So badly they’ve set up a website and bought commercial blocks on CNBC!
Archive for April 2009
The Royal Bank of Scotland might’ve set a new record for losses in UK corporate history last year, requiring the gov to step in and stop the ass bleeding, but do not fear ’cause just this morning CEO Stephen Hester announced a “new strategy for RBS to restore the Bank to standalone strength as soon as practicable.” That strategy is: shitcan lots of employees. The firm plans to cut approximately 9,000 jobs. Oh, and PS:
We’re going to be working with these government people for the foreseeable future so it’s probably best we throw back a few and get the inter-office groping out the way now, right? Right. First on your list: James Lambright, chief investment officer of the Troubled Asset Relief Program. You’ll want a cheat sheet of stuff to BS about for a few awkward hours before going home together, so let’s just pluck what we need to know about Jimmy from the Journal‘s primer on the guy, hired by Hank Paulson (who appears to be his biological father), and asked to stay by Geithner “for an undefined period of time.”
* Stanford undergrad, Harvard Law.
* Amateur boxer who made it to the semi-finals of the Golden Gloves, just like another Wall Street celeb. (Charity match on the horizon?)
* Scary enough to intimidate a guy who could easily palm a basketball and whose college nickname was the Hammer (“He’s unbelievably tough, and sometimes needs to be reminded that the job is to save the financial system,” says Paulson).
* Donaldson, Lufkin & Jenrette alum
* Appointed by Bushie to run the U.S. Export-Import Bank
* “On loan to the Treasury” but still “oversees” shit at the USEIB, where he makes a salary of $162,900
* Makes his own PB&J sandwiches for lunch
Presumably. Gotta figure 50-50 chance, right? Anyway, yes, Ruth Madoff visited her husband last night for the first time since he started bunking at the Metropolitan Correctional Center, shrouded in black as though she were a grieving widow (and let’s be honest, girlfriend’s most likely mourning the death of her money/old life). Check out ten seconds of footage from the big event after the jump and then join us as we consider what those crazy kids talked about during the 90 minute meeting. Passover’s a given, obviously, but how ’bout those Noels?
ABC News offered a sneak peak of its interview with accused Ponzier Allen Stanford in print form yesterday, and while they mostly gave it all away, watching the whole thing go down in live action is very much worth it. First off, we assumed this was going to be a studio sit-down with reporter Brian Ross, but in actuality it was an impromptu tear-fest outside a Houston restaurant that the network had staked out, with a sauced-up Stan talking off the cuff, against the wishes of his attorney. So that’s points right off the bat. Then there’s the cocktail lounge music playing in the background. That’s plus 20. And, obviously, the choking back of (fake?) tears over being deprived of being named Forbes’ 405th richest bitch in the world. Which, if you think about it, really is something worth crying over (though you don’t see a certain Stamfordian getting wet in public over not making Alpha‘s top ten earners of the year, now do you?)
Ford Pays Down Debt (WSJ)
This has to be humiliating for GM, who’s still facing bankruptcy on the heels of having Wagoner pushed into the ever-loving land of canasta.
“Ford Motor Co. said Monday its investors agreed to exchange $9.9 billion in debt for cash and stock, ratcheting up the pressure on its struggling U.S. competitors that also are trying to cut debt.
Ford’s 28% reduction in its overall debt comes as General Motors Corp. and Chrysler LLC have failed to make significant progress in their discussions with bondholders and lenders.”
Ireland To Raise Taxes, Cut Spending (Bloomberg)
The Irish have been pretty well hammered by the S&P reduction to their credit rating, leading the government to take appropriate measures. I’m of the opinion that we should do our part to support their economy: if you haven’t been to Temple Bar, you should (it’s a massive area of Dublin comprised mostly of drinking establishments). While the Irish women aren’t always the best in show, there’s generally a fair amount of traffic from across the channel, and the Irish have a glorified/liberal view on alcoholism: I once saw a man get in a fight with a streetlight, and then get carted away to the hospital (he lost).
