April 2009

  • News

    Allen Stanford Tries To Prove Innocence By Showing Us He’s Insane

    R. Allen Stanford gave himself up to prove he hasn’t given up. Stanford and lawyer Dick DeGuerin marched the few downtown blocks from DeGuerin’s office to the federal courthouse today to “surrender” Stanford to federal authorities even though there was no warrant for his arrest and he hasn’t been charged with any crimes. “We want […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 11:00 PM
  • News

    Stress Test Results To Be Delayed ‘Til Later Next Week Or Possibly Never

    What would make this all worth it is if we found out that when Citi and Bank of America submitted their rebuttals to the suggestion they need to raise more capital, they purposely told the government things are so much worse than anyone knows and sharing that information with the public would be deadly. The […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 8:45 PM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 04.30.09

    $$$ Mean Street: Chrysler — Our Long Nightmare Has Begun [Deal Journal] $$$ D Bank defends chairman over Ackermann [FT] $$$ Portfolio drinks away the pain [Daily Intel]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 6:11 PM
  • News

    On Again Off Again

    With all the talk of buying American lately, and with Obama taking the opportunity with the cameras to give Chrysler a bit of free endorsement work (Chrysler, we hope you file that on your taxes)… So these are some of the steps that we’re taking to make it easier for Americans to buy a car. […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 4:46 PM
  • News

    WSJ: Citadel To Try I-Banking On For Size

    Update: Citadel Investment Group is preparing to expand into investment banking as the Chicago-based hedge fund tries to rebound from last year’s massive losses. Citadel is expected to hire as many as five investment bankers, including Merrill Lynch & Co.’s Todd Kaplan, a leveraged finance specialist. The firm is expected to make the announcement in […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 4:35 PM
  • News

    The Original

    Well, if the details interest you, Chrysler’s petition in the United States Bankruptcy Court of Southern New York is an entertaining start. Our favorite section in these cases has to be the list of creditors holding the 50 largest unsecured claims. Woops. Chrysler_043009_Petition.pdf

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 4:32 PM
  • News

    Get Your Submissions In Now!

    For those of you on 24-hour delay (CNBC): After it was announced yesterday that hot piece of man meat Tim Geithner has been deemed one of the world’s 100 most beautiful, according to People, we asked you to nominate the thirty hottest financial services hacks. You’re off to a great start but we need more […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 2:51 PM
  • News

    SEC Chief Warns Regulator May Be Less Effective Than Usual In The Future

    Listen up, people. I know you’ve come to expect the Securities and Exchange commission to be on top of its shit and not completely worthless, but Mary Schapiro needs you to know that it’s almost a certainty that the regulator will be unable to uphold the standard it’s historically brought to the table. Why? ‘Cause […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 2:19 PM
  • News

    Take A Dip In Bill Ackman’s Bubble Bath

    You’ll have to shell out a few mill for the opportunity but we say it’s worth it. Target Boy has put his 115 Central Park West (not to be confused with 15 CPW) apartment on the market for $10 million, after his mother-in-law, Elliman executive vice president Marilyn Herskovitz convinced him it wasn’t worth the […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 1:47 PM
  • News

    The Unpopular Kids

    Meet the evil villains that won’t let Chrysler just escape its obligations to pay its creditors: As of last night’s deadline, we were part of a group of approximately 20 relatively small organizations; we represent many of the country’s teachers unions, major pension and retirement plans and school endowments who have invested through us in […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 1:28 PM
  • News

    Obama On Chrysler Recovery Restructuring 30 60 Day Bankruptcy (Live)

    12:08 pm: Obama in ‘da house. 12:13 pm: I can announce that I saved Chrysler, nothing is fucked, I am safeguarding taxpayer dollars, Fiat is going to save the day (oh and Canada too). 12:13 pm: Bob Nardelli is a cool guy. No. Seriously. (But he’s fired). The UAW cut down to the bone, and […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 12:08 PM
  • News

    How Deep Do You Think That Pool Is?

    So, it would be one thing if Steven Rattner’s firm was the only one accused of being tied up in a “pay to play” scandal for access to New York’s pension funds. It isn’t. Neither is Riverstone Holdings the only other fund stuck in the “fund my shitty movie distribution and I’ll send few hundred […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 11:54 AM
  • News

    Happy Birthday, Ashley Dupré!

    That’s right, ladies, our favorite governor bangin’ prostie turns 24 today! Since the noted hooker fucker is most likely not sending her a gift (the brute), we’ll just have to step up to the plate for him. Suggestions as to what she might like would be greatly appreciated (money’s no object). In the shorter term, […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 11:50 AM
  • News

    Breaking: TARP Complicates Bankruptcy (Who Knew?)

    Maria Bartiromo is reporting that a number of Chrysler’s non-TARP senior bondholders are precluded from conducting direct talks with the government at all. That is entertaining. Developing.

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 11:26 AM
  • News

    “Will The Employee Who Let Geoffrey Do An Interview With The WSJ Please Report To HR.”

