Vikram Pandit said late Monday night that Citi was profitable in January and February, in the memo heard round the world (that, whoopsies, forgot to postscript that shit, “You overall know the quarter’s still make us it’s bitch, right?”). Jamie Dimon said yesterday that JPMorgan was profitable in January and February, in a phone conversation with Dennis Kneale (still WTF’ing over that). Since he’s set to speak publicly at Boston College’s Chief Executives’ Club Boston in a few minutes, and because we have it on good authority the Boone’s was flowing early this morning, let’s decide now: will Ken Lewis be talkin’ profitability for the first two months of ’09? (And in a rambling slur of incoherence, adding, “Oh but the Q’s gonna hurt baaaaad. My balls are recoiling in fear just thinking about the write-offs, the one time special charges and the post-merger integration costs related to the absorption of a few big buckets of shit….no but seriously, I love Merrill Lynch. I LOVE YOU MAN.)
Update: KL: Bank of Amerillwide “probably won’t need assistance in the future” and “The last thing we need to do is start nationalizing banks.”