Our favorite Swiss bank in town emailed the incoming S&T analyst class this morning with some news, good or bad depending on whether or not anyone in the group was hoping to spend the next 12 months finding him/herself. One year deferral, 15k pretax for the year– no option. And have a great day!
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- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
Whooo! 15k! That’s almost $1250 a month! Who needs bottle service when you can afford all the malt liquor you want??
Is it ok to take a job at a local fast food or retail outlet or would that jeopardize the $15k?
@1- it’s 15k for doing nothing (and yes, they’re allowed to get another job at the same time)
operations too
operations too
Its time for my secretary to toss my salad.
Uh, why did they have an incoming class to begin with? WTF?
U B Screwed – maybe?
It’s unfortunate but this is the business we’ve chosen.
@2 – doing nothing? Sure the $15k is somewhat better than showing up in June and being told there is no job for you…
But it is May. Aren’t these kids who thought they had a job? Maybe some of them made plans for moving to NY? Or even gave up other opportunities to work for UBS?
@9- ”
Take the money and look for another job.”
they haven’t been given the option to NOT take the money>
Take the money and look for another job.
In a year, UBS’s role in helping Americans cheap the IRS will result in the bank losing the charter it needs to do business in the USA.
‘gave up other opportunities to work for UBS?’
foolhardy.
@13
When warnings have been yelled from every roof-top it still amazes me the choices people make.
Of all the failed banks UBS cares the least about its clients and staff.
I really hope no one signed their apartment lease yet…
@9, if they are working for UBS they probably didn’t have any other options…
Is that $15k going to be paid in a US acct or Swiss acct? Pls advise.
UBS deserves a medal of freedom for its tax “assistance.” Even if tax fraud is bad, so is IRS overreach.
And BHO is still evil.
like a boss…
wow.. wonder if the economists have factored in the oncoming wave of unemployed college seniors? i got to a top 10 school and nearly half my graduating class is unemployed.. can’t imagine the situation is better at other schools.. clusterfuck
Perhaps some smarty pants from this incoming class could start a pool predicting when our favorite Swiss swine will lose their charter.
Take the 15K and every month spend about 1K to buy near ATM UBS puts (no that’s not Ass To Mouth). Who wants to bet they double or triple their money within a year?
I remember thinking a year ago that the arrival in NY of a lot of fresh faced boys and girls in college shirts, unloading Uhauls with enthusiasm, will be a bit tempered, making life a little less annoying for the rest of us. Sounds like this year may be shaping up even better in that regard.
“Um, hello, Jackson Hole Mountain Resort? Yeah, um, do you guys need any dishwashers next season? Um hmm. Do you get a free pass? Um hmm, what about summer employment- know any fishing guides? Um hmm…”
22 I can buy an automatic teller machine and put it up near UBS? How is that going to make me money? Do I get to keep the fees? Is that it? Signed, First Year
“Pretax”? What tax? At UBS that’s $15k, end of story.
@24 – Best idea yet.
I pay my nanny more than that and she doesn’t do much either.
@20,
Top 10 and almost half unemployed? How about elaborating a bit?
I’m guessing you’re in a masters university…which region?
Can anyone tell TGFD a good argument against just throwing UBS out of this country?
Why do we need UBS here since they seem intent on helping americans violate US tax laws? WTF good is UBS to America?
The Guy from Delaware
@26 FTW
S&T should be surprised someone was willing to pay for their worthless asses in the first place. Have fun cold calling for your second tier alumni association for six bucks an hour, bitches.
20 here
exaggerated a bit but its pretty bad. the pre meds, pre laws are fine.. but pretty much all the finance kids who didn’t land summer internships are still looking for FT jobs (and there are a lot of them)..
the hippies are unemployed too but i think that stays the same regardless of the economy.
so many friends are just planning on couch surfing in NY trying to find jobs
top 10 undergrad here.
You couldnt pay me to work at UBS, oh wait, your paying me $15K to not work there, even better.
LOBSTERCLOPS is pleased.
Guests@#26 …
TGFD likes your posts. They should be damn glad they’re getting anything at all.
$15k = $15k more than they deserve.
The Guy from Delaware
@ 32. Hi, what do you do for a living?
@24,
Just follow in the steps of Will MacKenzie . . . if you’re any good at golf, that is.
