May 2009

  • News

    A Citi Shareholder Is Born

    Well, this is upsetting. We’re big on babies and formalities, so had we known Dick Parsons was having a lovechild with model MacDella Cooper, we would’ve sent over a nice note and maybe a plush stuffed duck or something, like we’ve done in the past for all our favorite bank chairmen and CEOs. Now, it’s […]

    / May 22, 2009 at 10:53 AM
  • News

    KKR Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Leverage (Other Government Cheese OK)

    It must be a measure of the times that a firm that regards itself with such favor would deign to even consider participating in something so base as a government recovery program, much less discuss it on the record. Or perhaps Mr. Kravis is just a lot more loose-lipped than he used to be. That’s […]

    / May 22, 2009 at 10:21 AM
  • News

    In Our Minds We’re Already Gone

    It’s Friday before a long weekend and clearly we don’t have to tell you we’ve completely checked out.* Unfortunately we’re obligated to stick around here for a few more hours, so, shall we discuss everyone’s Memorial Day plans? This guy Joe Couceiro– Barry Williams’ doppelgänger–would probably appreciate it if we all took a trip to […]

    / May 22, 2009 at 10:08 AM
  • News

    Geithner: Compensation Changes Are A-Comin’

    He maintains they won’t be capping your asses, but you should probably still gird those loins. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner called for major changes in compensation practices at financial companies and said the Obama administration’s plan to help realign pay with performance will be rolled out by mid-June. “I don’t think we can go back […]

    / May 22, 2009 at 9:45 AM
  • News

    Opening Bell: 05.22.09

    William Richards is off today. OB brought to you by anal_yst. Ezra Merkin Quits Synagogue Post (NYT) And just after being nominated chairman. Might’ve had to do with losing a bunch of members a truckload of money. The Road To Bankruptcy (The Atlantic) “At the end of his book’s harrowing account of mortgage mistakes and […]

    / May 22, 2009 at 7:54 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 05.21.09

    $$$ Sleep where Marissa Brown née Noel (daughter of Walter and Monica) hath slept. She and the husb have put their UES townhouse on the market for $12 million, though apparently they’re willing to take “much” less. [Daily Intel] $$$ Mild Skepticism: Credit Card Bill of Rights Edition [DJT] $$$ Of course Google isn’t buying […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 5:45 PM
  • Heard in the Suite

    An Interview With Benjamin N. Dover, III

    Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT muffmarkets.com) was an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. She concentrated in Contemporary French Poetry at prep school where she was awarded the exclusive premiership of the school’s […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 4:46 PM
  • News

    Memo: Ed Liddy Getting The Hell Out Of AIG, Says Ed Liddy

    As soon as replacements are found for the chair and CEO positions, which are being separated. Any takers? Dear Colleagues, I wanted to let you know that I have informed the Board of Directors of my intention to step down from my roles as Chairman and Chief Executive Officer once the Board successfully concludes a […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 4:11 PM
  • News

    What’s Up With Jeff Macke?

    As it relates to Tuesday night’s completely bizarre episode with Dennis Kneale? Gawker reports that the network is worried about his mental health, which may have something to do with “stressful” contract negotiations. Apparently, we’re told, everyone is “highly disturbed” by the showing, up to the “highest levels of CNBC,” and some people wonder if […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 4:10 PM
  • News

    We Need To Have A Chat: About Commenting On Dealbreaker

    This is somewhat overdue, but our default is to avoid tough conversations, preferring instead to bury our feelings and live in denial. But the time has come. As you may or may not know, we love (most) Dealbreaker readers and are happy to have you here. And we want you to feel comfortable, and not […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 2:38 PM
  • News

    Presented Without Comment: Sorry, Arnie

    Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner said the U.S.’s $700 billion financial rescue package can’t be used to aid Lehman Brotherscities and states facing budget crises. The law “does not appear to us to provide a viable way of responding to the issues that Lehman Brothers facesthat challenge,” Geithner told a House Appropriations subcommittee in Washington today. […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 2:22 PM
  • News

    Three Dreier Sheets To The Wind

    Even now Marc Dreier’s assets are being fire-saled away. What an awful pity. Perhaps someone should have pointed out, however, that “Dreier’s Escape” was sort of slow for a get-away craft. Marc Dreier’s Fire Sale at Sea [Cityfile]

    / May 21, 2009 at 2:14 PM
  • News

    The SEC To The Rescue!

    The SEC gets a bad rap. This is because they richly deserve it. For years they have concentrated on petty frauds at the expense of actually uncovering massive, systemically dangerous shenanigans, even when led directly to them. However, it would be rude to call them irredeemable. They do, after all, provide very entertaining copy on […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 2:07 PM
  • News

    Loveshacks Will Save Us All, Says Ex-Citadel Employee

    Thought you were alone in your quiet shame of needing a discrete place to bang a prostie or pal, the trading floor bathroom no longer being an option? Think again! Your Japanese counterparts (and colleagues there on business) are in the same posish and the economy yonder over there is benefiting. Bloomberg reports that Japanese […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 1:02 PM
  • News

    Expensive And Beautiful Silk Panty Garments- For Everyone!

