The new surge in government jobs combined with the sudden shortage of finance positions was bound to create some interesting secondary effects. A great deal of interest in positions at the IRS and SEC, for instance. But there are a number of three letter agencies boosting their hiring in expectation of ballooning budgets. It shouldn’t surprise you then, oh deposed finance guru, that if you always wanted to get your bond (girl) on, now might be your chance.
Wall Street wizards may soon be plying their trade on the James Bond market.
The CIA is looking to hire the same investment bankers and financial gurus that many hold responsible for sinking the economy to help President Obama pick up the pieces — and also catch a few millionaire terrorists.
The spy agency started advertising the jobs on Bloomberg Radio, hoping to recruit investment bankers, top analysts and hedge fund honchos to use their “intelligence for the work of a nation.”
The $160,000 salary is probably a huge pay cut for many of the disgraced masters of the universe.
Sure, but think of the sideline in insider trading and the popularity you could enjoy by being Dealbreaker’s best informed tipster! (tips -at- dealbreaker -dot- -com- of course).
Also, if anyone scores an interview at the secret Manhattan location (we’re not kidding) we’d love the scoop on the quality of the coffee and bagels.
CIA Is Bullish On Wall Street [The New York Post]
Good luck unless you’ve never downloaded a single song illegally (I’m serious), and don’t speak Farsi or something along those lines…
That’ll never work. Men in finance have larger gonads than most and are inclined to brag about their exploits.
And, they check your pee first.
-Humble and patriotic refrigerator salesman who has traveled quite a bit overseas
@Anal, I see you have been through the process as well.
in all seriousness – where does one send one’s resume? none of the stories have the address, i havent heard the ad, and there is no reference to this particular hiring on their website…..
The bagels are from pic-a-bagel (sans lox) and coffee is DD.
I’ve been treated better at EWR’s NWA club (their vodka is delicious).
-Non-Music Downloader
“Posted by guest, May 28, 2009 10:26AM
in all seriousness – where does one send one’s resume? none of the stories have the address, i havent heard the ad, and there is no reference to this particular hiring on their website…..”
Finding the address is part of the test. Duh.
CIA jobs are at:
https://www.cia.gov/careers/jobs/view-all-jobs/index.html
I rather suspect $160k is the top-line number, which you aren’t going to get unless you have a rare skill (e.g. fluent Pashto) and/or already have significant experience with the government. For those who have worked in finance for the past few years, prepare for some sticker shock when you see what they’re actually offering as a salary, even at the CIA.
If the CIA isn’t your thing, or if you’ve had an “interesting” past, there’s always the Census. You, a clipboard, and long stretches of thinly populated dirt roads in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan: all those years in college finally paying off.
4
If you have to ask, then you’re not qualified.
Years ago, the British intelligence service, MI5 I think it was, advertised job openings for programmers and coders. But, to apply you had to go to their website, locate, and then crack several hidden codes/ puzzles. If you were able to identify the answers to all the progressively more hidden pieces of the puzzle, then they would come find you. No need to come calling for them.
I went to MIT and CIA recruiters bugged me for three years to take the entrance exam. They even came to a science fair I was a contestant in and hounded me there. They are very persistent. I am also a computer genius, so that helps.
Damn, I after reading #9 I was really hoping to see a doublepost @10.
I think they should recruit Le Chiffre…http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_Chiffre
@9 – so you’re saying you saw “The Recruit”…
I’ll tell you one thing, if you do go through the process and get far enough do not reneg on the CIA and try to get out. They won’t be happy.
$70K is more in the cards
@12 – No. Why? Is it about the CIA?
@6 and 8: Oh, I get it, finding the address is part of the test.
Stupid me, i thought coming out of the interview and not blabbing the bagel secrets to Bess was the test….
Hot Karl…Agent 00-Deuce.
His man Q-Tip gives him the gadgets, “It may look like an ordiary butt plug, but it is actually an rectally controlled Bloomberg terminal.”
@9….Did you later go to work for AIG and never lose money, too? Hmmmmmm……..
I am a top secret CIA operative
What is a “bonus”?
In Soviet Russia.
@18: FTW.
@10 Hilarious.
The interview went great for me.
-Jeff M
@21: FTW.
@sugardaddy
I like how they were totally “If you’ve done drugs (any variety, any quantity, whatever man!) just take a year off, but heaven forbid you ever even logged-into Kazaa! Well then you’re lucky we don’t prosecute you right here right now mister!
When I went in, it was for Clandestine Ops back senior year in college, unless you spoke some middle eastern language/dialect (maybe mandarin or cantonese got you by also) they were offering like $45k/year to put your a$$ on the line.
Yea, thanks, but no thanks.
Same here. Went through a 9 mo process a few years ago (out of school for 6 years) got to the finals and then they dropped the salary. $60k…hmmm Plus the fact that I have blond hair didn’t really help in the question “how would you blend in if you were stationed in Pakistan.”
Oh and also I was asked, “how does your job in finance possibly prepare you for a job in intelligence?”
Raise your hand if you think that:
1. You will pass a drug test.
2. You will pass a lie detector test.
3. You are sure your girlfriend (or ex) will not reveal something embarrassing about you.
[The sound of crickets chirping.]
Never mind.
(Also, for those considering clandestine operations, don’t do it. I hear Cheney reads DB and will out your ass just for the fun of it. The man still has enormous power.)
@Sugardaddy
Blonde hair worked in Team America, right?
@ 28
If you make #2 the new #1 I’m sure at least a few people here would make it to the current #1, where they will promptly fail (despite drinking a gallon of GNC juice the night before).
@ 10 yes!
@19 nice use of the “I am a…”
@Sugardaddy – pretty sure you could bring some Just For Men with you and dye it black.
I think the plan is to “recruit” snitches in exchange for reduced sentence. Get in the program before it’s too late.
Dealbreaker has been selling the IP addresses of its commenters to the CIA for years. If we have not contacted you already, it’s because we have sent your names and files directly to the FBI and the IRS.
Have a nice day.
- Bill O’Donovan, Jr.
@33. I’m not worried about the IRS – I use TurboTax
No pay, but at least you get to lie to congress.
The Dude’s Resume
http://www.rhsmith.umd.edu/senbetfund/pdfs_docs/resumes07-08/Gregg%20Martirosian%20Resume.pdf
[Redacted]
@36. You’re a double jackass. Wrong thread and no respect.
@11, you mean brady dugan?