Guest@#32 should have been included in TGFD’s #36.
The Guy from Delaware
Is it bad that I have incredibly elaborate erotic fantasies about Becky Quick?
I went to Wharton.
Suck on my prestige, bitches!
@41 is Warren.
This will build character….
My entire analyst class was laid off in Sept the year I was hired…
Thats 2 months after moving to NYC (with said uhaul to T&E), signing a 1yr. lease (with july/aug paycheck as deposit/sec), and having 1/2 month of savings and 2 months of severance.
MD’s told me tough luck….when I presented this.
Long story short, it made me one hard-core bastard.
Got back in, promoted to Assoc., VP and MD w/out MBA….at 3 bulge firms; while my white bread college buddies dropped like flies. over the ’94 rate crunch, asian, russian, .com, disasters.
Suck it up kids; you gotta want it to make it.
$15k is for closers.
@41 I LOVE LOVE LOVE when they do the Nebraska remotes when she first pops up during Worldwide Exchange at 4:45am (local time) it looks like shes been punched in both eyes and slapped across the face.
@45 – I would let her do that to me at anytime of the day.
Well hell, this is becoming just like cotton farming.
To bad there’s no porch overlooking the Avenue of the Americas where y’all can just sit, watch, and sip some lemonade.
S&T jobs are for closers
47,
Bryant is perfect for chewing on straw, spitting into the dirt, and wiping the dust from your eyes.
—Urban Tom Joad
RAAAAAAMONE!
@44 – you sell the movie rights to your story yet? Sounds like a Zac Efron role.
@44 This is for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWlS8Oerx8o
OBAMALOBSTER
@ 52 Standing ovation.
Guest@#44…
Does your use of “white bread” to describe your “college buddies (who) dropped like flies” imply that you are not white and that your color played a major part in your “promoted to Assoc., VP and MD w/out MBA” claim?
It certainly sounds that way.
BTW your “white bread” should have read “white-bread”.
The Guy from Delaware
44 what a great story, you sound very hard core and powerful
@44 is exactly right. You have to want it.
@33 — pre-laws are fux0red. A lot of the big firms are “deferring” ’09s till 2010. Come 2010 a lot of them will likely hear “wooopsie, my bad” from the firm’s wideclops. And since the 2009s were supposed to be first years, WTF happens to the 2010 grads?
@44 – EXTREEEEEEME!
@52 nice
Can’t speak for everyone else, but I’m glad #44 made MD. We don’t need another Chinaman going all Virginia Tech on some random civilians.
Too soon?
@33 — pre-laws are fux0red. A lot of the big firms are “deferring” ’09s till 2010. Come 2010 a lot of them will likely hear “wooopsie, my bad” from the firm’s wideclops. And since the 2009s were supposed to be first years, WTF happens to the 2010 grads?
what about wheat bread?
@8 brilliant movie reference.
@52 – wicked good clip.
#44 is right on. Graduating into ’92 job market was a bitch.
UBS isn’t encouraging people to show up late, it’s encouraging >50% of them to find a different job. Hence the disgustingly low stipend.
Bess! How are you?
@67- how are you today mr. literal?
@44
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qae_TUTeGo
i work w/ a bunch of aholes
@62,
after that the pre-meds are screwed, albeit to a lesser extent.
What do you think pay will be like for these cats in 8+ years when they finish their residencies?
@64 – Thanks.
Remind me again, why do people want to be doctors?
@61- Yes. We’re just getting to where Sean Taylor jokes are ok in some situations.
@74 So they can have Obama decide for them who deserves to get cancer treatment and who doesnt. So some DMV style buracracy can determine if you kid is valuable to get a liver transplant.
So A-rod can make 300 million for hitting a ball with a bat while docs who save lives get regulated by the govt like a charity organization.
Who said anyone wanted to be a doc anymore…Obama is making sure at least no one qualified does.
At first I thought TGFD was being kinda douchey, but then 44 spoke up…
@44 – do you like the smell of your own farts?
@76 – cool, you read PJ O’Rourke. Is it difficult to regurgitate his sentences on these boards?
@77, who doesn’t?!?
-not @TGFD
@61 piece of sh*t. Unless you have a relevant or intelligent comment to post, shut your f*cking mouth and get off this board.
