Kidding, but seriously, they sort of seem to be hinting at that. Every single profile you've ever read of the former Treasury Secretary, under contract, must include at least one graph mentioning the fact that Bald is big, tall, could palm a basketball, and intimidates the hell out of anyone within a 200 foot radius, a skill he was born with but honed as a lineman at Dartmouth. Seriously, he actually will kill you, or at least look at you in such a way that indicates bones have the potential to be broken if things don't go his way (Ken Lewis knows what we're talkin about). But no one to this point has gone so far to suggest that the brawn vastly dwarfs the brain, or that Bald came to run Goldman in spite of not having much going on up in that dome piece. Until now.
Paulson was known as "the Hammer" as a 6-foot-1, 200-pound tackle on the Dartmouth football team because he seemed to explode at the snap of the ball. Tenacity and drive, more than brainpower, have distinguished his career. He has been a champion arm-twister and shrewd enough: when he rescued Goldman's IPO in the wake of the Russian financial crash in 1998 he made hundreds of millions for his partners and shortly thereafter became their leader. Yet Paulson can be oddly inarticulate for such a powerful man. He is not a Wall Street smoothie: no trophy wife (he remains married to his college sweetheart), and at Goldman he was known for wearing penny loafers, not handmade Italian shoes. He's an avid bird watcher. A nonsmoking, nondrinking Christian Scientist, he did not head for the Hamptons on the weekend but visited his mother in Barrington, Ill. Yet, physically imposing, radiating a confident forcefulness, he came to stand for the dominating Goldman brand. In the Wall Street hierarchy, Goldman is the smartest and most confident of them all: the firm makes bets, but only ones it feels sure to win.
Posted by miami , May 18, 2009 2:57PM
'radiating a confident forcefulness, he came to stand for the dominating Goldman brand. In the Wall Street hierarchy, Goldman is the smartest and most confident of them all: the firm makes bets, but only ones it feels sure to win.'
So, the guy who knows what he knows and what he doesn't know only makes bets he can win....yeah, that's pretty idiotic imo.
I think that Warren faker acts the same way...who does he think he is, admitting some things are over his head?
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 2:59PM
Terrible writing by Newsweek...
Oddly inarticulate is backed up by his unwillingness to live up to the banker stereotypes of buying hand-made Italian shoes, heading to the Hamptons on the weekends, and having a trophy wife???
Three cheers to Paulson for not being a d-bag sheep.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:00PM
@1- that line refers to GS, not HP.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:02PM
Big Dumb Momma's Boy
Posted by miami , May 18, 2009 3:03PM
3 - no duh sherlock, and who ran GS?
Another garbage pieces from a soon-to-be out of business rag.
Posted by merkin capital partners , May 18, 2009 3:13PM
"Tenacity and drive, more than brainpower, have distinguished his career."
And that's probably true of about 99% of the most successful men who ever lived. Pussies.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:14PM
@5. I was thinking the same thing. Most of this opinion stuff (newspapers, mags, TV etc.) is doomed. Or at least no one will pay for it anymore.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:19PM
When we were kids we called him El Bobo. That's slang for genius in spanish.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:22PM
I remember him swallowing a whole bag full of marbles once. I'm glad he's still alive.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:25PM
Suppose it helped that he had Terry Tate as his Number 2.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:28PM
I don't know about now, but he used to cry like a baby every time he heard the theme music from "Lassie".
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:30PM
And he has an undergraduate degree in English Lit.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:31PM
@5
"No duh sherlock, and who ran GS?"
I understand that you are understandably perturbed by the obvious statement that 3 made, but there is never a reasonable excuse to use the "No duh Sherlock" line anywhere that people are more than about 12 years old.
NOw pop that pimple and get back to class
Posted by Anal_yst , May 18, 2009 3:33PM
@12
...which explains his always-eloquent prose...
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:34PM
He's been known to eat bananas with the peels on.
Posted by Equity Private , May 18, 2009 3:37PM
I don't want to hear any more crap about Hank. When his single comes out (as you see, he's recording it in the picture above) you'll all be sorry.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:41PM
@EP I hear its called "Don't break the buck the achy breaky buck"
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:42PM
@16
He's actually working on a compilation of spoken word poems.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:51PM
In college once he took a dump that was so huge we sent a photo of it to the Dartmouth. It was never published, but to this day he's still a legend.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:53PM
6'1" 200lbs is intimidating? WTF? Are the journalists writing these things hobbits or something? Dude could barely make the cut as running back these days.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:55PM
@20- are you saying that paulson is not intimidating? is that what you're saying? 'cause a lot of people would beg to differ, and I'm guessing you'd shit your pants in his presence.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:55PM
He is the most interesting man in the world!
