We’re not just asking for ourselves, we’re asking for Mrs. Thain. I’m sure the lot of you probably figured after being unceremoniously asked to leave the building back in January, John Thain would’ve gone to his locker, put on his singlet, taken five on the mat to get his aggression out, and moved on. Perhaps to an early retirement, maybe consulting every now and then, but mostly just taking it easy. Sure, in the beginning there’d be recurring night terrors that included the smell of Boone’s on Ken Lewis’s breath when he got up real close to JT’s face and whispered “You’re finished, toilet-boy.” And on more than one occasion he’d mutter to the neighborhood kids he was hanging out with, “I don’t know how these people can run this company without me.” But ultimately the shock, sadness, and anger would subside, and reality would set in. That’s what you thought would happen. But that’s not what actually happened. Rather, Master Thain has refused to accept his newfound status as a househusband, instead choosing to cling to a (professional) life that no longer exists.
When Mr. Thain left Goldman after almost 25 years to run the Big Board, he said at the time that it was his chance “to be CEO.” Now he spends his time networking and says he is optimistic that he will get another chance to run a publicly traded company. He still puts on a suit nearly every day, although he no longer has an office to go to.
What the Journal doesn’t tell us is that as part of this morning routine, after putting on the $10,000 suit, Thain takes advantage of the fact that with this daughter off at college, there are a gaggle of stuffed animals just sitting around the house with nothing to do but his bidding. So every day promptly at 8AM, he scoops them up, places them in his “office” (i.e. the extra bedroom) and begins delegating. For instance, today Sunshine Bear was told to “figure out how to avoid marking-to-market some of our more difficult structured products,” Mr. Bigglesworth was staffed with “taking care of that little pissant short seller,” and Clydefrog was saddled with the unsavory task of “redecorating this place” (“cause the boss can’t work in these conditions”), in addition to booking the executive dining room for this afternoon’s tea party.
Which is to say, he’s got to get a (real) gig, stat. You probably wouldn’t even have to start him of at CEO, but just some sort of management position and the promise of “bigger things to come.” Write it off as charity, whatever, just throw the guy something.
The stuffed animal thing…hilarious.
LOL Thain looks like the kind of guy who will one day have his PC confiscated by the authorities
“Mr. Thain left Goldman after almost 25 years to run the Big Board”
Am I to understand you want to let the Russian Ambassador into the War Room? He..he’ll see everything–he’ll see the Big Board!
WWE
I’ll give him a job, wiping my ass!
Dylan Ratigainst the Machine
the line about him putting on the suit everyday was pretty sad. seriously john, time to move on.
John Thain is still alive? Who knew
I would give my left nut to not put on a suit every day. JT doesn’t know how lucky he is.
Mr. Meredith Whitney — that’s who.
@9- that would be awesome
He should just wear his singlet all day and apply for a job at Red Lobster.
maybe he can run the SuperFund
@11- do they wear singlets at red lobster?
Dave Coulter might be helpful
For instance, today Sunshine Bear was told to “figure out how to avoid marking-to-market some of our more difficult structured products,”
Pop Pop?
@13 – I think they should.
When asked for comment, Sunshine Bear was mum on the details of Thain’s new mark-to-market strategy.
So that’s where they got that Koala from the Careerbuilder.com SuperBowl commercials…
Mr. Bigglesworth, who is your CEO?
Isn’t Vince McMahon nearing retirement age?
Wow, fantastic post.
Mr. Thain,
As we have previously mentioned, this is the website that would interest you. We are considering this matter closed. Please stop emailing us on topics regarding “Snuggle-Time Objectives” and “Global Cuddle Structure.”
http://www.vermontteddybear.com/Static/Employment.aspx
Haywood Jablome
HR
Vermont Teddy Bear Co.
This makes life more enjoyable.
YHOO could use him.
there’s no way that Bigglesworth has the balls to take on the shorts
no wonder JT is still out of work
General Manager of the Oakland Raiders aka Al’s bitch.
There are plenty of mentally-ill people still walking around who haven’t been institutionalized, and TGFD believes that Mr. Thain is one of them.