Actually I dont know who that is. My father is an MD and this is just how I feel about the situation.
I also feel you should go fuck your mom but we can discuss that later.
@78 my comment @81 is for you. Sorry, I forgot to direct it at ya.
-76,81
@80 – I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
@83 If you honestly think joking about the VT shooting is funny then this obviously isn’t worth my time or anyone else’s time reading. Go ahead and be a d*ck and continue comments – they’re pretty much expected.
He said China”man” hahahahahahah
#44: are you ready to bite off a bear’s ass every morning?
The M&A Analyst Class of 2009 is still on. Training will start in mid September.
that’s what S&T said yesterday
Dear #80,
I think my comment was quite relevant and demonstrated a fairly high level of intelligence. Given #44 is pissed off at the world, harbors a resentment for white people, works in finance, and appears to take solace solely in the fact that one made MD I think it was a fairly astute observation that #44 is a Chinamen. Few other minority groups find as much self-validation in their work title as Chinamen. From that, I think it follows quite clearly that we should all be thankful 44 made MD, less we have a bunch of dead Wasps on our hands. Who else has the necessary buying power to get our country through this recession? I’m just thinking about what is best for our country here in these most perilous of times.
Also, I don’t eat shit for breakfast.
Hugs and Kisses,
#61
Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature.
@90 FTW
UBS always brings out the worst in people
@90 listen to to 91.
the PC term is American Chinamen or woman.
The Other Swiss Bank offered a much more generous deferral – and it was an option, not mandatory.
Guest@#90/#61…
TGFD thinks that #44 is a black male because of his use of the “white bread” pejorative to describe his “college buddies” who “dropped like flies” while he got promoted, or so he claims.
Many blacks have chips on their shoulders, and #44 probably considers himself to be in the new, black “overclass” as well. His hostility may also stem from his self-proclaimed success in a traditional “white-bread” bastion.
In TGFD’s personal opinion, #44 should give some credit to the Affirmative Action program for his “Suck it up kids; you gotta want it to make it” attitude.
I do believe that your selection of Chinaman showed logic and intellect; however, TGFD respectfully disagrees with you.
The Guy from Delaware
Chinaman? This isn’t nam dude, there are rules
Nam? Maybe you mean Korea
@44 UBS-MD here:
If you ladies join UBS[1], if you survive analyst training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying to keep your jobs, look over your shoulder, and mistreat others. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, spics, kikes, dago grease balls, Micks, Pollacks, dykes, faggots, or chinks. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved UBS. Do you maggots understand that?
[1] Sorry, you didn’t make it
TGFD we’re talking about UBS here. You’re way off base, as usual.
UBS-MD@#99…
UBS is about as worthless as you are. Hopefully, Uncle Sam will force UBS out of the country, and then you’ll end-up with those “fallen flies” of yours.
BTW, we were trying to smoke you out, so thanks for serving-up your explanation.
The Guy from Delaware
@TGFD,
I disagree, I really don’t think #44 could be black. To be quite honest, I just don’t think black males harbor the type of resentment you describe. Or rather, black males who progress on Wall St don’t. Recent elections aside, being black in this country isn’t easy, and you have to find a constructive way to deal with the institutional racism in our country. Being all full of piss and vinegar like 44 shows when you are black, and this scares white people who might be in charge of your promotion. I really don’t think you’d find a black Managing Director in finance speaking like 44; with that attitude they’d simply never get ahead.
The way in which Chinamen experience racism is far different. Instead of being stereotyped as benefactors of affirmative action who can dribble one hell of a basketball, Chinamen are stereotyped as excel powerhouses who only feel comfortable in their own bodies when they are given an inhumane workload. So in the Chinamen’s head the only way he sees promotion as feasible is if he can work his ass off to the point of death. Meanwhile, McDermot and Van Patten have the appearance of getting ahead for social reasons since they leave the office at 7 everyday to go smoke cigars and drink scotch. Thus, the hatred for wasps.
With that said, I must now leave the office to go smoke cigars and drink scotch with my superiors.
