In these tough times, every so often, it's best to restate one's goals (making money), and achieve stated goals by getting back to basics.
From: [redacted]Sent: Wednesday, April 15, 2009 3:22 PM
To: +MER IBK (US-NY-E&P)
Subject: New Staffer in town
Team-
Wanted to formally announce [redacted] as the new Associate and Analyst staffer. In addition, wanted to thank [redacted] for his service to the group. [redacted] was dedicated, professional and fair. I know that he will provide [redacted] with a smooth transition. Given the uncertain times we continue to live with, I think it is critical for everyone to agree to a set of guidelines for staffing that will accomplish all of our objectives:
* generating revenue
* working on interesting transactions for clients
* building our franchise and reputation
* working in an environment that is pleasant and rewarding
To that end, we have designed some principles that we hope will align with these objectives. Given the change in staffing and our move to OBP, we have the opportunity to make a clean break from some practices of the past that have not worked so well and to also be mindful of the current market environment in the way we allocate resources going
forward. Below are the general guidelines to which I would like to ask all of you to adhere. Certainly, business and clients come first so if the situation warrants we can always make exceptions - but these exceptions will be granted on a case-by-case basis.
Responsible: Associates / Analysts- Work day starts at 9:00AM for everyone, exceptions can be granted based on advance explanatory email to team members and staffer.
- Please send an email to the staffer if you are at work past midnight.
Responsible: Staffer
- Any staffing requests received on Friday will be staffed out on Monday, unless specifically approved by me on an exception basis
- Weekend work for associates and analysts should be limited to one day, unless specifically approved by staffer on exception basis
- Work past midnight should be limited to 2 days prior to deadline for strategic pitches and live deals only (the "some dude" rule)
- Staffing update will be provided at each Monday morning meeting
Responsible: Officers
- All staffing requests should include details of project, work involved, timing and resources requested
- Size of books for pitches should not exceed 40 pages including appendix. Live deals can be an exception, but general objective of thin books should be kept in mind.
- Use conservative judgment in defining scope of presentation and analytics (keeping in mind workload vs. incremental benefit).
- Product groups (M&A, LevFin, CorpFin, etc.) to provide resources for any product-specific pitches/projects. Requesting officer should indicate to staffer who is/will be assigned from product side. Exceptions will require group head approval.
- Unless staffing requests are made through staffer, project work will not be counted in that junior person's workload for staffing purposes. Please route all work requests, however minor, through the staffer.
- When possible, please provide guidance to junior team members as far in advance of the meeting as possible to allow them to start the materials earlier.
Please stop by my office tomorrow or Friday so we can discuss this and make sure that we are all on the same page. We are all under a great amount of stress, exacerbated by the market uncertainties. In this environment we can only thrive if we all have shared purpose and aligned goals. I intend to provide each of you with development opportunities and market-based compensation.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 3:23PM
Nice guy alert. He will be taken behind the woodshed and shot in any respectable inv bank.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 3:26PM
The perfect combination of a commercial bank and an investment bank.
Day starts promptly at 9:00 a.m. and they'll try to get you out of there by midnight.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 3:27PM
Wow.....
Business must really suck when a staffer has the time to write this ong a Memo
HINT to Staffer
It will have zero positive impact to bonus
You will be inundated with whiny complaints 24/7 all the way from Associates in Jail (tru story at BS) to VPs with bloated wives giving birth....a future as a Group CAO/COO making less than an Associate
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 3:30PM
Did Bullett craft this beautiful piece of work?
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 3:30PM
Did Bullett craft this beautiful piece of work?
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 3:32PM
I dont think this memo was bad. Half these assholes should prob be on the bread line anyway.
But what is "market based compensation".
Posted by EZ2517 , Apr 16, 2009 3:33PM
These are great guidelines to follow ALL THE TIME, but who are we kidding?
They're making a comeback now because of the environment, but during good times, staffing best practices fall by the wayside.
I doubt these are even enforceable at most big banks. Definitely not at GS.
Could someone remind me why point 3 under Staffer Responsibilities is called the "some dude" rule?
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 3:34PM
[Redacted] BofA!!
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 3:56PM
To #3:
The email is not composed by the staffer. You know this because the composer makes a point of noting that some things will require his/her approval, while others will require the staffer's approval.
Posted by Billy Ray Human , Apr 16, 2009 3:59PM
"* working on interesting transactions for clients"
Ominous.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:00PM
Gotta love the Burger King manager mentality...workday starts at 9 AM.
The workday starts when clients want to talk to you...if its 7 AM, 2 AM or 10 PM.
And if I have nothing going on that morning, who cares what time I get into the office? Is this a bank or a Burger King?
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:06PM
@11. ok, let me guess. 2nd or 3rd year? not a wasp?
Posted by Investorcluzo , Apr 16, 2009 4:07PM
must have seen the Thomas Weisel letter and figured out that they needed to come out in a more pc manner. 9 am start? lofty goal, but we know the best we can expect from an IBD analyst these days is getting in before the market open. anyone above that should be in by 8:30/8:45. as for the "stop by my office...to make sure we're on the same page" - plz, that is the passive aggressive type "a" personality coming out. we know that means: if you don't understand and need me to b1tch slap it into you, stop by.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:12PM
This had to have come from the industrials groups
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:12PM
This had to have come from the industrials group
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:12PM
This had to have come from the industrials group
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:14PM
anyone think this came from the industrials group?
