Slow news day.
The Obama Portfolio (Since Inception): +21.33%
Earlier: The Obama Portfolio
Archive for April 2009
So, I realize that intolerance is a problem at all that jazz, but the below email is pretty global in its distaste for organized religion. And though it’s sort of prickish, ’cause I’m sure you’re all working as hard as you can, in spite of ourselves, we kind of dig it, in a tough love kind of way. Moving forward, we’re going to suggest it be used as a form letter for anyone dealing with slacking employees. Swap out WFC for your bitch bank of choice (BAC, C, whatever you fancy. Ladies’ choice).
From: [redacted]
Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 10:38 AM
To: [redacted group]-Investment Banking
Everyone below the MD level –
We are an investment bank. Unless you are an orthodox something, please get into the office. We are getting paid minimum wage for a reason — we are not making money, which is hard to do from home.
Join Wells Fargo and become a teller if you want to take bank holidays.
[redacted]
Managing Director
Investment Banking
Thomas Weisel
Shouldn’t these people have their fortunes locked in a poorly administered blind trust before accepting office?
Lawrence Summers’ bullish economic sentiments helped send markets soaring at the end of last week. But even after assuming his role as the president’s top economic adviser in January, Summers seemed far more skeptical that the markets would recover any time soon, as evidenced by the only metric that really counts–his own personal cash. Specifically, in 2008 through early 2009, Summers stashed most of his liquid assets in tax-free municipal bonds–between $5 million and $25 million worth–leaving himself relatively little exposure to the stock market, a Daily Beast analysis of his recently released financial-disclosure report reveals.
Of course, it is entertaining to pit Summers against Geithner, as The Beast happily proceeds to do, but we think we can be forgiven for thinking both of these two should have all their money locked in an emerging markets ETF by a 20something analyst at a foreign firm. That would, after all, be fitting, no?
What Do They Know That We Don’t? [The Daily Beast]
By now you’ve likely heard about blogger Mike Morgan, proprietor of Facts about Goldman Sachs, which can be found at www.goldmansachs666.com. The site was founded on March 26, 2009, in Morgan’s words, as “an open forum for facts and discussion about what part Goldman Sachs and their executives played in the current Global Economic Crisis,” which Goldman apparently does not like! The bank is currently attempting (unsuccessfully) to silence Mikey-boy, issuing a cease and desist, a request which has so far gone unmet. The brave young (or old, I have no idea) blogger has vowed to fight the power, and is holding a conference call Wednesday at 6PM to discuss “objectives and how you can help as a volunteer” (anonymous crotch shots of Blankfein to the tips line).
According to Morgan, “I’ve had advice from some of the best intellectual property lawyers, and I know exactly what I can and can’t do. We’re not going to back down from this.” He added that if GS does figure out a way to shut him down, he has “a number of other domain names registered.” But does he have goldmansucksthebigone.com? I think not. We’re rooting for the li’l fella here, but in the event Lloyd successfully puts him in a sleeper hold, all we’re saying is, make us an offer.
Of course, there is one thing we are really going to miss in the wake of the present downturn: self-absorbed, snotty twenty-something Brits. They used to be good for 1.5 posts a day at Dealbreaker, either related directly to their antics, or with causal links having no more than three or four links in the chain. We really do mourn their passage.
More than half of the 2,000 16 to 25-year-olds polled by The Prince’s Trust said they were worried that they would have to accept a job that they did not want.
Some 70pc also believed that having actual work experience under their belts would be of more benefit than their academic qualifications when it came to finding a job.
The findings of the survey reflect growing concerns that young people leaving university and school this summer and looking for work will struggle as employers cut back graduate recruitment and apprenticeship schemes.
Frankly, this just goes for arrogant 20somethings in general. Perhaps it is not too late. Perhaps some form of fund can be created. The United Smartass Adolescent College Fund? Because an attitude is a terrible thing to waste? We’ll keep massaging the idea and see if we come up with something viable.
Deflated youngsters forced to curb their career ambitions [The Telegraph]
Re: the earlier post concerning Gasparino speaking to a bunch of PR execs and telling them after watching Jon Stewart’s interview with Jim Cramer, he came to the conclusion the Daily Show host was full of shit. Chaz did indeed say our friend and associate was stuffed to the gills with fecal matter, but his words were taken out of context. It had nothing to do with Cramer, just to do with CG. Sayeth Gaspo: “I told them I watched the clip that featured me, and I laughed and cringed at the same time. But the concept that I’m a shill for AIG is bull shit. Stewart is full of shit if he’s saying I’m a shill for AIG. AIG was complaining about me all year, how could I be a shill for them?” Chazpo also told us that the insurer’s flack, Chris Winans, was in the audience, and he pointed the guy out and asked him to stand up and asked “I’m I a shill for AIG?” to which Chris answered no, sir.
