Archive for April 2009

  • 30 Apr 2009 at 1:47 PM

Take A Dip In Bill Ackman’s Bubble Bath

Picture 1256.pngYou’ll have to shell out a few mill for the opportunity but we say it’s worth it. Target Boy has put his 115 Central Park West (not to be confused with 15 CPW) apartment on the market for $10 million, after his mother-in-law, Elliman executive vice president Marilyn Herskovitz convinced him it wasn’t worth the $12 million he wanted. A detailed floor-plan of the 11-room, four-bedroom, two-terrace pad can be found here.
Interested but worried you won’t be able to get financing? Ackboy’s got you covered. “If someone can’t get financing because there’s no financing in the world right now, I’m happy to provide seller financing,” he told the Observer. “In a world where there are very few jumbo mortgages, I’m happy to make a loan.”

  • 30 Apr 2009 at 1:28 PM

The Unpopular Kids

Meet the evil villains that won’t let Chrysler just escape its obligations to pay its creditors:

As of last night’s deadline, we were part of a group of approximately 20 relatively small organizations; we represent many of the country’s teachers unions, major pension and retirement plans and school endowments who have invested through us in senior secured loans to Chrysler. Combined, these loans total about $1 billion. None of us have taken a dime in TARP money.
As much as anyone, we want to see Chrysler emerge from its current situation as a viable American company, and we are committed to doing what we can to help. Indeed, we have made significant concessions toward this end — although we have been systematically precluded from engaging in direct discussions or negotiations with the government; instead, we have been forced to communicate through an obviously conflicted intermediary: a group of banks that have received billions of TARP funds.

Perhaps showing a seven season West Wing marathon wasn’t the best Oval Office training film after all?
Statement From Non-Tarp Lenders of Chrysler [The Wall Street Journal – Deal Journal]

12:08 pm:
Obama in ‘da house.
12:13 pm:
I can announce that I saved Chrysler, nothing is fucked, I am safeguarding taxpayer dollars, Fiat is going to save the day (oh and Canada too).
12:13 pm:
Bob Nardelli is a cool guy. No. Seriously. (But he’s fired).
The UAW cut down to the bone, and then found more muscle to cut. It was amazing.
You, America, will also be sacrificing.

12:15 pm:

Some stakeholders did NOT cooperate.
Damn hedgefunds held out waiting for a unjustified taxpayer bailout.
Some demanded twice the return of other stakeholders.
I don’t stand with them I stand with Chrysler’s (everything).
12:16 pm:

Bankruptcy is not a sign of weakness.
This process will be quick.
12:18 pm:

Oh, I almost forgot.
Hedge Funds suck.
It is unacceptable for a small group of speculators to endanger my success.
As such an effective and diligent steward of your taxpayer dollars I was not prepared to provide unlimited bailout funds or to reward greed.
This is going to be our finest hour 30 60 days. Seriously. ‘kaythanksbye.

  • 30 Apr 2009 at 11:54 AM

How Deep Do You Think That Pool Is?

So, it would be one thing if Steven Rattner’s firm was the only one accused of being tied up in a “pay to play” scandal for access to New York’s pension funds. It isn’t. Neither is Riverstone Holdings the only other fund stuck in the “fund my shitty movie distribution and I’ll send few hundred million your way” morass.

The New York Attorney General on Thursday charged Aldus Equity Partners managing partner Saul Meyer with violating the Martin Act. He surrendered to authorities and bail was set at $200,000.
Also on Thursday, the Securities and Exchange Commission asked a federal judge to add Aldus and Mr. Meyer as defendants in its complaint in the New York state pension fund investigation.
Paul Shechtman, Mr. Meyer’s lawyer, said: “I learned years ago that it’s far easier for a prosecutor to file a complaint than to prevail at trial. … It’s true and the evidence will show that Saul Meyer did no wrong.”

Aldus Managing Partner Charged in N.Y. Pension Probe [The Wall Street Journal]

  • 30 Apr 2009 at 11:50 AM

Happy Birthday, Ashley Dupré!

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That’s right, ladies, our favorite governor bangin’ prostie turns 24 today! Since the noted hooker fucker is most likely not sending her a gift (the brute), we’ll just have to step up to the plate for him. Suggestions as to what she might like would be greatly appreciated (money’s no object). In the shorter term, we wanted to deliver a cake but, unfortunately, don’t have an address for the working girl’s place of business at the moment. Bad for Ash D but good for you! We’ve decided to send the frosting originally intended for the birthday girl to one lucky recipient. Please nominate yourself or someone you think is deserving of the treat now, and consider those candles blown!

  • 30 Apr 2009 at 11:26 AM

Breaking: TARP Complicates Bankruptcy (Who Knew?)

Maria Bartiromo is reporting that a number of Chrysler’s non-TARP senior bondholders are precluded from conducting direct talks with the government at all.
That is entertaining.
Developing.

Gwin.pngIt is entirely possible that a demographic defined by the terminally capitalist-guilt ridden figure of Geoffrey Gwin is responsible for the likes of the Chrysler tennis match we have been enjoying this morning.

One of 46 secured creditors to Chrysler LLC, Mr. Gwin was debating Wednesday whether to accept about 33 cents on the dollar for his debt. With some debtholders refusing to budge late Wednesday night, Chrysler moved closer to filing for bankruptcy protection, a step that would complicate its reorganization and put at risk the pensions of employees and retirees. In a bankruptcy scenario, a majority of lenders could still block Chrysler’s restructuring if they don’t agree to a deal.

Or perhaps the absurdly bloated egos of these managers have been tilting the entire playing field:

Geoffrey Gwin is wrestling with the knowledge that the retirement plans of some 80,000 Americans may rest in his hands.
“I am in turmoil,” says Mr. Gwin, principal of the Group G Capital Partners LLC hedge funds in New York.

Heavy rests the crown.
His confusion and crisis better find an outlet soon, as it’s game time in the stadium already.

A trip through the courts will open a new chapter of uncertainty as the company’s lenders and its thousands of affiliated dealers could mount a series of legal challenges to the administration’s efforts to pull off a swift reorganization.

And personal bias appears to play a substantial part:

Says the younger Mr. Gwin: “I have regret and bitterness about this process but may still swallow it and vote yes,”adding facetiously, “but if we want to talk about fairness here, give my dad’s pension back and I will gladly forgive Chrysler’s loan.”

In pointing out the article top us a friend of Dealbreaker and senior manager for a multi-billion-dollar hedge fund family comments:

If I were an investor, I’d yank my money from his fund faster than Geithner yanks away the comp restrictions on the bank welfare recipients.

A Chrysler Creditor Finds Himself Torn [The Wall Street Journal]

  • 30 Apr 2009 at 10:39 AM

Meanwhile, In An Elevator At Citi

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Added yesterday. Apparently the fundamentals of good hygiene weren’t a matter of concern at the Big C until pig season. Previously, cornering colleagues in the elevator, hitting the emergency stop button, and injecting them with a strain of whatever disease you happened to be carrying at the time was fully encouraged.
Related: TB At BAC
Also Related: Bear Stearns: “Do not use the urinal for disposal of solid matter”

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