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:58PM
@22
But if he drank Dos Equis that would be violating Buy American provisions in the bailout. How does that work?
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:58PM
@22
But if he drank Dos Equis that would be violating Buy American provisions in the bailout. How does that work?
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:58PM
@20 / 21
6'1 200lbs is not intimidating
ThE Hammer is not intimidating
I am saying that and have stepped outside to settle matters with 6'8 felons. It doesn't that it did not go so well for me but whatever. Intimidation is something estrogen creates.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:59PM
@20 - That is intimidating in Ivy League football. Similarly, in Ivy League basketball, 6'4" is really tall.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 3:59PM
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on HP... except for the part about planting apple trees... and not raping men.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:00PM
20 You're right 6'1" is not that big, but "Hankenstein" as we used to call him way back then had that deceptive retard stregth. I saw him bust an anvil once - for real!
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:03PM
Bess get it right a big difference between linebacker and lineman. One scores an average of 26 (an IQ of 112) on the Wonderlic the other a semi-retarded 19 (an IQ of 98). Shows that Paulson is smrt:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhrfhjLd9e4
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:03PM
@25
Anyone making claims about fights in an anonymous internet forum needs to go back to their momma's basement and never come out again.
EVERYONE POINT AND LAUGH AT 25 WHO TALKS TOUGH IN AN INTERNET FORUM ON A FINANCIAL GOSSIP SIGHT!!!!!!!!!! ROFL!!!
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:04PM
Hah! EP, your comment @16 just made me snort like a pig. Since I am unemployed and home alone, it wasn't as embarrassing as it might have been had I been in an office.
Dunno whether he's genius smart or not, but he's got several hundred million dollars more than I have, so I guess that's good for something.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:08PM
I would rather pound Becky Quick in the ass than Hank Paulson.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:12PM
I would rather pound Becky Quick in the ass than Hank Paulson.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:12PM
well, who's dumb enough to think that to make it big in any industry, most of all banking, you have to have the brain power of john nash? i mean it requires other skills, right, like being a leader, making people listen to you, political savvy, and so on.... i remember i almost died laughing when i saw his facial expression the first time he faced the congress and had to field those dumb-ass questions from people who knew shit about finance. you could tell that behind the polite and slightly ineloquent sentences, he was seriously contemplating picking up the table and throwing it at someone for not simply listening to him and doing as he says. must be tough to go from being GS's CEO to everyone's punching bag.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:17PM
@34- um, who said you had to have the brain power of john nash? no one.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:18PM
Rumor on the street has it that HP's real fear factor lies not in his hulking, sub-thyroid tumor dimensions but rather in his horribly twisted, arthritic, mangled meathooks.
Legend has it that one day the Montauk monster was frolicking on the beaches of Long Island, splashing in the gentle waves and sunbathing in the soft sand when it caught a glimpse of Hank's deformed digits causing myocardial infarction on the spot and its untimely death.
R.I.P. Montauck Monster!
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:20PM
Well said @34. Newsweek should do an expose on the intelligence of the folks on the banking committee. Maxine Waters first please.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:32PM
@30: Pfft
-25
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:35PM
I am intimidated by people of color.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:40PM
I am intimidated by a punk ass bitch with a badge and a gun
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:41PM
@28, once he punched a hole in a cow just to see what was coming up the road!
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:41PM
They call be the white mamba.
Porker Stansberry
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:43PM
well, who's dumb enough to think that to make it big in any industry, most of all banking, you have to have the brain power of john nash? i mean it requires other skills, right, like being a leader, making people listen to you, political savvy, and so on.... i remember i almost died laughing when i saw his facial expression the first time he faced the congress and had to field those dumb-ass questions from people who knew shit about finance. you could tell that behind the polite and slightly ineloquent sentences, he was seriously contemplating picking up the table and throwing it at someone for not simply listening to him and doing as he says. must be tough to go from being GS's CEO to everyone's punching bag.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:45PM
HP loves tranny hookers from the mp district who horsewhip him and call him Geithner.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:53PM
44 Are there really tranny hookers in MPD? Thought that stopped years ago when the meatpacking left and it became what it is today.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:53PM
@38 &25
What? no tough guy response? That's what I thought. Never talk smack about how tough you are in an anonymous internet forum. Nothing says I'm a tool louder.
