. That’s who.
@lowly- I’m really surprised, and disappointed in you. I would think you of all people would understand how upsetting this is.
My PM is a fucking idiot
@9- um, great? care to fill that comment out with a few more details that might incentivize any of us to care (where do you work, who is your PM, why is s/he an idiot, amusing anecdotes, etc)? this ain’t your diary.
8,
He has yogurt, a jacuzzi, size 10 pumps, and a functioning zamboni. What else is there? Really?
2008 is so 1995.
@lowly- he hasn’t learned to appreciate what he has and not what he doesn’t have, and needs our help and compassion, and not for us to shrug and go “well, that’s life.”
Oh god. i can’t take this stuff anymore….and ben affleck quits smoking with hypnosis – just what’s going on?
http://tinyurl.com/ctn8zs
madness – that’s what….
are we allowed to question renaissance here or will it prompt that guest to appear and say, “what are you implying?!”
so how would you characterize the top earner strategies? algos? macro? bear? bear energy?
rentech – quant
paulsen – hmmm…bear? deep value?
Cent – energy, guy used to trade for ENE…btw Arnold just got RAPED in the gas pits last Thurs
Soros – macro, value (activist?)
Bwater – quant, macro
Cax – macro
@15
What are you implying?
@16 when you say activist is that financial or political?
when I say activist i’m leaving my tin foil hat off and saying financial. if i wanted to throw the foil hat back on, i could say both. Anyone who backs a political party to the degree he did should be considered an activist. Rumor had it his fund was propping up the mkt into the election to stabilize confidence.
SUPERFUND!?
If nothing else Baha should be there for gaudy marketing and an even gaudier office near Bryant Park-ish area. That should have been sign #1 that this guy was a hitter, uh, or something…
with these kind of numbers, they all must have had their performance fees triggered. bess, you’re the numbers lady. did they all have positive 2008 YTDs?
Ok, I know the douche who defends him (or it is him) will come on here and try to b-slap me saying in a really light in the loafers way “they are multi-strat that is how you moron.” BUT, the top earner, let’s get this straight again; his Funds to outside investors are always down, but his fund with all his money is always up over 100%? How Bernie like
Paulson used to focus on merger arbitrage, but he opportunistically moved into credit when he developed a thesis. Merger arb still dominates his equity investing.
Which one Erin Burnett is sleeping with?
where is Porsche? these guys are chumps.
Dalio would make a great CNBC morning quest, he gets what is going on with economy. As the world waits for Obama to call a Camp David summit with the best and brightest it so does await a Dalio FT op-ed.
@22
Why do you insist on continuing to make yourself look like a fool? You think Simons is on here, replying to comments from your retarded ass? Listen, you have no idea what you are talking about. All of his money isn’t in the fund that has had the great returns. He has plenty of cashish in the ones that are down too.
Smooches,
The guy who is a douche because he knows what he is talking about.
@27 how much does he pay you to hide that he is Bernie Sr? Idea: Have a fund that is up over 100% for only your money and then have other funds that are always down with outsiders money. make millions of trades with heads i win and tails i win for my fund and opposite for the other. have fun playing ruth in the sequel
28-
Dude, give it up. You don’t know what you are talking about. How do you explain his track record of extreme success before the outsiders funds were around? How do you explain the fact that the outsiders fund made money when it was first started, but started losing money when the S&P started its decline, AS IT IS INTENDED TO DO AND AS EXPLAINED IN ITS MARKETING MATERIALS.
@29
Who are the administrators? the auditors? the prime broker?
I am thinking of looking at this Fund for an investment. Thanks!
@29 just like the Ponz. You go Ruth Jr.
Is Centaurus Energy connected to Bear Stearns Centaurus Energy since they both have similar names and are located at the same address in Houston, Texas?