April 2009

  • News

    Ken Lewis Scores, Evelyn Davis Confirms Alcohol On His Breath

    Apparently all 18 of Bank of America’s directors were elected “comfortably.” While results of the votes on eight shareholder proposals are still being tampered with tabulated, including the one on splitting the chairman and CEO posts, it appears we’ve got an answer to this morning’s question, re: whether or not there’d be any flirtatious exchanges […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 2:18 PM
  • News

    You Have Charlie Gasparino To Thank For The Image Of Ace Greenberg Trying To Dip His Wick In Something Sweet

    You know, we were fairly certain that the first time we wrote about octogenarian Ace Greenberg’s sex life (by way of Barbara Walters’ who was also banging Alan Greenspan at the time) was going to be the last. Thanks to Charlie Gasparino, not so! Perhaps taking his Italian deli meats beat a bit too literally, […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 1:46 PM
  • News

    Vikram Pandit Rallying Hard For Castle-Dweller To Get Bonus

    At last week’s Citi annual investor meeting, one shareholder suggested that the bank “hire the best public relations firm in all the land,” in order to put itself back on the path to success. We don’t necessarily disagree (though we would add that there are other things the Big C might considering doing as well)! […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 1:16 PM
  • News

    Vote Tampering In Charlotte?

    Supposedly Bank of America “cannot report results of shareholder votes [and whether or not Ken Lewis goes] today because of [unexpectedly high?] volume.” Right.

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 1:09 PM
  • News

    Making Cost Efficient Efficient By Raising Costs

    Count on a failing business backed into a corner to rely on “changing the rules of the game” to sustain itself, to carry it above water (barely) for another few periods. Just buy some time until something miraculous can be arranged (or more time can be purchased from the time vendor). In this case, the […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 12:50 PM
  • News

    How Neel Kashkari Held It Together Before Congress

    Friday is Neel Kashkari’s last day at the Treasury. This is, of course, deeply disappointing for those of you who feel strongly about having follically-challenged men at the helm of things, as we’re now down to a single Bald. But cheer up, pups. TARP-boy’s retirement means one very important thing– anecdotes about $Kari’s time on […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 12:31 PM
  • News

    “Let me tell you about the very rich…

    …they are different from you and me.” The personage of Sir Fred Goodwin- who resigned as head of Royal Bank of Scotland about a month before that institution reported the largest yearly loss in United Kingdom history (£24.1 billion) and whose house in Edinburgh was vandalized by anti-capitalist terrorists- commands a yearly pension of some […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 12:13 PM
  • News

    To Which Lewis, After Wiping Brow, Responded: “At Least They Weren’t Hiroshima-Esque Bad, Am I Right? I’m Joshing, Of Course. Next Round’s On Me.”

    Fred J. Martin of San Francisco said his trip to the meeting cost more than he’ll receive in dividends this year. “I question whether the board has effectively represented the stockholders who elected them,” he said, adding later, “Your acquisitions are much akin to the blitzing of Baghdad.” Earlier: Ken Lewis: “Merrill Decision Made Independent […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 11:43 AM
  • News

    Freaky-Ass Compensation Restrictions Cramping John Mack’s Style

    At a decidedly more sober* annual shareholder meeting, John Mack told the audience that he’s seen an ‘exodus’ of ‘key people’ as a result of no longer being able to ply them with money in the manner they’ve become accustomed to. *That or John Mack can just hold his liquor better than Ken Lewis.

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 11:24 AM
  • News

    It Was Just An IQ Issue, We’ve Got It All Cleared Up Now

    Is the SEC drowning in a wading pool of ignorance? Have no fear. The Commission is getting “…more smarter, more swifter, more successfuler….” at least if you believe Robert Khuzami, sometime federal prosecutor made SEC enforcement chief. It seems that the new focus over at the SEC will be to hire smart guys. Really smart […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 10:58 AM
  • News

    Ken Lewis: “Merrill Decision Made Independent From Government Influence”

    Jigga what? Is Ken even trying to make his stories match up or just saying fuck it, let’s have some fun? We knew the Boone’s would be flowing freely today but we didn’t realize how hard and how early. This guy said it best: “Lewis is drunker than a Japanese Finance Minister right now.” Update: […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 10:46 AM
  • News

    Live-Blogging Bank Of America’s Annual Shareholder Meeting

    Sadly we didn’t make the trip down to Charlotte but this guy is providing live updates, and of course anyone present (Lewis) is free to keep us abreast of the situation (same goes for those of you at the Morgan Stanley party). So far former BAC CEO Hugh McColl has offered that if asked to […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 10:25 AM
  • News

    Casting The Wall Street Sequel

    As briefly mentioned yesterday, Oliver Stone has signed on to direct the Wall Street sequel, after previously bailing on the project (whose original title, Money Never Sleeps, has blissfully been shelved). That’s where the good news ends and the Shia LaBeouf begins. He’s currently in negotiations to “play a young Wall Street trader under Gekko’s […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 9:37 AM
  • News

    There’s Gonna Be A Showdown In Charlotte

    After what’s felt like months of discussing whether or not Ken Lewis should be canned from Bank of America, shareholders are finally getting their big moment today, at the firm’s annual investor meeting. Things are scheduled to get going later this morning, but ahead of the main event, SEIU is reiterating its message to, among […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 9:02 AM
  • News