30
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:55PM
45 again. That said, 44 could be confused cause the women that hang there today don't look that different than trannie hookers.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 4:56PM
well, who's dumb enough to think that to make it big in any industry, most of all banking, you have to have the brain power of john nash? i mean it requires other skills, right, like being a leader, making people listen to you, political savvy, and so on.... i remember i almost died laughing when i saw his facial expression the first time he faced the congress and had to field those dumb-ass questions from people who knew shit about finance. you could tell that behind the polite and slightly ineloquent sentences, he was seriously contemplating picking up the table and throwing it at someone for not simply listening to him and doing as he says. must be tough to go from being GS's CEO to everyone's punching bag.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 5:02PM
I am afraid of 6 foot tranny hookers who crack lobsters with their bare hands while never breaking eye contact with you.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 5:10PM
@48- leave the same comment one more time. really, do it.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 5:11PM
did it ever occur to "newsweek" that he could be sporting the same type of package as the post below. how much investigative journalism do you need to understand this!?!?
http://dealbreaker.com/2009/05/caption-contest-of-horrors-mon.php
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 5:13PM
@51- and if it did occur to them what would happen next? they'd fuck? not sure where you're going with this one.
Posted by NotNasser , May 18, 2009 5:14PM
"He is not a Wall Street smoothie: no trophy wife (he remains married to his college sweetheart), and at Goldman he was known for wearing penny loafers, not handmade Italian shoes."
---
Yes, what an obvious nitwit.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 5:20PM
@52-- do i have to acronym it out for you?!? BSD in the literal sense.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 5:20PM
@53- it seems like that was not meant to be supportive of the idea that he's dumb, but rather a new point.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 5:22PM
@54- No, genius, I got that you were saying newsweek should've stopped to think "maybe this guy has a huge dick," but I was wondering if you could tell us what the fuck difference that would've made in the article? would the writer and subject have fucked, and the piece come out differently?
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 5:26PM
and @52-- it yields him a quiet sense of confidence. every girl knows that guys with teeny weenies have to resort to the law of large numbers(if a man begs a 1000 girls for sex, chances are he'll find one that will say yes, so he's happy to beg til he finds that one hit) or italian made sportscars to validate his success.
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 7:53PM
Goldman wins its bets because it cheats.
It staffs the government and donated nearly $900 million to Obama.
Those level 3 assets on its balance sheets have never been an issue.
Lying Cheating and Stealing
That is The Golden Scrote Way
G'Scrote!!!!!
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 7:54PM
Goldman wins its bets because it cheats.
It staffs the government and donated nearly $900 million to Obama.
Those level 3 assets on its balance sheets have never been an issue.
Lying Cheating and Stealing
That is The Golden Scrote Way
G'Scrote!!!!!
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 9:15PM
http://thedartmouth.com/2009/05/15/news/paulson/
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 9:23PM
@16
LOL, very clever
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 11:06PM
Haha...6'1'' 200lbs, about the size of an average D-1 free safety...real intimidating
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 11:06PM
Haha...6'1'' 200lbs, about the size of an average D-1 free safety...real intimidating
Posted by guest , May 18, 2009 11:32PM
@37
From your fingers to God's ears!
-The girl from California
Posted by guest , May 19, 2009 12:02AM
THE STORY OF FLYING HANK PAULSEN
(The Story of Flying Robert, Struwwelpeter)
WilliamBanzai7's Subprime Struwwelpeter
When the bear market rain comes tumbling down
In the country clubs or on Wall Street town,
All good little girls and boys
Stay at home and mind their toys.
But Hank Paulsen thought, "No, when it pours,
It is better out of doors."
Rain it did, and in a minute
Hank was in it.
Here you see him, silly fellow,
Underneath his red TARP umbrella.
What a bailout wind! oh! how it whistles
Through the taxpayer trees, Federal flowers and deficit thistles!
It has caught his red TARP umbrella:
Now look at him, silly fellow--
Up he flies
In the Trillion Dollar Bailout skies.
No one heard his screams and cries;
Through the subprime clouds the rude wind bore him,
And his Goldman hat flew on before him.
Soon they got to such a height,
They were nearly out of sight.
And the hat went up so high,
That it nearly touched the sovereign bankrupt sky.
No one ever yet could tell
Where they stopped, or where they fell:
Posted by guest , May 19, 2009 12:18AM
@65
STFU and stay away. Oh, and lose your dealbreaker link. It's been a lot more pleasant without you, douchebag.
Posted by guest , May 19, 2009 12:50AM
god, that picture is fucking ridiculous
nice find DB
Posted by guest , May 19, 2009 9:30AM
I am intimidated by the red dot indians have on their forehead. I heard they have spy cameras installed in there.
