Anyone who frequents this here site knows that on any given day, they’re going to find some jokes at Steve Cohen/the SAC community at large’s expense. Given. Have we suggested that he shoots employees with hourly injections of high fructose corn syrup in order to get that “get up and go” out of them? Yes. Have we let it slip that Gary Busey was hired as a portfolio manager on a whim after meeting at a holiday party, where The Buse was manning the shrimp puff platter? Sure. Did we make public his wounded sense of pride at the idea of being out-toileted by a fellow Greenwich resident, and then accidentally mention that he put his best men on a special task force to shut that shit down? You betcha. Did we divulge the firm’s new pay for performance plan, wherein pay = one free ride around the building atop the Zamboni? Of course, more than once. Do we regularly give out the office’s main line for people “lookin’ for a good time”? You know the answer to that.
But, as previously stated, our gentle ribbings are offered up out of LOVE, not hate. We are laughing (with/at) SAC, not (at/with) them. You don’t have to dig too deep to figure that out. Nobody feels the same way about the big guy as we do, which is why we feel obligated to be the ones today to say, WTF?
Before we let you in on what we’re fucking, a couple things. 1) We love ourselves some Bethany McLean, and realize she probably had no part in the hideousness we’re about to object to and 2) The Vanity Fair article itself was great. But there’s a reason we only read VF for the articles, and here’s what: to whoever in god’s name came up with the illustrations, specifically the one “depicting” SC, you, kemo sabe have gone too far. (We’re not happy with the Ben Biffen pic, either, but all that really did was make him look like a mopey teenager.) An apology would be nice, a sheet cake large enough for the entire office necessary, but not sufficient. Tell us, DB, how can VF complete the kiss and make-up gift basket for S(A)C?
Couldn’t agree more. My jaw dropped as I clicked to page four last night and saw the unjust, horrendous depiction of Stevie (in all its MAC horror).
But then there’s this, which makes me question Steve, all together.
http://www.nerve.com/regulars/sexadvicefrom/zambonidrivers/
OMG he looks like a squirrel! Fantastic artwork. Stevie should buy the original print for a million dollars.
SERIOUSLY,
Too Long Didnot read (TLDR)
“the future is more golden than ever before?”
How about the fact that there are no sane banks left to lever you up 20:1?
send a transvestite stripper over to Stevie’s and let his outer animal come alive
Geithner speaking today, apparently understands why depressions happen, “Most governments make the tragic mistake of not doing enough soon enough.”
Um…how is he doing anything but running down that road? Here’s a clue: when the banks and insurance companies have failed, it will be too late to start the TALF.
pajama gram…ok this one was too easy…
send a mobile car detailer to his office and just have them start shining up his ride, anyone know what he drives to work?
On a totally unrelated topic, what’s the new nomenclature going to be for the hedge fund world?
Now that we understand that they weren’t actually “hedging” anything (given their spectacularly bad results), the sobriquet “hedge fund” is innaccurate. It also has depleted value as a brand, given the “roach motel” reputation.
I’m reminded of the vulture funds and leveraged buyout shops who became distressed debt funds (or “opportunity funds” LOL) and private equity funds. “Private Equity” still has a nice ring to it and that business model will still be pretty valid going forward (minus the tax benefits, naturally). Similarly, junk bonds morphed in to “high yield.”
So what’s the new name for a hedge fund?
Quant Fund
Trading Fund
Capital Investment Fund
@9:
High-Leverage High-Fee Mutual Fund
ZeroHedge reporting that SAC’s HR head quit:
http://zerohedge.blogspot.com/2009/03/sac-capital-loses-head-of-human.html
i have a question: Inflation or Deflation?
and one more thing, I am not GAY.
@11- what the fuck do we care about the one-off employment soap opera of sac? give us 30%, 20%, 10% or even 5%, but a single quasi-exec? stop wasting our bandwidth.
@9. FU Fund.
separated at birth? looks like Mr. Potato Head.
Hedge funds will become investment banks and investment banks became banks, silly.
“You might ask where these people are going to go. ‘There is a purge on Wall Street,’ says York Capital’s Parish. ‘The new dream job is a salary, health care, and Jamie Dinan buys you lunch every day.’”
Uh… Dinan?
a big basket of Acorns.
very funny Bess
18, read the fucking article you dunce.
Ya know, if Trump gave a rat’s ass, he could bail out all his Atlantic City properties by convincing all his wealthy buddies/frenemies to withdraw all their $ from the hedgies and put it all down on his tables.
Odds of coming out in the black can’t be any worse than they were/are at most HF’s, eh?
c’mon guys, Inflation or Deflation?… this is important!
gee, pictorial distortion is sooo deep. graydon ought to stick to being a bistro owner.
Yea I ate your food. What the fuck are you going to do about it? Next time I might take one bite and then put it back in the frig just to fuck with you.
After I eat your food I rub my cock and balls all over your phone. What the fuck are you going to do about it?
Oh, c’mon, Bess. Everyone knows that’s not Steve: the guy in the picture is too skinny, and he’s not wearing a fleece (or a negligee). Chillax, babe.
@9.
Managed Evolutionary Investment Fund
Pension Transparency Fund
Ponzi Diligence Contingency Fund
Social Security Administrative Fund
a monogrammed zamboni cover.
@9
new nomenclature would be
“investment club”
or
“betting pool”
i don’t know, I think the altered pic was more flattering than his normal one. Either way, anyone who looks like that deserves a lot of money………..