I doubt if Thain needs the money. Why else would he be looking for a job?
It appears that he’s f’ked everything he’s touched of late and that his reputation doesn’t flatter him either.
He must want to feel needed, to rehabilitate himself, to be important again, to reclaim his dignity.
Mr. Thain…Give it up. If there is such a dearth of talent on Wall Street that anyone would even consider you for a senior executive or CEO position, then I fear that Wall St banks are in far worse shape than anyone ever imagined.
You would be a toxic asset.
The Guy from Delaware
Puts on a suit every day??
THAIN
Well, I’m uh, just–tryin’ to get ahead..
LEWIS
Well, I’m sorry. There’s just no way that we could keep you on.
THAIN
I don’t even really work here!
LEWIS
That’s what makes this so difficult.
How close do you think he has been to putting KL in a suplex or a sleeper hold? I bet it wouldn’t take much to make little Kenny submit. JT’s problem was that he didn’t have a manager (career coach) like Classy Freddie Blassie. He would have urged JT to snap the necks of those pencil-necked geeks.
funny, but the truth is that Thain has been unfairly maligned. He did a good job at MER. BAC fired the wrong guy.
@29 – I don’t know. Lewis grew up on some mean Mississippi and Georgia streets.
@ 30
He definately did a good job for MER shareholders.
Also, His redecorating binge was perhaps one of the most poorly time trivial events in the history of the financial industry, right up their with the AIG bonus debacle.
For those Merill outsiders, please stop bashing John Thain. You don’t know anything and you are just randomly shooting malicious remarks. I don’t think Merrill people would echo all the negative remarks on this board. John Thain didn’t contribute to the Merrill mess. It was Stan O’Neal.
@33- which comments say he caused the MER mess? the comments are based on the paragraph about him wearing suits every day from the WSJ article, which regardless, is kind of funny/sad.
@33, think if you are an insider you know how to spell the name of the firm correctly. -5, see me after class.
Doesn’t he have some beekeeping to do?
@33 Read the FT Special that came out a few months back. It said that most execs left because of Thain e.g. flemming, mcain etc.. While i do agree that thain got a good deal on that sale, he was not the driving force behind all of the good stuff that most associate with him. Flemming arranged the deal; he was also behind the Lone Star transaction.
Thank goodness I never owned either stock. Should be an awesome annual meeting! Bring on the live blogging…
Another Bess classic. Thank you!
My advice to Thain, fire the landscapers and do the yardwork yourself. And since you probably like toys, buy yourself a John Deere EZtrak Z465 to help you with the chore.
Stuart Schneiderman = John Thain
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Bess Levin Wrestles John Thain
Among financial journalists Bess Levin is sui generis. As editor of Dealbreaker.com she offers up a continuous stream of ribald commentary about the comings and goings of the major players in business and finance.
Most often her comments hit their mark. On rare occasions they go awry.
Yesterday, commenting on recently deposed Merrill Lynch CEO John Thain, Levin decided to make a sly mockery of Thain’s daily regimen. Link here.
That regimen was well described in the Wall Street Journal: “Now he [Thain] spends his time networking, and says he is optimistic that he will get another chance to run a publicly traded company. He still puts on a suit every day, even though he no longer has an office to go to.”
About which Levin, straddling the thin line between irony and sarcasm, grasped the meaning: Thain was not adjusting well to his new role as househusband. Then she added that he was “choosing to cling to a (professional) life that no longer exists.”
From there Levin happily shared her reverie of Thain, decked out in his bespoke duds, taking command of a gaggle of stuffed animals. I will spare you the details.
At the risk of sounding like a killjoy, I will offer a small qualification. When you have been laid off, it is generally a good idea to act as though you are still working. Even if that means putting on a suit and tie in the morning.
It is better to dress for where you are going than for where you are.
And when your reputation has been as badly damaged as Thain’s has, you can start recovering it by comporting yourself with dignity and decorum.
Would Thain do better to sulk around the house in his pajamas bemoaning his fate? I think not.
http://stuartschneiderman.blogspot.com/2009/04/bess-levin-wrestles-john-thain.html