June 2009

  • News

    Do Not Dare To Suggest Dennis Kneale Is An Idiot

    Like Greg (and the universe) did yesterday, after DK’s proclamation that “the recession is over.” Unless you’re in the market for the business end of one of Kneale’s trademark screechy ass hissy fits, in which case, proceed.

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 10:00 PM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 06.30.09

    $$$ Morgan Stanley and MUFG in joint push [FT] $$$ Allen Stanford shockingly seen as flight risk [BBC] $$$ Stern “Wack Packer” Nabbed In Madoff Taping [TSG via Cityfile] $$$ “In the rest of that interview with the AP, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford mentioned that he had ‘dalliances’ with six other women, but ‘didn’t […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 5:56 PM
  • News

    SEC Throwing Wrench In Citi’s Plan To Name The Fonz A Director

    This– the Securities and Exchange Commission’s plan to show us it means business by robbing our nation’s banks of the right to appoint actors and sports stars to their boards–is a bunch of bull shit. And I’ll have you know The Juice has more business acumen in his pinkie than every Bank of America director […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 5:10 PM
  • News

    Brokers Swindle Senior Citizens With Free Blue-Plate Specials

    Having likely dispensed the advice for years to their children and grandchildren, a group of senior citizens learned firsthand that there is no such thing as a free lunch. The SEC is accusing New York-based Prime Capital Services of luring in the silver hair set with offers of free lunches and then selling them “highly […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 4:35 PM
  • News

    So You Say You Want To Be Melissa Francis’s Pool Boy?

    Melissa Francis recently put it out there that she’d love to land a hot, dumb, young male co-host. Basically, a “pool boy,” she said. Many of you expressed interest in the gig, so we asked Mel to give us a little more info re: what the job would entail. Here’s what she told us: * […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 4:10 PM
  • News

    New Financial Products Regulator To Provide Amusing Threat

    The wheels of forthcoming regulation have started to turn as the Obama administration sent its proposal for a consumer protection agency focused on financial products to Congress today. Among other things. the new agency will have the power to restrict or prohibit “unfair and deceptive practices”. If the current generation of regulatory all-stars couldn’t stop […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 3:28 PM
  • News

    Spotted: Mark Madoff Being A Dick On Nantucket

    A reader informs us he had the pleasure of running into one half of the spawn of Ponzi Nation just now. Apparently Mark Madoff cut our tipster’s girlfriend in line at local sandwich shop Something Natural, was rude to the staff, placed his order without putting down his Blackberry and claimed he was “in hurry.” […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 3:15 PM
  • News

    Lisa Falcone Explains Dressing Like A School Girl Of Perceived Loose Morals

    This is just a bit of housekeeping but in response to Fixed Income’s query as to why Phil Falcone’s wife was dressed, in FI’s words, in a “slutty school girl outfit with heels and socks” at the opening of the High Line* a couple weeks back, the Harbinger founder’s wife had this to say, via […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 2:20 PM
  • News

    China’s Real Currency Concern

    As China searches for an alternative to the dollar, it has another more immediate threat to its own currency. The growth of the online gaming industry has reached the point where virtual currencies are regularly being converted into cash and, in some cases, used to purchase goods directly. Not amused that people place more value […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 2:00 PM
  • News

    Getting To Know Your Madoff Victims

    Some of the stories yesterday we heard from Madoff’s victims were downright heartbreaking. They made us feel sad and want to shake our fists at that stupid brute! They also helped us feel pretty okay about asking you people to come up with the various ways in which inmates might welcome Bernie to the neighborhood, […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 1:54 PM
  • News

    Giving You The Tools Necessary To Get Back In The Saddle

    People, even if we weren’t in the throes of a slow as hell news day, even if I hadn’t checked out for the holiday weekend yesterday, even if I didn’t derive immeasurable personal pleasure from fucking with you, I’d still recommend this product. It’s the Executive Rodeo Chair, it’s the Hawaii Chair on roids, and […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 1:13 PM
  • News

    Joe Nocera Would Appreciate It If Madoff Victims Quit Their Bitching

    What he actually wrote was that they should “get over it,” though obviously the columnist went through a few drafts of the message that included “lick my balls” until his editor deemed the last “fit to print.” Anyway, yes, JoeNo has heard there are a bunch of people running around the city demanding the SEC […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 12:27 PM
  • News

    States Start The Two-Minute Drill For Passing Budgets

    The clock is ticking for ten states who have yet to pass their fiscal budgets by a midnight deadline tonight. While the federal government has the luxury of printing its way through temporary fiscal messes and creating a greater one down the road, states have to do it using more conventional methods (with some notable […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 12:02 PM
  • News

    Bernie Madoff’s New Ponzi Scheme: HJs

    The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c 150 Years of Solitude www.thedailyshow.com Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Jason Jones in Iran He’s gotta make a supplemental income somehow and you’ve gotta hand* it to the guy, he’s an investing genius. *You like that? What I did just there?

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 11:30 AM
  • News

    Who Wants Some Ponzi-Tainted Art?

