• 07 May 2009 at 2:36 PM

We Can Do This The Easy Way Or The Hard Way: Which Banks Are Willing To Work Hard For The Money?

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Picture 1314.pngGiven that I’m bored as all fuck here, I have a little proposal to pass the time. Ahead of the release of the official stress test results at 5PM today, I want us all to sit down and come up with a working list of CEOs who we think would agree to the following proposal by the US government. In exchange for the scratch they supposedly need, no strings attached, who, on live TV, with Charlie Gasparino as an announcer, would submit to A2M by Tim “Ole 3 Legs” Geithner? Vikram– given. Lewis, if we get him sufficiently sauced up, will do just about anything, capital or not. But what about John Mack? He’s probably got principles. Or does he? And Wells Fargo chief John Stumpf? No way no how or sign him up? And how would the Blessing o’ Buffett factor into the decision? On the one hand, the Oracle could just write WFC a check, sparing Stumpf the humiliation. On the other, this is the type of shit he hasn’t seen since his days in the whorehouse, and would likely put a smile on his face. So that’s something to think about. Anyway. Here’s a list of candidates to get you started:

The following are the banks directed to raise capital:
* Bank of America Corp. $34 billion
* Wells Fargo & Co. $13 billion to 15 billion
* GMAC LLC $11.5 billion
* Citigroup Inc. $5 billion
* Morgan Stanley $1.5 billion
* Regions Financial Corp. unknown
* State Street Corp. unknown
* Fifth Third Bancorp unknown
* KeyCorp unknown
* PNC Financial Services unknown
* SunTrust Banks Inc. unknown


Stress Tests Show Banks Need To Raise Capital [Dow Jones]

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Comments (22)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 2:43 PM

    Poor Vick… it’s so true.

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 2:43 PM

    Hi Angelo, this is Ken, I’ve got a special assignment for you.

  3. 3
    Posted by SgtJack | May 7, 2009 at 2:50 PM

    Did I just read ‘A2M’ at work? Rally over.

  4. 4
    Posted by er666 | May 7, 2009 at 2:51 PM

    of course Lewis would do it.

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 2:52 PM

    What is A2M?
    - Lobsterclops

  6. 6
    Posted by er666 | May 7, 2009 at 2:53 PM

    which down on their luck hedge fund managers would do this?

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 2:57 PM

    too wrong to read.

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 2:57 PM

    Timmy and his boss make me want to:
    http://www.noob.us/humor/puke-in-my-mouth/

  9. 9
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 3:12 PM

    GEITHNERCLOPS!

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 3:13 PM

    CreditSights projections for future bank losses from Mortgage-related products:
    * Bank of America Corp. $99 billion
    * Wells Fargo & Co. $119 billion
    * Citigroup Inc. $101 billion
    * Morgan Stanley $34 billion
    * JPMorgan Chase & Co. $124 billion
    * Goldman Sachs Group Inc. $47 billion
    TGFD believes there is a huge disconnect here. Stress tests are designed only to give the public some confidence in the system.
    Bank losses have not gone away. They’ve just been hidden from view by the change in accounting rules back in March.
    The Guy from Delaware

  11. 11
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 3:15 PM

    Thank you Bess, that’s why i read db

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 3:16 PM

    TGFD, those numbers are absurd for at least one bank on that list. Their holdings, even if written down to zero, would not come close to crating that hole.
    Ofcourse, if unemployment went to 25%, and house prices were down another 50% from here, sure, very possible.
    And no, this bank does not care about accounting rule changes, the effect on their numbers was a round-off.

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 3:17 PM

    @TGFD Move along, move along, nothing to see here, move along…

  14. 14
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 3:18 PM

    A2M is disgusting. It also implies that the Banks have a subservient role to the Treasury. According to Obama, the Treasury is not dictating bank policy, but is trying to maintain a cooperative role to improve bank capital levels.
    I think a “2 Bankers 1 Cup” action with Timmy is more appropriate.

  15. 15
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 3:29 PM

    Guest@#12…
    CreditSights assumed a 10% unemployment rate and their own forcast for future credit losses over the next 2 years.
    Why then did Citi book a 1Q 2009 profit of only $1.6 Billion when their artifical gains related to accounting rules totalled $4.4 Billion? WTF happened to the other $2.8 Billion of gains that hid real losses?
    Which bank might you be calling “this bank”?
    The Guy from Delaware

  16. 16
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 3:33 PM

    15 TGFD: whats with this WTF? We’re gonna have to wash your mouth out with soap if you keep that up.

  17. 17
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 3:48 PM

    Bessie– IM me 2 trade naked pix

  18. 18
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 3:56 PM

    tgfd
    Not Citi.

  19. 19
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 4:01 PM

    “Obama slashes anti-union corruption budget at DoL”
    http://michellemalkin.com/2009/05/07/obama-slashes-anti-union-corruption-budget-at-dol/

  20. 20
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 4:02 PM

    Whatd he do dat for

  21. 21
    Posted by guest | May 7, 2009 at 5:04 PM

    I am a fat, white trash slob who knows absolutely nothing about finance and constantly spouts moronic populist rhetoric
    The Guy From Delaware

  22. 22
    Posted by guest | May 8, 2009 at 4:31 AM

    @ 14 – awesome
    2B1C – drink up biatches…

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