Warm regards,
#61
Full disclosure [not a wasp, i'm a member of the tribe]
Dear #80,
I think my comment was quite relevant and demonstrated a fairly high level of intelligence. Given #44 is pissed off at the world, harbors a resentment for white people, works in finance, and appears to take solace solely in the fact that one made MD I think it was a fairly astute observation that #44 is a Chinamen. Few other minority groups find as much self-validation in their work title as Chinamen. From that, I think it follows quite clearly that we should all be thankful 44 made MD, less we have a bunch of dead Wasps on our hands. Who else has the necessary buying power to get our country through this recession? I’m just thinking about what is best for our country here in these most perilous of times.
Also, I don’t eat shit for breakfast.
Hugs and Kisses,
#61
@TGFD
UBS-MD here:
I’m going for a smoke and a drink, too. Enjoy yourself in sunny delaware tonight
l8r
-dear UBS MD
-JPM MD here. Also Indian/brown, not white. You are no MD. Also – UBS is not now and never was really a place to feel good about making MD. So double fault.
-dear UBS MD
-JPM MD here. Also Indian/brown, not white. You are no MD. Also – UBS is not now and never was really a place to feel good about making MD. So double fault.
posted twice just to make sure you got the doubel fault point.
ME CHINESE
ME PLAY JOKE
ME PUT PEEPEE IN YOUR COKE!
Top 10 undergrad with 50% placement? Thank god for the big 10 and the 100k+ job going to a party school gave to me.
Ivy league minus the athletes are spoiled brats who fall apart when the times get tough. Enjoy unemployment!
Fuck, I knew a shit stain like you would rear its ugly little head at some point. Good for you @105 we’re all so impressed.
turd
@104-@106 Gunga Din, you are so fucking out of your league here so don’t even start. I suggest you go find a cow to worship or failing that, I recommend some light IT support duties.
- they multiply like fucking roaches.
@ 110 – LOL. I know a lot of cool Indian people but 104-106 ain’t one of them. Not to mention FAKE too – there are barely a handful of Indian MDs in JPM US and he’d be practically outing himself.
Does anyone agree with me that it is soooooooooo fuckin creepy that TGFD refers to himself in the third person?!?
Lock that mofo up before he shoots someone or god forbid he says something on point and witty.
Just Sayin…..
@99 – bonus points for the Full Metal Jacket quote from DI Hartman. However, when even the head of Insurance I-banking at UBS can find work at a shop other than at UBS in this market and you are still there, tells me that you are not an MD at UBS or have just become the most inept MD at UBS now that Alejandro is gone.
@104-106 – being an MD in IT at JPM doesn’t make you an I-banker in the same way that working the boom mike during a porn shoot doesn’t make you a porn star.
- Fixed Income
@107…. comment of the year nomination
113@Fixed
UBS-MD here:
You got me on both counts. watching TGFD foam and froth at the mouth was sure worth the deception! I laughed all night.
- not the tool @44
i think you will find that:
@44 = @104,@105,@106
it’s just too bloody obvious. kind of like a serial killer that hangs around the scene of one his crimes to watch people puzzle over the carnage.
To the other Md’s at JPMC I seriously suggest you watch your backs … this one has it in for you.
@90 your analysis was almost right but it just happened to be from a different place in Asia.
@111 see @116
i guess this guy just outed himself. maybe some questions need to be asked come Monday.
@61 – Maybe you’ll get promoted next time instead of your Asian counterpart or not get laid off before them, but keep your racial jealousy to a minimum, hmmm?
Also, UBSuck-it. No one has been able to make this bank work and it’s a fool who tries. I want to know how many of the incoming class asked whether there’d be spots for them and if UBS said of course there will.
to all who profess to be an MD,
i highly doubt you are anything you say. thanks to anonymity of the interweb you can be whoever you want. for the purpose of this comment I’ll be Ron Jeremy.
if you were an MD at a wall street firm you should be far too busy doing … work, and (if you’re anything like the MD’s I know) too inept to even open a web browser. much less read through hundreds of comments and post a mostly meaningless side note defending yourself or your failing institution(failed? Citi, BAC, UBS, any other firm on life support from the fed).
hugs and kiss my ass,
RJ
hahahaha. on 1250 a month, i’m sure you’ll find ‘em vlogging or blogging. at that age, they’ll have at least 18 jobs in their lifetime. or maybe they’ll end up here: http://www.iget2work.com/quilt/default.aspx
the unemployed video quilt. they’ll get their ‘whine’ on. ya think?