    It is entirely possible that a demographic defined by the terminally capitalist-guilt ridden figure of Geoffrey Gwin is responsible for the likes of the Chrysler tennis match we have been enjoying this morning. One of 46 secured creditors to Chrysler LLC, Mr. Gwin was debating Wednesday whether to accept about 33 cents on the dollar […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 11:18 AM
  • News

    Meanwhile, In An Elevator At Citi

    Added yesterday. Apparently the fundamentals of good hygiene weren’t a matter of concern at the Big C until pig season. Previously, cornering colleagues in the elevator, hitting the emergency stop button, and injecting them with a strain of whatever disease you happened to be carrying at the time was fully encouraged. Related: TB At BAC […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 10:39 AM
  • News

    What Do Vikram Pandit, Jim Cramer, Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, Charlie Gasparino and Ken Lewis All Have In Common?

    They were robbed of a spot on Time’s 100 Most Influential list, after being teased with the prospect of such an honor, that’s what!* If you see any of these men today, stop and give them a hug– they’re gonna need it. Moving on. Among those who were inducted into the winner’s circle: T. Boone […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 10:23 AM
  • News

    Embrace The Chaos!

    If anyone harbored any illusions with respect to the crushing complexity involved in trying to restructure a firm before during or after bankruptcy, the last several hours should clear that question up nicely: 8:52 am EDT 9:16 am EDT 9:41 am EDT 9:54 am EDT The time-line betrays a nearly blind, almost naive optimism on […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 9:23 AM
  • News

    Wells Fargo: Keep Your Eyes, Hands (And Any Other Appendages That Might Be Used To Operate A Blackberry) Where We Can See Them

    Wells Fargo is apparently implementing some new cost cutting and productivity strategies today. The former is going down in the form of layoffs at Evergreen Securities in Charlotte. The latter is much more inspired. From the front lines: Among the new rules, and what I view as the most important, is that you aren’t allowed […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 9:22 AM
  • News

    Opening Bell: 04.30.09

    State Street Under Investigation (WSJ) The Mass Secretary of State is looking in to whether State Street misrepresented (flat out lied) to pension funds about the nature of its Bond Fund. “A document State Street provided to clients to describe the Government/Corporate Bond Fund said it would invest in a “broad-based, investment-grade fixed-income universe.” But, […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 8:01 AM
  • News

    Dealbreaker Afterhours: Chrysler Headed To The Suck

    One of the disadvantages of taking strong positions on economic events before the fact is the credibility sink one is subjected to on the flip side. Ouch. Failing one’s predictive tasks as an asset manager is a potentially career limiting mistake. Missing a call as a gambler is expensive, even dangerous- at least to limb […]

    / Apr 30, 2009 at 5:51 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 04.29.09

    $$$ Dr. Doom’s tips for entertaining: “Fun people and beautiful girls,” Roubini said, grinning. “I look for ten girls to one guy.” His friend Bill Clinton, he added, is a fan of this ratio. $$$ Fortress to Take Over Zwirn Hedge Fund Liquidation [WSJ] $$$ Bernard Madoff Celebrates Birthday In Jail and Disgrace [ABC]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 6:16 PM
  • News

    Ken Lewis Out As Chairman Of Bank Of America

    CHARLOTTE April 29 /PRNewswire/ — Bank of America Corporation today announced the results of management and shareholder proposals at the company’s 2009 annual meeting. All 18 directors were elected to the board by comfortable margins. In addition, management proposals regarding executive compensation and the retention of PricewaterhouseCoopers LLC as the company’s independent accounting firm were […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 5:40 PM
  • News

    Who Are The Most Beautiful People On Wall Street?

    Having discussed his looks at length on several occasions, we’ve been aware of the fact that a decent amount of the Dealbreaker audience regards Tim Geithner as a hot piece of man meat for quite some time. And it turns out you’re in good company. The Treasury Secretary, seen here bending over for the camera, […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 5:26 PM
  • News

    Slowly Back Away From The Printing Machine And Put Your Hands Up

    Paul Volcker sees the bottom. Right in front of his nose. And let us tell you something: As head of the Economic Recovery Advisory Board and a fact finding body on the United States Tax Code, Das Volk knows wherefrom he speaks- when the man says “stop the presses,” he means “stop the bloody presses” […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 4:41 PM
  • News

    Ken Lewis’ Fate “Too Close To Call”

    The key issue: Splitting the Chairman and CEO role (effectively stripping Lewis of the Chairman title) has moved from “still being tabulated” to “deadlocked” as the proxy vote is carefully counted behind closed doors. The situation is, of course, fluid.

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 4:20 PM
  • News

    Chrysler: Endgame

    Apparently, victory in the Chrysler battle will be announced presently: President Barack Obama plans to announce tomorrow morning that Chrysler LLC will be placed into Chapter 11 bankruptcy leading to an alliance with Italian automaker Fiat SpA, people involved in the matter said. Administration officials are still trying to resolve outstanding issues, and the plan […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 4:13 PM
  • News

    Did Prison Mellow Gordon Gekko?

    So much so that he began practicing yoga regularly, cut out red meat and made up with his sworn enemies who he previously vowed to skull fuck, after ripping said enemy’s eyeballs out do battle with? If the filmmakers are intent on referencing Dan Loeb’s character arc with any sort of accuracy, the answer is […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 3:43 PM

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