    Some stories, you just have no idea how to improve on. The irony and satire is so implicit in the fact pattern that any commentary seems somewhat strained by comparison. One struggles to unify the themes, only to find them so intricately locked in a matrix that to move them is to detract from the […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 12:28 PM
  • News

    Scam Artist Makes Offer For Madoff Securities That’d Make Bernie Proud

    The Post reports that Irving Picard, the court-appointed trustee overseeing the liquidation of Ponzi Nation, has received a $100 trillion offer for Big Bern’s baby. It comes from Ade Ogunjobi, who put an “all stock tax free transaction involving $100 trillion in stock or 400 million shares” of his company, Toks Inc on the table. […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 11:17 AM
  • News

    Shareholder Revenge

    One hears often lately that shareholders are simply incapable of “throwing the bastards out.” Even in the face of mounting losses and some very poor risk management very few corporate heads have actually been tossed by shareholders. Government, of course, has been more “effective” in this regard. Still, of the vanishingly small pool of shareholder […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 11:07 AM
  • News

    Bank of America Wants In On This TARP Payback Business, ASAP

    Not as soon as Goldman, though that’d be nice, but about three decades earlier than anyone expected it’d get done. BAC is apparently telling people it’ll have the government out its hair by the end of the year, after raising the $35 billion in capital the Treasury claims are necessary by September, and returning the […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 10:51 AM
  • News

    New York City Doomed!

    Wall Street being the lifeblood of the city and all that, the state of financial jobs is, one notices, a topic of concern. This being so, here comes the bad joss from the Independent Budget Office of New York: Wall Street securities firms will emerge from the current recession in a down-sized mode, with few […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 10:35 AM
  • News

    Unfounded Rumor Of The Morning: Raises At Bank of America?

    Mailbag: Supposedly many at BAC-MER are getting raises to their base compensation. It seems very widespread overseas, especially in Hong Kong and London. But back in the land of Barney Frank and Maxine Waters, less so. I’ve only heard this so far on the Merrill legacy side (at all title levels), though I would think […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 10:03 AM
  • News

    Jim Cramer Now Taking On Dollar Dominatrix, Fantasizing About Her In Pigtails

    Oh, don’t think for a second this mean he’s finished with Nouriel Roubini, he’s just spreading the love/hate around. To recap: last month Cramer said that Roubs was “intoxicated” with his own “prescience and vision.” Roubini responded with “Cramer is a buffoon,” and the alleged court jester, who loves it when you tell him he […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 9:42 AM
  • News

    Who Should Take Over For Ken Lewis At Bank Of America?

    Just, you know, in case. He’s not being escorted from the building yet, and, apparently, if Bank of Amerillwide turns a profit everything will be cool in Lewis Land, but the BAC board is supposedly “quietly preparing for the possibility [they’ll have to replace KL] and will soon create a list of potential successors.” Since […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 9:25 AM
  • News

    Hedge Fund Fraudsters Beware

    You’ve had a good run, mostly because the mall security guards that were supposed to be keeping an eye on you were in the break room daring each other to do tequila shots that involved snorting the salt, taking the shot and squeezing the lime in their eyes, and just JO&C’ing on the clock in […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 9:11 AM
  • News

    Opening Bell: 05.21.09

    S&P Lowers Britain’s Debt Outlook (WSJ) S&P has lowered the outlook from stable to negative on public debt concerns (now approaching 100% of GDP), giving warning to the central bank that they need to step in to curtail the practices. S&P has noted that they’re not likely to downgrade soon, but rather that a downgrade […]

    / May 21, 2009 at 8:15 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 05.20.09

    $$$ Fuld Resigns As Lehman’s Chairman [NYT] $$$ “The U.S. is set to invest more than $7 billion into GMAC, part of a package that could total $14 billion and make the government majority owner.” [WSJ] $$$ Fed faith grows from April’s wary optimism [FT] $$$ I-banks, law firms hiring for structured finance [The Deal]

    / May 20, 2009 at 6:16 PM
  • News

    B of A: Now That Recovery Is In Sight, Let’s Kill Pay

    Can you think of anyone less qualified to make assertions on pay, and economic recovery than Kenneth Lewis? Yes, Big Bird is a good answer, it’s true. In some ways we are quite surprised to see that Ken is making waves. The man is quite lucky still to be working so it is hard to […]

    / May 20, 2009 at 5:51 PM
  • News

    Ken Lewis Finally Cuts Himself Off

    1 drink short of Bank of Amerillwide necessitating a stomach pump, but no matter. Better late than never, right-o, BAC shareholders? (And for all you naysayers out there– this has nothing to do with him getting flack over Countrywide and Merrill which, we’ll say it again, were brilliant acquisitions whose genius is yet to be […]

    / May 20, 2009 at 4:22 PM
  • News

    Splat!

    Nothing is fucked people. Nothing. Nothing at all. Green shoots are made thick oak. Cats have filed for voluntary separations from dogs and are no longer living together. Britney will retire from creating… anything. Including children. The Flu is cured. So is cancer. Just relax, will you? Lawmakers in Washington are increasingly optimistic that the […]

    / May 20, 2009 at 2:50 PM

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