Wells Fargo is apparently implementing some new cost cutting and productivity strategies today. The former is going down in the form of layoffs at Evergreen Securities in Charlotte. The latter is much more inspired. From the front lines:
Among the new rules, and what I view as the most important, is that you aren't allowed to look down at your Blackberry during a meeting. If you do look down, you have to write a check for $100 to the charity of the meeting manager's choice. You are allowed a 5 minute productivity break where you are either allowed to check your Blackberry, or go to the bathroom. One break per meeting. It is yet to be determined whether or not you are allowed to check your Blackberry while going to the bathroom, so long as it fits in the allotted time...we'll let you know when HR gives us their report with our afternoon nap.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:25AM
Like the fucks who use their bberrys while standing at the urinal - doing their biz - at HPN airport?
They never wash their hands.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:32AM
This must be a joke.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:34AM
@2- as a wells employee (posting from my iphone, since DB was blocked), I can tell you that sadly, it's all too true.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:41AM
About fucking time. I attended a meeting with some feeder fund guys last year and at one point I looked up and I thought everyone was praying. Heads down, hands under the table. They were all checking their Blackberries during the "meeting".
Checking your Blackberry while talking with someone is like pulling out your dick and studying it during a conversation.
~Grumpy Energy Trader
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:44AM
@4- maybe that's a reflection on you, and the words that were coming out of your mouth, and not them?
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:44AM
i got caught fingering my black berry at a meeting once, and i'll never do it again.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:46AM
@1 dunno where you come from but we're taught not to piss all over our hands
Posted by Anal_yst , Apr 30, 2009 9:46AM
@4
What, you've never whipped out the goods mid-conversation? Crazy energy traders!
How the hell else are you supposed to get through hours-long meetings, seriously?
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:47AM
No way! You mean they are banning the patented sales guy "Im so important and busy that i have to check my blackberry every 5 seconds even though i havent closed anything in months" move?? Thats an outrage
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:47AM
Does this apply to all meetings - internal and external? Understandable if banned from client meetings, but internal meetings? No.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:48AM
@4 did you look up after checking your blackberry?
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:48AM
@9- um, I think there's a difference between saying "don't look at your blackberry during a meeting" and punishing people for doing so by making them pay a $100 fine.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:48AM
We don't need "in person meetings" anymore, they cost too much and everyone needs to multi task and meeting force you to concentrate on the task at hand and waste valuable time when you could be doing other things. When you are on a meeting on the computer, no one sees all the myriad of other things you are doing so no one gets their panties in a twist.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:49AM
Whatever they're doing on their Blackberries, there's about a 99.9% chance it's more productive than what's going on in the meeting. Seriously, when was the last time you were in a meeting at a large financial institution that was anything but a colossal waste of time? A former boss of mine scheduled weekly meetings of his "team" for two purposes only: 1) to show us he was "in charge", and 2) to give his bosses the impression that he was actually doing something (that's why it was always held in a conference room on *their* floor instead of one on *our* floor). We could have been playing solitaire on our Blackberries and it would have been more productive than anything that went on in those meetings.
Posted by Garuda , Apr 30, 2009 9:51AM
I am a hedge fund manager. What is "productivity"?
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:52AM
I had a stuck-up cocksucker from Lehman whip out his blackberry while interviewing him for a position at my firm. Apparently there was some problem at home base and I had to wait while he fingered a reply.
Interview didn't go too well after that.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:53AM
are you still allowed to jerk off during meetings? if so I have no problem with the Blackberry ban.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:55AM
@16 when was the interview? Sept 12th?
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:55AM
@4 here....Strike a nerve? Blackberries are like a loaded pistol. They'll get you into more trouble than they'll get you out of.
Oh yeah...flash that Blackberry and it tells me you're more worried about losing another billion than making it.
Dipshits.
~Grumpy Energy Trader
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:58AM
@16, was he working at lehman or homebase, its not clear from your comment? and i'm assuming this interview was in london because they don't have homebase in the US!
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:58AM
Props to @18. Excellent comedy timing I must say.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 9:58AM
@18 unfortunately, no. That would have given me something to smile about.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:01AM
@20 funny.
Home base = back at the office
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:02AM
I have one hand under my desk right now, and I am starting to get a little sweaty.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:04AM
See, this is where Bear Stearns had no strategic planning. Jimmy Cayne should have given Ace a blackberry rather than being left alone to his own devices..
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:05AM
@23, @20 here, got it, thanks for the clarification. lehman and homebase just seemed such different places so i knew there must have been something i was missing. my bad.
is the position still open, obviously he didn't get the job, i can send over a cv (resume) if needed?
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:06AM
Garuda, #15, Ask Vikram S. Pandit, he knows.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:10AM
22 That's unAmerican.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:11AM
@26-- sadly homebase is on a hiring freeze now. sorry. how does a stocking, brokered position at tescos sound?
Posted by girl , Apr 30, 2009 10:12AM
Discrimination suit from pregnant woman who has to pee alot in 5..4..3..
The stupidity never ends.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:12AM
just make sure your iphone has a cover and then you can whip that out and no one knows it isnt a bb...then you catch up on porn during meetings which is way better than brick breaker.
- funk doctor
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:12AM
@28 considering I'm not an American I guess you're right. I do live in CT, though.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:21AM
I actually think the staring at your bberry thing isn't that rude anymore- unless you are being directly addressed. It's just so commonplace and everyone knows how busy everyine is.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:22AM
um, no 12, think again you piker. Its the height of rudeness in the workplace and people do it on the reg, much like I do your mom. The people who do it most are usually the most worthless, because if you are TCOB you dont need props
I dont make money, i print it hehehehehe
Sorry, i love that line
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:24AM
Is it wrong to use my Fleshlight during extra long meetings?
lobsterclops
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:25AM
32 Can you expedite your departure from our homeland? That is, unless you feel like being more respectful of the land that gives you the opportunity to make all the goddamned money you can shake a frenzied monkey at?
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:27AM
@26 filled the position almost a year ago.
Good luck.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:30AM
@36 USA! USA! USA! does that make you feel better?
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:33AM
38, Thank you. Now to cement your sincerity, would you mind hooking up a private dinner meeting with that hottie of yours in Investor Relations? Thanks. Go America!
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:38AM
@35 - I see nothing wrong with using said fleshlight as long as you are mindful of the pant legs of others sitting around you.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 10:46AM
Interesting to compare the growth of Blackberry usage to the growth of capital destruction in the financial industry. When you have to check your Blackberry during an important meeting you are wasting your time and the other folks time as well.
I bet everyone at Lehman and AIG wore the letters and numbers off their Blackberries.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 11:02AM
@41- "Important" is the key word, and one that is a descriptor inappropriate for most meetings.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 11:11AM
@41- "Important" is the key word, and one that is a descriptor inappropriate for most meetings.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 11:12AM
How can Evergreen still be in business? Can anyone from there even fill the whole 5 minutes of a "productivity break'?
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 12:09PM
at First Union, Wachovia, and now Wells we used to have meetings to schedule meetings. sat through several that I could have had been producing.....something. been gone for years, but, i bet the culture of meetings havenot changed.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 12:40PM
@38 Too late for that shit. Fuck you and get out.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2009 5:15PM
It's about time someone cracked down on Blackberry use during meetings. Boring meeting or not it's rude and disrespectful.