    The Journal reports that Andrew Cuomo is selling pieces owned by Ezra Merkin, with proceeds going toward repaying the investors he screwed due to the Madoff association. Several Rothko paintings and Giacometti sculptures will apparently yield about $191 million, thanks to an anonymous buyer with whom Cuomo brokered a deal. It’s unclear if there are […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 11:15 AM
  • News

    Bernie’s Life Behind Bars Doesn’t Sound Like It’ll Be That Bad

    Unless he gets the whole solitary confinement thing, which he probably won’t, though it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world considering he’s been looking for some quiet time for the last decade or so. According to prison expert Kirby Behre it’s probably just going to be a lot of monotony, which will be […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 10:59 AM
  • News

    It’s Quiet. Too Quiet.

    As you’re aware, today is AIG’s annual shareholder meeting. It’s being held at the 72 Wall Street building, adjacent to the insurer’s 70 Pine Street headquarters and as of just past ten, we’re told there’s been nary a peep or sighting of protesters in the area. The only people camped outside are reporters, looking lost. […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 10:19 AM
  • News

    Madoff Victims Called Out

    With the flood of tales of heartbreak and financial ruin from King Ponz still coming in, less than 24 hours after Bernie learned what sentence he will be appealing, someone stepped up to the plate and called the Madoff victims “greedy”. In a Squawk Box Europe interview, Hugh Hendry, chief investment officer at Eclectica, fought […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 9:48 AM
  • News

    Melissa Francis Is Looking For A ‘Pool Boy’ Type

    Melissa Francis has put the call out (13:30) that she wants a young, hot, not so smart co-host. A “pool boy,” basically. Sort of unclear to us is why current gal-pal Larry Kudlow doesn’t fit this description, or why Mel couldn’t dip into the veritable treasure trove of pool boys at CNBC, such as Mark […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 9:20 AM
  • Opening Bell

    Opening Bell: 06.30.09

    Dimon Still Polishing JPMorgan Pay Packages (NYP) 1. Nothing to write home about here– same raising of base pay everyone else is doing. 2. Bless the headline writers at the Post. Someone came to work today. 10 more could be charged in Madoff scam (AP) No names specified but surely you can come up with […]

    / Jun 30, 2009 at 7:45 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 06.29.09

    $$$ Should a Victim’s Tale of Woe Move a Judge? Like In The Case Of You Know Who? [WSJ] $$$ Allen Stanford will spend at least one more night in jail [Houston Chronicle] $$$ Madoff Mailbag: Letters have started to arrive at Madoff Investors essentially offering the net capital ($ in less $ out) up […]

    / Jun 29, 2009 at 6:03 PM
  • News

    Dennis Kneale Has No Idea What Maria Bartiromo Is Talking About

    Maria Bartiromo may not be buying into the green shoots theory, but fellow oracle Dennis Kneale is- and jumping in with both feet. In addition to cherry picking a few pieces of optimistic data, Professor Kneale is fired up that the economic super-variable known as ‘how we feel’ is on the rise. Consequently, DK proclaims […]

    / Jun 29, 2009 at 5:45 PM
  • News

    Laettner Trying To Beat the Clock Again

    While not quite as staggering as the NFL’s 78% bankruptcy rate among ex-players within two years of retirement, Christian Laettner is trying to avoid meeting the NBA benchmark of 60% of ex-players winding up penniless within 5 years of retirement. Laettner, who retired after the 2004-5 season, went into business with former Duke teammate Brian […]

    / Jun 29, 2009 at 4:45 PM
  • News

    House Oversight Committe Requests The Honor Of Hank Paulson’s Presence

    To talk Bank of America, Bernanke, and Boone’s, on July 16. Interesting–in a mafia way– that CNBC’s Hampton Pearson noted the government had “struck a deal” with Paulson, since we are discussing the possibility that Bald and Beard told Lewis he’d sleep with the fishes if things didn’t get done their way. Despite the fact […]

    / Jun 29, 2009 at 4:37 PM
  • News

    Think Outside The Box

    Re: will Bernie be made Bubba’s bitch, we personally believe Ponzi Boy will get in to the heads of the biggest guys on the block, break them down mentally and emotionally, and ultimately be seen as the inmate you don’t wanna fuck with. The Journal spoke with prison expert Alan Ellis earlier, who thinks that […]

    / Jun 29, 2009 at 4:30 PM
  • News

    150 Years: Really So Bad That He Wouldn’t Have Done It All Over Again?

    Bernie didn’t get the 12 years he was hoping for, instead going downtown for 150. Effectively a life sentence, though spawns of satan tend to live longer than the rest of us so no promises he won’t get out in 2159 and live the greatest 3-5 years of his life. We don’t yet know where […]

    / Jun 29, 2009 at 3:49 PM
  • News

    Bernie Madoff’s Latest Victim

    Bernie Madoff has hurt a lot of people. He’s supposedly upset and apologetic over the pain he’s caused but let’s get real for two secs: he doesn’t give rat’s ass. He doesn’t know these people, he doesn’t care about them, he cannot stand Footlose and above all, buddy boy’s motto is “lookin’ out for number […]

    / Jun 29, 2009 at 2:47 PM
  • News

    Dick Bove Is On Fire

    Having had the benefit of the weekend to reflect on his downgrade of Goldman’s earnings on Friday, Dicky B took an axe to his forecast for the House of Dimon’s 2009 earnings from $1.61/share to $1.23. So the message is C and BAC good; GS and JPM bad.

    / Jun 29, 2009 at 2:45 PM

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