As previously mentioned, regulators have told Bank of America and Citi they need to raise more capital, “insinuations” (Lewis’s drunken words, not ours) with which the firms take issue and plan to appeal. Not to give the banks any credit, but on some level, you have to feel for them, in light of what they’re dealing with:
During that process, executives have griped that examiners were demanding detailed information from every corner of the sprawling organization, consuming thousands of man-hours without briefing anyone on what the government was looking for, according to people familiar with the matter.
The regulators are asking “a million questions” and it’s “very unclear what they’re aiming at,” one senior executive said earlier this month. “We can’t discern a pattern.”
Some bank executives have said that even after meeting with Fed examiners on Friday, they still don’t understand details of the government’s methodology for conducting the tests.
On the one hand, perhaps the government is being purposely vague about what they’re looking for (“top secret mission” and somesuch). On the other, more likely hand, regulators have no idea what they’re trying to “ascertain”– which they refuse to admit, as any good corrupt cop would– and are just breaking into the place and shoving random employees into broom closets and asking questions that have nothing to do with anything like “Who’s your urinal cake distributor”** and then telling the interrogatee (the first second year analyst they happened to cross paths with upon entering the joint) to “Shut up, no, answer the question, I SAID SHUT UP.”
Also included in the “process” are unannounced building break-ins (unnecessary as they could’ve just used the front door), and sealings off of Ken Lewis’s office, which he’s forced to stand outside of, just beyond the yellow tape, while a bunch of guys rifle through his drawers, every so often going “Found it!” (an ah-ha! moment that has nothing to do with the stress test but just unbridled glee at having stumbled upon one of the many (half empty) bottles of Boone’s K to the L has stashed around the place).
*And it’s not like they can mouth off, since it’s the government.
**This actually isn’t a good example, as the various answers are way more telling than you’d think. That’s all I can say about that at this time.
Its no big deal really. I’m sure the government won’t hand over any information to Goldman’s traders until Monday.
“sealings off of Ken Lewis’s office, which he’s forced to stand outside of, just beyond the yellow tape”
No doubt Paulson’s men trying to get the DNA splatter off the walls.
@2- “No doubt Paulson’s men”
hey sleeping beauty, how was your 3 month nap?
I think its pretty clear right now that the “powers that be” don’t have a f*cking clue, end of story.
@anal_yst- er, okay, but if we don’t make fun of them for this, how else are we to pass the next 8 hours?
They mostly come at night… Mostly.
Does anyone else remember that SNL fake commerical where Chris Farley takes the Nyquil and passes out for like 8 months? That is EXACTLY what we need to do drink a shitload of Nyquil and wake up in about 18 months.
Er, sorry to disagree with Anal. I think the whole point of the ad hoc nature of the “investigation” is so that the feds can jimmy the numbers to reach whatever conclusion they damn well please.
@8
I absolutely agree with you, however, I also agree with my previous comment, as the two are not mutually exclusive.