Is anyone else looking forward, really looking forward to The Safecracker’s Beijing trip next week? We certainly are. Reuters says this:
U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner has a chance next week to persuade anxious Chinese authorities their investments in huge and growing volumes of U.S. debt securities are safe and sound.
His visit to Beijing must deal with tough economic realities: the United States is issuing new debt in record volumes as it seeks to finance an array of programs to right its economy, while China is growing nervous about whether its U.S. “nest egg” is secure.
Of course, much hinges on the Timster’s visit. A small error could spell big problems. So we’ve put together a little “DOs” and “DON’Ts” list. We know Tim reads us, so we’re confident this will smooth things over and keep things on the up and up.
DO: Make sure your visa is in order before getting on the government jet.
DON’T: Bring sunscreen. The smog takes care of that for you.
DO: Bring Treasury brochures and marketing materials. We are particularly partial to the “Safe Savings For Education” series.
DON’T: Try to avoid the VAT. We know it is tempting. Just trust us. They aren’t as forgiving as confirmation committees in the United States. And, no, Tim, there is no “TurboTax 2009: The Chinese VAT” software add-on.
DO: Bring enough lubricant. Xie Xuren will want some minions to try before he buys.
DON’T: Present a Publisher’s Clearing House sized check for “Six Dollars” marked “Paid In Full” at the bottom. Chinese humor can be difficult to manage and the consequences of failure are extreme.
DO: Beg. It works in the East.
DON’T: Bow when the cameras are rolling. Duh.
DO: Be polite to your secret-police minder.
DON’T: Ask him about the execution/organ harvesting vans unless you want a personal tour.
We are pretty confident that, if he follows our advice, Timmy will manage his way back just fine. (Though sitting on the plane for double digit hours on the way home might be a tad painful).
Geithner to Beijing: Keep buying our debt [Reuters]
Awesome Post!
You missed one.
DO: Offer your Chinese hosts to keep the Yuan artificially low so they can export cheap, poisonous crap to the US putting US manufacturers out of business. (Reminder to Self: Slap Schumer, Frank and Dodd into submission upon reaching deal with the Chinese!)
That pic shows what happens to bankers in China when they write “structures” that they don’t pay on when due. Pirates get the same dose of “Terminil” in the 7.62 mm “capsule” form.
Do: Pay homage to Tienenman Square and congratulate your hosts on comin’ a long way since then.
The Chinese do not mess around. I’d love to export many of our “Masters of the Universe” to Beijing for retraining or burial.
Seeing as she is there this week for a conference on global warming, why couldn’t Timmy and Pelosi have jetpooled?
-So wanting to put a carbon footprint into Nancy’s ass
I am so ronery!
I am so sad ~ so arone ~ and ronery!
The blue shirted dudes have hats on with emblems upon them that oddly appear to be like that emblem of Quiznos Pizza.
http://www.quiznos.com
DO: Bring back some authentic ninja stars for Barry.
@ 6 EXCELLENT Sleepless in Seattle reference
I don’t think he’ll need the lube, just the knee pads.
DON’T: Wear novelty shirt sporting the slogan, “I’m HUGE in China” that was gift from Barney Frank
What’s the issue? China still pegs their currency to the dollar even when the US Treasury long-term yields continue to rise. One thing doesn’t change, China and the US have a codependent relationship.
DON’T: Mention your sleepover at the Dalai Lama’s house, where you stayed up all night and told ghost stories.
DON’T: Ask for a refund on your street copy of “Star Trek.”
DON’T: ask where all the stray cats went.
DON’T: Ask your hosts to join you in a rousing version of Jingle Bells.
@16, I think you mean Deck the Halls
17 They sang Jingle Bells too.
@12 They peg it alright! Double digit growth for years and yet somehow the Yuan always keeps its low value. Wonder how? Ask Morgan Stanley how they assisted the Chinese in this little matter by way of their US Government ties. See http://www.nypost.com/seven/10202006/business/morgan_stanley_in_chinese_snow_job_business_roddy_boyd.htm
for reference.
Publisher’s Clearing House is a hilariously appropriate name for the Treasury.
@16, 18 – this guest stands corrected.
Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra……
DO: Show Them The Chinese Finger trap you made out of dollar bills.
22 FTW!
Your do’s and don’ts are all corny and sound so illiterate!Maybe native American Indians can do better as well the troops of Sotomayor.
Pitiful article and postings!
Please don’t make obvious our insecurity and confusion.I know our economy is fuck! Your short mindedness made it worse.
24/25 It’s a little game called Russian Roulette – real simple and you can play alone. Have fun!
Do: remind them that we saved their asses from the Japanese.
DONT: ask them to build a shritty warr
Pretend you didn’t start off your job saying that they were currency manipulators and then backtracking immediately because it might make you come off as an idiot who’s in over his head. Try to pick up a copy of Currency Pegs for Dummies in the airport if you have a layover or ask your secretary to explain the simple concept.
- Fixed Income