Picture 1360.pngCNBC reports that Bernie Madoff’s sentencing, originally scheduled for June 16, has been postponed ’til June 29, to give victims a little more time to work on their statements, which are to be read in court. They now have until June 10 at 9PM to get them in, which should leave plenty of time for Wanda Sykes to do some re-writes. If you’re feeling inspired, or have any suggestions for material other than “don’t worry about missing the handies, Bubba will have you covered,” please feel free to share at this time.

Comments (16)

  1. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 11:38 AM

    madoff– the 20th terrorist

  2. Posted by merkin capital partners | May 14, 2009 at 11:38 AM

    it must suck being a distant second in the exclusive world of dyke comediennes.

  3. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    @2- wanda is second to no one!

  4. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 11:41 AM

    @2- go fuck yourself.
    –wanda sykes

  5. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 11:43 AM

    they should sell tickets to this thing, with the proceeds going to investors.

  6. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 11:46 AM

    I dont feel bad for these people at all. If you dont second guess 30-50% returns regardless of the economy you are either retarded, a s-bag or have your head completely buried up your arse.

  7. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 11:50 AM

    How about a Dunking Booth over caustic acid bath at the hearing? Read your statement and pay $1000 per throw. Who is up? You up, Selridge?

  8. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 11:55 AM

    @6
    Come on now lets not get all serious now. And besides the returns were more like 10%, so in many recent years Madoff underperformed the market. True steady returns over the last few decades should have raised questions, but that’s a moot point now. Better to hold a cage match between Bernie and Stanford, with proceeds going to help any investor with a net worth of less than one million dollars.

  9. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 11:59 AM

    @8, def not 10% returns. He was guaranteeing 15% to start. First of all, anyone guarantees you anything that is the reddest of flags, and by the way illegal. It was a typical dont ask/dont tell policy.

  10. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 12:00 PM

    wow are trish regan’s titties swollen today

  11. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 12:07 PM

    Greatest tags ever! Both the neocons left in America can go fuck themselves.

  12. Posted by merkin capital partners | May 14, 2009 at 12:16 PM

    @11… I’d say your boy Barry is really building a moderate base with these policies. Best of luck in 2012.

  13. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 12:21 PM

    I remember doing a due diligence on a fund with cdos and mbs products that showed between 100 to 200 basis point gains on a monthly basis for 2+ years!! I would ask, how is this possible can I see how you mark your products and the head trader would tell (yell) at me, “We are a market neutral firm, thats what we do, show consistant monthly returns!”,needless to say we did not put money in that fund,and boy am I glad and Mr Trader if you are reading this go fuck yourself and all the graphs and bullshit you threw at me trying to confuse me but couldnt give me simple answers to simple questions. Shove that CFA up you ass.

  14. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 12:25 PM

    Most people are greedy, lazy and stupid. And I am one of them. Bye.

  15. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 12:33 PM

    @13…..I apologize. I was lucky, not smart back then. I decline to shove my CFA up my ass but as part of my 12 Step Recovery for Traders I am obliged to apologize to everyone I can for being a gigantic asshole. I accept the fact that my asshole-ness is uncontrollable and overpowering. When I get the urge to be an asshole trader I call my sponsor, a naptha trader, and together we recite all the good things I have done that day until the urge passes. Today I am going to call a middle office accountant and apologize for making her cry over a mark-to-market issue some months back. If I complete my 12 Step program for Traders, my employer may let me keep my job. If I don’t I may have to actually find real work in order to survive.
    Namaste,
    Mr. Trader

  16. Posted by guest | May 14, 2009 at 4:20 PM

    I gotta lotta problems with you people… and now youre gonna hear about it!

Leave a comment

You can log in with your account or comment as a guest below.