• 24 Apr 2009 at 11:45 AM

This Is No Big Deal. A Certain Someone In Stamford Cleans The Office In The Buff All The Time.

By

Picture 1209.pngUsing his notoriously overgrown cock-bush as a Swiffer. Employees rig him up in a harness and lower him into the hard to reach nooks and crannies of the trading floor.

Madoff was even more obsessed, if that’s possible, with cleanliness. Even while he was responsible for billions of dollars, it was not uncommon to see him dusting his office or the two-foot sculpture of a screw behind his desk. One staffer recalls getting off the elevator to find Madoff, clad in one of his innumerable tailored suits, on his hands and knees in the lobby, straightening the rugs so that they were aligned perfectly.
That was Madoff’s third fixation. Everything needed to be symmetrical and in straight lines. When Madoff was in the office, all window blinds had to be aligned at the same height, all computer screens had to be arrayed at the same angle and position, and on and on. So insistent was he on perfect alignment that, more than once, he dropped his trousers in the office — startling female employees — to ensure that the line of his shirt buttons was precisely vertical.

How Bernie Pulled Off His Massive Swindle [Fortune]

Comments (72)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 11:51 AM

    “cock-bush” made me laugh. Don’t think it didn’t.

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 11:51 AM

    most amazing opening para i’ve ever read.

  3. 3
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 11:51 AM

    Lucky guy, all the jail bars are parallel.

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 11:54 AM

    the funniest two sentences ever written

  5. 5
    Posted by merkin capital partners | April 24, 2009 at 11:55 AM

    “See, I’m no Gentile bitch.” –BM

  6. 6
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 12:01 PM

    Give Bernie a break. He believes that he was just being a “Rugged” capitalist in the traditions of Frick, Carneige, and the Morgan Bros.
    “the two-foot sculpture of a screw behind his desk”. Don’t you just love it.
    The Guy from Delaware

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 12:01 PM

    Too Monk, didn’t touch.

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 12:02 PM

    “two-foot sculpture of a screw behind his desk”
    No doubt to remind himself he was screwing everyone
    and yes cockbush made me laugh like a 10 year old

  9. 9
    Posted by Novice | April 24, 2009 at 12:04 PM

    Awesome tags.

  10. 10
    Posted by Lowly Assistant | April 24, 2009 at 12:08 PM

    “Employees rig him up in a harness and lower him into the hard to reach nooks and crannies of the trading floor.”
    Hah! Perfect. Simply perfect.

  11. 11
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 12:09 PM

    WHAT. A. FREAK.

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 12:13 PM

    Bernie can’t understand why everyone’s on his case. That’s why he keeping quiet.
    The Guy from Delaware

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 12:15 PM

    His wife made him do it.

  14. 14
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 12:18 PM

    boy is he gonna be miserable in the joint

  15. 15
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 12:25 PM

    @14 Yup! Bubba will make sure everything is lined up nice and straight! And he’ll even check his buttons for him!

  16. 16
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 12:30 PM

    Submission under review
    Your entry is under review by editors.
    submission: cock-bush
    definition: The pubic hair surrounding one’s cock and balls. Generally unkempt, resembling an overgrown bush. Coined by Dealbreaker.com.
    example: He used his notoriously overgrown cock-bush in lieu of a Swiffer.
    submitted by CertainSomeone InStamford on Apr 24, 2009
    tags: pubic hair, male pubic hair, bush, unwaxed nether regions, cockbush

  17. 17
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 1:43 PM

    speaking of urbandictionary…
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=paulson
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=soup+chicken

  18. 18
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 1:46 PM

    speaking of urbandictionary…
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=paulson
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=soup+chicken

  19. 19
    Posted by NotNasser | April 24, 2009 at 2:51 PM

    Cock Bush, alternative definition,
    “A derisive nickname for the sort of jerk who can’t just hit “post comment” ONCE.

  20. 20
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 3:02 PM

    Aspergers!

  21. 21
    Posted by guest | April 24, 2009 at 3:23 PM

    So Bess, since you obviously move in circles where the details of the cockbushes of various big-swinging-dicks in the financial world are well-known, can you tell us about Bernie’s cockbush? Overgrown? Greatly receded like his headbush? Comically enhanced by surgically implanted plugs? Silver-grey like his headbush? Meticulously dyed dark brown with nary a millimeter of silver ever allowed to appear at the roots? Meticulously plucked so the borders are all perfectly straight and aligned with perfectly matching angles? Or did Shana perhaps keep him plucked perfectly bald down there? I feel so out of the loop not knowing these things.

  22. 22
    Posted by Bernie Madoff’s Underwear, Ass Sell At Auction | Jackson-Hole news | June 6, 2011 at 11:54 PM

    [...] boxers, size small) and whose ass was featured, though it could have very will been Bernie, who was never bashful about dropping trou and who probably figured it’d be his gift to the [...]

  23. 23
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  24. 24
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