    Opening Bell: 04.29.09

    Citi Asks Permission To Pay Bonuses (WSJ) The combination of pay caps and the full-sub role Citi has started to play is going to start pushing people towards the door; now that there are stable banks (and we can tell where they are) you’re going to see the decent groups seek to relocate. From a […]

    / Apr 29, 2009 at 7:40 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 04.28.09

    $$$ Fox revives ‘Wall Street’ sequel: Oliver Stone back on board [LATimes] $$$ Frank Sees Banks TARP – Free In A Year [Reuters] $$$ S&P’s “Weakest Links” List Rises to Record 300 Companies [Research Recap] $$$ Clarium Capital founder Peter Thiel: “Since 1920, the vast increase in welfare beneficiaries and the extension of the franchise […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 7:20 PM
  • News

    Squeeze Baby, Squeeze!

    We tend to ignore highly volatile biotech stocks that bound off the walls and ceilings like a Happy Fun Ball on acid-laced meth, but Dendreon Corporation (DNDN) is a special case because it is such an obnoxious assassins tool for the elimination of careless shorts. (And we keep getting email tips). Short interest in Dendreon […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 7:11 PM
  • News

    Danny “I want you to know we are in a Ponzi scheme” Pang Arrested

    The FBI got him in somewhere in Southern California, the Journal reports. Earlier: How To Make People Suspect Your Business (And Life In General) Is A Sham

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 6:17 PM
  • News

    John Thain Didn’t Know He Was Going To Get Fired Until Charlie Gasparino Told Him

    Additionally, Thain was also unaware of the fact that someone at Bank of America had leaked receipts from his interior decorating spree, which Gasparino also told him about. How did the pass off of information go down? Where did it go down? Was it arranged by a third party, taking place at the stroke of […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 5:26 PM
  • News

    Ken Lewis Raises More Eyebrows Than Just Ours

    We wondered if Ken Lewis bothered to read the Material Adverse Change clause for the Merrill Merger very carefully. Either he did, and managed to pull off a fantastic bluff over Paulson’s head, or he paid as little attention as anyone else. We took a look at the details yesterday in: What Was Lewis Really […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 4:11 PM
  • News

    Cherchez l’Homme

    Well, now that you men have completely trashed the financial system, banking and, basically, the entire global economy, we women are going to have to (as usual) clean up the mess. First Iceland, now this. This time, however, there are going to be a few changes around here- that is, according to people familiar with […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 3:27 PM
  • News

    Marriage Apparently Means Always Having To Ask, “Is This A Ponzi Scheme”

    Clearly, Lady Ruth McMadoff was fully aware that her husband’s business was a sham. But let’s travel for a few moments to an imaginary world in which Mrs. Bernie had no idea her baubles and beach houses and butter-blonde lockes were being financed through ill-gotten gains. According to Randy “The Ethicist” Cohen, Ruth had a […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 3:07 PM
  • News

    It’s All Coming Together

    Sotheby’s announced in a regulatory filing today that it will slash its dividend to 20 cents a year from 60 cents and cut 5 percent of its global headcount, on top of a 15 percent population restructuring last year. Surely it goes without saying but we’ll do so anyway– we know who’s behind this. Before […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 2:23 PM
  • News

    Breaking: CalPERS Hates Boone’s

    And, accordingly, has voted against all 18 of Bank of Amerrilwide’s Directors and Ken “Strawberry Hill” Lewis. Suck it Kenny. Update: Reuters has it now: CalPERS opposes entire Bank of America board CalPERS said it opposes the directors “for their role in allowing billions of dollars in bonuses to be paid to Merrill Lynch employees […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 1:49 PM
  • News

    AIG-FP: Criminal Or Just Stupid?

    Apparently the Justice Department is now hot on the trail for answers. Good for them! Not so good for Joseph Cassano, Andrew Forster (an executive vice president), and Thomas Athan (a managing director). Or possibly no big deal. Apparently the “investigation” consists of “looking at email traffic to try and see who was saying what […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 1:14 PM
  • News

    SEC To Make Up For Completely F*cking Up By Joining Twitter

    So, I don’t mean to sound old or not down with technology, but the SEC is going to prove its not completely worthless by joining Twitter? No thank you, Mary Schapiro. Apparently the decision to “get online” is an effort to remake the agency’s “image” and be “where investors most need it,” which, according to […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 12:17 PM
  • News

    Again With The Berkshire Puts

    Though he claims to be unmoved by share price, it is hard to imagine that Buffett is totally ignoring the crazy ride that is Berkshire’s share price, or the constant drubbing the firm (and WB himself) keeps taking over the variety of “Financial Weapons of Mass Destruction” it has collected over the last several years. […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 11:47 AM
  • News

    Another Way To Axe Short Sellers

    Instead of banning short-selling outright, why not squeeze settlement times so tightly as to make it de facto impossible? Eddy Wymeersch, chairman of the Committee of European Securities Regulators pointed out that moving settlement from the rough European (and just about everywhere else) standard of T+3 to T+0 “would largely enable us to eliminate short […]

    / Apr 28, 2009 at 11:00 AM

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