Bidders Emerging For AIG Asset Management Business (WSJ)
“Several buyers have submitted offers between $400 million and $800 million, said the people familiar with the matter. That would register below the typical price for asset-management businesses, which historically have been valued at 1% to 2% of assets, which would value AIG’s unit at between $1 billion and $2 billion.
Private-equity firms Ashmore Investment Management Ltd., Hellman & Friedman LLC, Rhône Group LLC and TA Associates Inc. are among groups that have shown interest, these people said. So have mutual-fund manager Franklin Templeton Investments and asset manager Southgate Alternative Investments. The list of suitors is expected to be pared this week. The potential buyers declined to comment.”
Poll Says Optimism Up (Reuters)
It’s worth noting that the sample size was 998 people, error +/- 3pts.
$$$ Conn. AG questions credit rating company bailout money [AP]
$$$ Wall Street bankers are still best paid [The Deal]
$$$ The Bernie Madoff Real-Estate Agency [NYM]
$$$ Level the Field, a non-profit that seeks to develop partnerships between collegiate athletic programs and middle schools in order to create a mentoring program for adolescent students in low-income communities, will be hosting an open bar fundraiser at 1Oak on April 16. Purchase tickets here today and help touch the lives of approximately 80 sixth graders in the fall and many more in the future.
Double D: “There’s more reason to be scared of the financials,” and analysts bearing spreaders and truss bars.
Mailbag:
Resignations are hitting. Two in NY and one in London. The London one was their bank analyst, Vincent Cooper. Losing your global financial analyst means at least you can still trade the 10% of non-financial debt in the world.
Earlier: Unfounded Rumor Of The Morning, Blue Mountain Edition
[Raises Palm] You Know What This Means? It Means You’re About To Get Slapped, So You Better Shut Up. I’ll Do It, I’ll Slap The Shit Out Of You. [Slaps...Slaps...Slappity Slap Slap Slaps...Slaps] There, There’s Another Slap!
By Equity Private
Um yeahhh. So ABC News is airing an interview with accused Ponzier Sir Allen Stanford tonight and if the excerpts are any indication, it’s going to be fantastic television.
No, seriously I will cut off your dick and stick it in my ear if it’s a Ponzi scheme.
“I would die and go to hell if it’s a Ponzi scheme,” Stanford said in reaction to civil allegations from the Securities and Exchange Commission that he bilked thousands of customers in an $8 billion fraudulent scheme involving “self-styled certificates of deposits” with “improbable” rates of return.
Poppycock. I’ll say it again: poppycock.
“Baloney. Baloney,” Stanford told ABC News. “It’s not a Ponzi scheme. If it was a Ponzi scheme, why are they finding billons and billions of dollars all over the place?”
What do I have to say about being forced to fly commercial? Three words: It. was. harrowing.
Stanford said the government action to seize his assets had left him with little money and few changes of clothing. He was forced to fly on a commercial plane for the first time in almost two decades after the government seized his fleet of six private jets.
“They make you take your shoes off and everything, it’s terrible,” he complained about the airport security that apparently came as a surprise to him.
Stanford also strongly denied an ABC News report, citing senior law enforcement officials, that he was under investigation in connection with the alleged laundering of money for a Mexican drug cartel.
“If you say it to my face again, I will punch you in the mouth,” he said.
Then backing off, Stanford said, “No, I’m not going to punch you in the mouth. But I’m just saying that’s an absolutely, absolutely ludicrous thing to say. Anybody who knows me knows that’s the case.”
We don’t know about you, but we think that the ideal thing for companies under siege at present is to increase their cost base to build reputation points with Washington in the hopes that they will be able to jump in line when the time for the next food drop comes along- it’s getting really old fighting to get around that old guy with the cane every time the government cheese is dropped.
Student loan company Sallie Mae plans to move its overseas operations back to the United States, creating 2,000 domestic jobs, in what analysts called an attempt to curry favor with the Obama administration.
SLM Corp, as the company is legally known, said on Monday it plans to add staff over the next 18 months in call centers, information technology and operations support across the United States. A spokeswoman said the company will pull jobs from India, Mexico and the Philippines.
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Sallie Mae to shift 2,000 jobs to U.S. from overseas [Reuters]
