$$$ Jamie Dimon Coaches NBA Owners on How to Win in Losing Economy [Bloomberg]
$$$ Mr. Ackman has never been shy about speaking his mind. In high school, a friend suggested his yearbook epigram: “A closed mouth gathers no foot.” [NYT]
$$$ Eccentric Swede turned empty cans into gold [The Local]
$$$ Two Advisers Back Stripping Lewis of BofA Chairman’s Title [WSJ]
$$$ LPS Shares Hammered by Dow Jones Report [Housing Wire]
$$$ Jonathan Finger bangs for Ken Lewis ousting [The Deal]
Archive for April 2009
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to watch hundreds of people auto-fellate all at the same time? Or would this be characterized as a 1000-man circle jerk? If you have a pulse, you know that today was CNBC’s twentieth anniversary. Modesty never being one of the network’s strong points, we’ve been regaled with tales ’round the clock of how great it was then, and how great it is now. Every single guest made sure to mention it before moving on to discuss what he or she’d been invited on to talk about, and in the rare events they failed to do so, you almost expected the host at that time to clear his or her throat, offer an “ahem” and an “I’m waiting…” and a “what, no gift?” The above was the climax of today’s celebration.
The Obama Portfolio (Since Inception): +23.18%
Earlier: The Obama Portfolio
Today’s mini-meltdown, in case you missed it (starts circa 3:30, by 4:10 he’s stormed off the set, having declared, “I’ve said my piece”).
Have we really reached the point of unadulterated fantasy such that anyone still thinks GM is going to avoid not just bankruptcy but an ugly and protracted bankruptcy? Seriously, how much longer is the investing public going to tolerate C-Level executives who are either so out-to-lunch that they believe their own prattle, or so spun that nothing that escapes their lips has a signal-to-noise ratio that exceeds that of the Pioneer 10 spacecraft?
General Motors Corp Chief Executive Fritz Henderson said on Friday the automaker was readying detailed plans for a bankruptcy filing that now appears more likely even as it races to complete a business plan under federal oversight.
Henderson said GM faced no pressure from the Obama administration’s autos task force to make a decision on whether to file for bankruptcy before an established June 1 deadline and said it was “feasible” that the automaker could still avoid bankruptcy despite the short time frame remaining.
CNBC had Patriarch Partners founder Lynn Tilton on earlier to discuss the battle (30 bids and counterbids) over Polaroid. Tilton says, despite making a higher offer than liquidators by a few million to buy the company out of Chapter 11, her firm lost because she “wasn’t liked.” Patriarch will be in court on Monday, filing a temporary restraining order to stop the deal from closing, and Tilton has vowed to “fight” this thing to the death. Will she bring her whip and ass-kicking boots is the question.
[Lynn, pre-blonde, in a Christmas card she sent to clients while working as a salesgirl at AMROC, circa 1989. Via a friend o' DB.]
RBS apparently laid off its entire Leveraged Finance Group globally yesterday, which, we’re told, “includes everyone (Group heads, MDs, VPs, Associates and Analysts) at their New York office, LA office, London headquarters and multiple other European offices.” Tipster Fred Goodwin added: “For some perspective, the Leveraged Finance Group at RBS pre-credit crisis was the premier leveraged finance platform in Europe for many years.”
In his ongoing effort to demonstrate to the investing community what will happen if you fail to follow his patented guide to what to not do if you don’t want people to wonder if your business is a massive fraud, Danny Pang, founder of the PEMGroup has really taken one for the team. If you foolishly choose not to heed the word of his crash course, which dictates you should endeavor to, among other things, not steal $3 million from your former employer, not allow “tough-looking men” to drop by the office during business hours “all the time,” not throw stacks of $10,000 at a bunch of girls from the office on the way back from a trip to Vegas (or at least don’t take pics), not leave major funds in your investment firm unaudited, and not tell your partner “I want you to know we are in a Ponzi scheme,” those in positions of “authority” may come a’ calling.
In the civil inquiry, an attorney for a former president of Mr. Pang’s firm — Private Equity Management Group Inc. — said he has been contacted by the Securities and Exchange Commission’s Los Angeles office. The lawyer, Jeffrey Benice, said he will meet with the agency early next week. An SEC official declined to comment.
Federal criminal investigators are also looking at the firm, known as PEMGroup, a person familiar with that matter said Thursday.
What would a movie produced by New York’s Deputy Comptroller and his siblings look like? This trailer from the wry folks over at Cityfile should give you a hint. Think the shockingly bad Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay but with a lower budget and sung in an accent from Queens. No, we aren’t kidding. In other words, so eye wateringly bad, so indescribably abysmal that one could not possibly imagine $88,000 changing hands for its distribution rights but for the fact that this same $88,000 from an affiliate of Quadrangle was a kickback for something else.
What does this mean for Riverstone Holdings that supposedly invested $100,000 in the same film? We suppose it would imply not only that the deal was crooked, but that Riverstone’s kickback DCF valuation team scooped up their MBAs from the University of Phoenix.
We are thinking that as soon as the prosecutor wheels in the DVD Player the scratching of pens drafting plea allocutions will be loudly heard.
Rattner Involved In Inquity On Fees [The Wall Street Journal]
US News will regale us with its annual ranking of the top business schools on April 23 but ahead of the release, the list is flashed (unintentionally?) in this video about law schools (54 seconds in). We can’t make it out in the slightest, but supposedly someone with superhuman vision can, and jotted them down as follows:
20. Can’t read
19. Can’t read
18. Texas
17. Cornell
16. UVA
15. Carnegie Mellon
14. UCLA
13. Michigan
12. Duke
11. NYU
10. Yale
Which, admittedly, has probably got to hurt Ken Lewis and his in-house hairdresser Angelo Mozilo. How are the jilted lovers reacting to the lack of loyalty? Are they letting (former) employees realize the error of their ways and come crawling back in their own time, at which point they’ll get down on their knees and beg BAC to give them another chance, having woken up to the fact that it was the best thing to ever happen to them and they threw it all away for one night with a cheap skanka $600,000 signing bonus? Not so much! Instead, K to the L and Moz-y are essentially performing the equivalent of late night drive-bys, slashed tires and hand written threats left on the hoods of cars. The Charlotte Observer reports:
Bank of America Corp. appears to be getting a little testy about losing employees to GMAC Financial Services.
The Charlotte bank’s legal department recently sent letters to some of the departed workers, reminding them to follow any agreements that prevent them from disclosing proprietary information or recruiting former colleagues, sources told the Observer.