Apparently it’s true Gasparino commented that he’s tougher than Stewart, though he did so “in a joking way.” Regardless, RothStewart v. Cosa NostraGasparino still has the potential to happen.
You see those golden locks at left? You think they come natural? You think they come easy? The answers are no and no and now, they’re not going to come at all. In a move that has got to hurt, Ruth McMadoff has been barred from the Pierre Michael Salon. The decision apparently came down to the fact that PM services many former Madoff clients who were taken for a ride by Ruth’s main man, making the staff feel “uncomfortable” with her presence. Now she’ll have to find some second rate establishment to do her roots for $125 a pop (and up), which isn’t even really that much, though girlfriend is supposed to be destitute so, you know.
You probably read over the weekend that top talent are fleeing their TARP-taking employers for less restrictive pastures. Wildly, another ship-jumping movement is occurring on Wall Street wherein instead of finding homes at boutique banks, hedge funds, or in the land of those who’ve already made enough to just retire now, people are making the leap to the unemployment line ’cause they’ve been fired and can’t find placement elsewhere in the financial services industry. While some are attempting the rather unsavory route of government work, a small but growing group of engines that could are hoping to do their own thing. But it’d be a lot easier if they could get a little help (money) from someone (you).
Take Drew Weinstein. Aaron Elstein reports that former Cowen & Co. research analyst (who got laid off from his job last October) wants to start Magellanic Brewery, which will outsource the job of brewing to other breweries that will make his like but “better” than Budweiser beer. Only problem is Weinstein needs money. About $2 million should do it and then we’re off to the races. Will you see a return on the investment? Though Dubya acknowledges “the risks are daunting,” and psychologist Ari Kiev is already naysaying the venture, cautioning that Wall Streeters’ “confidence, naïveté or arrogance leads them to think that developing a business is easier than it actually is,” we’ll put it out there now– you bet your ass you will. Weinstein projects the start-up “could generate $50 million in revenue by 2013,” not to mention the free (or deeply discounted) drinks. Who’s in?
We are shocked, shocked to learn that book cooking has been going on in here. (Maybe). At least, TARPs “top cop” thinks so. (Maybe). Apparently, he’s on the case. (Maybe).
The official policing the $700bn Tarp fund says he is investigating whether banks have “cooked their books” to secure bail-out money.
Neil Barofsky, special inspector-general for the troubled asset relief programme, told the Financial Times he was seeking evidence of wrongdoing on the part of banks receiving help from the fund, which was designed to ease credit conditions and support distressed industries.
“I hope we don’t find a single bank that’s cooked their books to try to get money but I don’t think that’s going to be the case,” said Mr Barofsky, who has been dubbed the “Tarp cop”.
We hope so too! True, we’d have lots to write about, but imagine the crash that would follow if it turned out a few good banks had been a little more than aggressive with the accounting. All bets would be off, we suspect.
Tarp investigator seeks evidence of book fiddling [The Financial Times]
Alarming sign of things to come? Probably. Specifically, we refer to the market’s general expectation that financial and insurance firms will/must have access to TARP to survive. Genworth, being only the latest firm to fail to qualify for TARP funds, has taken it on the chin as a result:
Genworth Financial Inc., the Virginia-based seller of life insurance and mortgage coverage, plunged after failing to qualify for a capital injection from the U.S. Treasury.
The insurer slipped 78 cents, or 28 percent, to $1.97 at 9:31 a.m. in New York Stock Exchange composite trading. Genworth, which has reported three straight quarterly losses, has plummeted 91 percent in 12 months.
Genworth abandoned its request for capital from the Troubled Asset Relief Program on April 9, a day after Treasury said some life insurers were eligible for U.S. funds. The insurer has canceled the dividend and cut 1,000 jobs, or about 14 percent of the workforce, after declining investments and a spike in claims tied to mortgage defaults drained capital.
Are we the only ones worried that the only firms viewed to be even marginally viable in the industry are increasingly those eligible for the crutch of government largess? Has this become the key equity price determinant for the country’s public firms?
Perhaps now the right move is to insist from the outset that you need none. That might actually be a step in the right direction.
Genworth Plunges on Failure to Qualify for U.S. Aid [Bloomberg]
You had to assume that’s what Gasparino thought of our friend and associate anyway, but it’s nice to hear the sentiment verbalized. Chaz spoke to the Arthur W. Page Society (“a professional association for senior public relations and corporate communications executives”) last week, and in addition to waxing poetic on his bad experiences with masters of spin (including an incident with Lehman that resulted in this), Chaz, who moonlights as an arbiter of comedy, also told the audience that while Jon Stewart’s interview with Jim Cramer was funny, the Daily Show host is “full of shit.” And? “I’m tougher than Jon Stewart.” We’re guessing that Stewart’s moved on from his CNBC feud but on the off chance he’s still interested, we’re more or less begging someone invite Gaspo on to fight, with Mark Haines serving as coach.
