We wouldn’t go so far as to say that Bernie Madoff is headed off for Federal Pound Me In The Ass Prison, but it promises to be a decidedly unpleasant facility. Still, apparently one adjusts to the new decor after being disabused of the Hollywood prison projection. (Be that good or ill).
Bales, of Federal Prison Consultants, said his newly convicted clients typically expect the worst, their nightmares of prison rape fueled by television shows like “Oz” and movies like “The Shawshank Redemption.” But once they end up behind bars, some inmates are pleasantly surprised to find that it’s not as dangerous as they’d thought, he said.
Madoff, should he plead guilty as expected, will certainly want to select his facility of choice. (Sorry Bernie, Camp Cupcake of Martha Stewart fame is not an option). But, since our readers know more about anything than anyone, we thought we’d do a little survey.
Do you think Madoff will get his first pick?
According to Bales, that’s likely to be the facility in Fairton, N.J. “It’s one of the best places to do your time,” said Bales. “They send a lot of senators there and attorneys.”
We can keep track of ole Bernie with the Fairton News Wire blog, (ok, actually its just an automated feed blog, but that would have been rich!) and he will get to enjoy the culinary delights of the prison commissary:
In 1930 the Department of Justice authorized and established a Commissary at each Federal institution. The Commissary was created to provide a bank type account for inmate monies and for the procurement of articles not regularly issued as part of the institution administration. The purpose of individual inmate Commissary accounts is to allow the Bureau of Prisons to maintain inmates’ monies while they are incarcerated. Family, friends, or other sources may deposit funds into these accounts.
Actually, it might be a little dangerous to let Bernie have a bank account, no?
No Club Fed for Madoff [CNNMoney]
He might actually be safer in a prison filled with murders and other thugs, they probably don’t care who Bernie is, but at a cushy white collar place, where his cell mate had invested in a feeder fund to Bernie, get the shivs ready
How great would it be that the prick lives to 101.
Simple. The Jewish Prison upstate – he can become a baal teshuva like Jimmy Cayne.
He’s gonna be around until all the civil lawsuits are done with. Then he’s gonna call his cell mate a bitch so that his family can walk away with his life insurance proceeds. That’s the only reasons why he isn’t eating sleeping pills this evening.
better question: which prison gang will he join?
The Tribe will protect him.
Does Judaism forbid suicide?
Bunk him with Charlie Manson they can discuss Theology and feeder funds
@8 – I don’t know but I think it discourages stealing and defrauding.
Boesky did hard time
actually became a body builder prior to entry
Jews actually support suicide, as long as its a goyim.
don’t invoke PMITA, it’ll get Bawny all excited!
@6 – Leafing through my “Incarceration for Dummies” book, I’m thinking the Texas Syndicate or Dirty White Boys will take him. He’ll need Ruth to stash lots of cough syrup up in her orifices on Vistor’s Day because these boys are all about the meth.
@ 8 – Yes, but successful suicides are rarely prosecuted.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kh6LU0e3WgQ
bernie’s cellmate will be an enron guy, whom bernie will refer to as “piker” starting day one
The Reformed Broker
I had a mild mannered family member in a Federal medical prison about 6 years ago. He did a short “stretch’ for a drug related misprision. We were able to mail him the Wall Street Journal and some SFW magazines and paperback books via Borders. Mail was screened. He was able to buy basic sundries through the prison commissary. His only complaint was food related and that his prison issued socks were stolen before he could buy a lock for his locker. The Bureau of Prison folk we met as we checked in to visit him were very nice and professional. We met a former governor of Louisiana and saw him and his “newer” wife on many visiting days. But, you could only talk with your family member. Visits were very nice–everyone in one room, usually 30 inmates and some of their family and friends–and lasted for about 2.5 hours. You sat facing forward like in a movie theater under the watchful eye of cameras and 4 or 5 guards. Coffee machines and snack machines were available so as to “have dinner” together (on your laps).You had to go through security and you had to dress “respectable’ to get in. One of the inmates ran a photo concession so you could have your photos made. Our family member never complained of any “Oz” type problems. He was very glad to get out 8 months later and has been trouble free ever since.
I’m a dweeb…what’s a federal pound me in the ass prison?
The fishy sons are rape meat, not the old man.
@17 – Eddie, is that you? Don’t forget to mention Oakdale makes a fantastic gumbo on Tuesdays.
Somehow I’m not surprised that a Supermax is off the table.
Maybe someone can paint him in blackface and plant some crack on him so he actually goes to a real prison like some poor 18 year old sap in the projects would.
-C
#20 wins the thread hands down!
Fed minimum security prison is nothing. Rowland did time and ended up tutoring. Fed max is bad, but State (even State medium) is as bad as it gets. I was on an Amtrak once sitting across from a guy who just got out of Pleasent Valley and he looked like he just got back from Nam. All he could talk about was getting back to building high school football fields.
i hope he enjoys the taste of my cum
10+ years means no minimum security club fed.
Bern will probably end up in a max security penitentiary. The convicts there can be bad but like trojan said they are not the animals you hear about in the state joints. Money will get you very far. Lots of hired protection and you live like a relative king. The real money is exchanged outside of the walls through associates, not with cigarettes from the commissary.
serious medical problems can land him in a medical prison. These I heard can be very nice. One was open-dorm co-ed back in the 80′s. I shit you not.
He will end his days in more comfort than afforded most of those who choke on their own vomit in nursing homes. sad but true.
– someone in the know
I just want to know when he’s going to come out with a http://www.writeaprisoner.com profile? I’m sure his days are less than pleasant regardless of where he’s at now.