Posted by guest , May 19, 2009 10:38AM
@50, i can't help it--i, too, played football for dartmouth and can't speak in complete sentences or properly operate buttons on my computer. they call me the hammerfinger.
respectfully,
@48
Posted by guest , May 19, 2009 10:41AM
@50, i can't help it--i, too, played football for dartmouth and can't speak in complete sentences or properly operate buttons on my computer. they call me the hammerfinger.
respectfully,
@48
Posted by guest , May 19, 2009 10:46AM
he also wore cvs plastic watches for 10 bucks. anyone want to take a shot at that one? @58, while i'm at it--choke on it. only losers think that winners win because they cheat. otherwise, what does that say about you, that you just don't have it? seriously, despite what your mother told you, sometimes people get ahead in life precisely because they have something that you do not, not because they cheated, stole, or bribed their way up. are you related to barney frank by any chance?
for those who do not find 6.1 to be an intimidating size for football players, i want to remind you that he played before pumping 'roids was the way to get ahead in sports. au naturale, baby....
@48 (let's see how many times i can post this one)
Posted by guest , May 19, 2009 10:47AM
@66, well said. rock on!
Posted by guest , May 19, 2009 1:53PM
@16
Rumor has it that he's recording a tribute to Harry Nilsson. That picture was taken when he was reading the lyrics to "Don't Forget Me" for the first time.
Posted by guest , May 19, 2009 8:26PM
SKIMBLE-HANK: THE BAILOUT FAT CAT
(SKIMBLESHANKS: THE RAILWAY CAT, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
There's a whisper down the line at 11.39
When the TARP Metroliner's ready to depart,
Saying `Skimble where is Skimble has he gone to hunt the Gold bailout thimble?
We must find him or the TARP train can't start.'
All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster's daughters
They are searching high and low,
Saying `Skimble where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble
Then the TARP Metroliner just can't go.'
At 11.42 then the AIG collateral call's nearly due
And the CDS counter party passengers are frantic to a man -
Then Skimble-Hank will appear and he'll saunter to the rear:
He's been busy in the bailout luggage van!
He gives one flash of his glass-blue eyes
And the signal goes `All Clear!'
And we're off at last for the northern part
Of the Bailout Hemisphere!
You may say that by and large it is Skimble-Hank who's in charge
Of the Bailout Express.
From Bernanke the Fed driver and his guards to the NY Fed bagmen playing bailout cards
He will supervise them all, more or less.
Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces
Of the bankers in the First and in the Third;
He establishes control by a regular patrol
And he'd know at once if anything occurred.
He will watch you without winking and he sees what you are thinking
And it's certain that he doesn't approve
Of hilarity and riot, so the folk are very quiet
When Skimble-Hank is about and on them over.
You can play no pranks with Skimble-Hank!
He's a Fed Fat Cat that cannot be ignored;
So nothing goes wrong on the Bailout Express
When Skimbles-Hanks is aboard.
Oh it's very pleasant when you have found your little bailout den
With your name written up on the door.
And the berth is very neat with a newly folded balance sheet
And there's not a speck of toxic asset dust on the floor.
There is every sort of opaque light - you can make it dark or bright;
There's a button that you turn to shoot the breeze.
There's a funny little basin you're supposed to wash your dodgy assets in
And a crank to shut the subprime window if you sneeye.
Then the guard looks in politely and will ask you very brightly
`do you like your morning bailout tea weak or strong?'
But Skimble-Hank's just behind him and was ready to remind him,
For Skimble won't let anything go wrong.
And when you creep into your cosy bailout berth
And call up your worried counterparties,
You are bound to admit that it's very nice
To know that your won't be bothered by creditor mice -
You can leave all that to the TARP Railway Cat,
The Fed Fat Cat of the TARP Bailout Train!
In the middle of the night he is always fresh and bright;
Every now and then he has a cup of Goldman Sachs tea
With perhaps a drop of Goldman Sachs Scotch while he's keeping the watch,
Only stopping here and there to catch a flea.
You were fast asleep at two and so you never knew
That he was walking up and down the bank rescue station;
You were sleeping all the while he was busy with Bernanke in dep contemplation,
Then he greets the Capital Hill stationmaster with elation.
But you saw him at Lehman, where he summons the Fed police
If there's anything they ought to know about:
when your lead to the AIG gallows there you do not have to worry -
For Skimbles-Hank will help you to get out!
He gives you a wave of his long pinstriped tail
Which says: `I'll see you again!
You'll meet without fail on the TARP Midnight Metroliner
The Fed Fat Cat of the TARP Bailout Train.'
Posted by guest , May 20, 2009 8:16AM
i move to bar people who write bad poetry from public websites.