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:16PM
"- Work past midnight should be limited to 2 days prior to deadline for strategic pitches and live deals only (the "some dude" rule)"
AWESOME!! WTF is the "some dude" rule??
Posted by Investorcluzo , Apr 16, 2009 4:17PM
@14 - 17: double posting is one thing, but a quad? that gets you sent back to the yahoo board.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:23PM
what is a staffer? i work in trading
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:29PM
Cluzo, I think 17 was having a go at 14-16. Could be wrong but that's they way I read it.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:32PM
21 knows what's up.
-17
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:39PM
So the day starts at 9am unless you're at the office past midnight the night before (which should be ALWAYS for analysts). Good luck enforcing the 40 page limit on pitchbooks too.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:44PM
That had to put all this in a memo? I am even more frightened for BOA's survival. Bring back Gecko.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:48PM
Are those interesting transactions for clients, are they interesting in the Chinese sense?
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:50PM
40 pages include the cover sheet, team page, quals, section breaks, etc? i'm so glad i left this bullshit... can't remember doing a book < 40 pages and this email isn't going to stop that...
send an email if you're there past midnight? that just means everyone is going to turn their default email text off of HTML and send an email everyday from bberry saying they're there past midnight. fools.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 4:52PM
"Please stop by my office tomorrow or Friday so we can discuss this and make sure that we are all on the same page."
Another Chinese curse:
"May you come to the attention of those in authority."
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 5:07PM
@20 Analysts and Associates are typically considered generalists within a given group. So, if they are working in Technology investment banking, the analyst is equally likely to work on a deal for a semiconductor company, a software company or an telecommunications equipment company. The MDs and more senior bankers typically focus on a specific sub-sector. Given that the analysts are generalists someone needs to work as the go between and coordinate which projects the analysts work on. This person is the "Staffer". Admittedly, it is a pretty crappy job at the bank - the MDs aren't happy becase they all want the star to work on their deals/pitches. The analysts aren't happy because they are competitive and insecure at the same time... It is a goofy system that typically breaks down when MDs start giving their favorite analyst side projects. The memo tried to address that, but it always breaks down.
Posted by Investorcluzo , Apr 16, 2009 5:07PM
@17 and 21: I sit corrected, cleary was still woozy after reading the 3rd post. well played sir.
@14-16: triple post > double post. still banished back to the yahoo board.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 5:11PM
It was the "el Duderino" rule before BoA decided they were into that whole brevity thing.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 5:25PM
This is what happens when HR takes over the asylum. We're all dooooomed.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 5:37PM
The original doc has an actual name in place of "some dude"...
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 5:38PM
The original doc has an actual name in place of "some dude"...
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 5:39PM
They took me out to the woodshed once at A.G. Edwards when I wore a three-piece suit to work and my stoinker was broken!
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 5:47PM
i agree with 21
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 5:53PM
31 No, no, see 28, which explains this very well. The "Staffer" is not HR. This structure is common in professional firms. There's a person assigned to doling out the work, so that it gets spread evenly and in a way that develops people and maximizes productivity. Otherwise the internal clients (MDs in banking, partners at law firms, creative directors at ad agencies, it goes on and on) would be fighting over resources.
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 6:00PM
Fantastic. Such orginization and well laid out thoughts. Adding this to your Jell of the Month Club bonus (its the gift that keeps on giving, Clark) really makes it all work while at the end of the day!
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 6:19PM
@14-17 TMT
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 6:41PM
@38, 14-17 look at the "To" line. It's in the energy group...
Posted by baremarket , Apr 16, 2009 8:42PM
Oh silly Merrill people, when will they learn that the only "market based compensation" that matters is the CHARLOTTE MARKET (ie you will get nothing and like it)
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 9:56PM
Sadly @26 is right. The pitchbooks are usually way too thick for the material actually covered during a meeting. More often than not entire sections are skipped because the banker didn't bother to find out what the client was really focused on prior to the meeting. A good rule of thumb is the thicker the pitchbook, the dumber the banker.
- Fixed Income
Posted by guest , Apr 16, 2009 11:31PM
@15-17 - This is from the Energy and Power group (hence the E&P in the email to line - sent to all investment bankers in the Energy and Power group).
Posted by guest , Apr 17, 2009 10:52AM
As a client, I would have to agree with @41.
I can't tell you how many meetings I have to sit through where it's painfully obvious that no one sitting across the table took the time to do simple research - to read our SEC filings.
But the books look great.
No, you can't have my capital markets business; if I need a free printing/binding job I'll give you a call.
Posted by guest , Apr 17, 2009 12:42PM
#43 - for the love of all that is holy - spread the word - and maybe, just maybe... the lazy MD might start focusing, and the books will thin down - then the mullets in the bullpen can stop wasting at least some of their time.
but i dont have any real hope....
sigh