Former Bear Stearns CEO Alan Schwartz has resurfaced after what has surely been a fun-filled year or so. After watching 383 Madison fall to the House of Dimon across the street, attending congressional roastings, and taking on a leading role in the books House of Cards and Street Fighters, surely the king of the former Bear empire was going to come out of this rejuvenated and ready to prove that it was Jimmy Cayne’s fault after all. Mr. Schwartz’s new destination is, in the words of the Wall St. Journal, “little known Guggenheim Capital Partners LLC”. Ok- the Journal isn’t too big on Guggenheim. Who cares? Alan Schwartz is surely fired up and ready to go. After non-stop viewing of Miracle and every Rocky movie, he must be as amped as a rodeo bull ready to burst out of the corral. He has probably rehearsed his own Braveheart-inspired war cry for his return thousands of times. So what exactly did the man himself tell the Journal about his return to silence his critics and fire up the troops, “Fate has dealt me an opportunity to start from scratch”. Forget ‘they may take our lives but they’ll never take out freedom’, ‘fate has dealt me an opportunity to start from scratch’ will go down as one of the defining motivational quotes of our time.
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Alan Schwartz drinks Red Bull with his cereal and has jager bombs for lunch.
May the Schwartz be with you
Shawn Michaels would kick your ass if he knew his little brother would grow up to become such a bitch
I hear Cayne is hungry to get back into action as well–or it could just be the munchies.
OK….so we know the “A” on FAO Schwartz is “Alan”, but what names do the “F” and “O” refer to? I asked the quants but even they didn’t know.
~Howard M. Burgers
Shake Shack Capital Mgmt, LLC.
haha at 5
Greg, I’m pulling for you to work this thing out. It’s tough being the new guy, especially in this pack of animals.
But overwriting like this just hangs like a stale fart in an elevator:
“Forget ‘they may take our lives but they’ll never take out freedom’, ‘fate has dealt me an opportunity to start from scratch’ will go down as one of the defining motivational quotes of our time.”
Until that line, you really were much improved from your earlier posts. I honestly thought Bess had posted this until I got to the end.
You’re amping up the snark and the sarcasm- both steps in the right direction. Next time, stop yourself just short of spoon-feeding the joke to us like we’re 6 years old. There’s about a hundred different ways to re-write that last line and make it smell less like yesterday’s tuna melt: step one is taking out the painfully obvious, “will go down as one of the defining motivational quotes of our time.”
I’m only here to help, kiddo.
-Ewp
I had a feeling he would join a boutique.
learn to use paragraphs GM, you are hurting my eyes. I do not like it when my eyes hurt.
Guggenheim Capital has over $100bn in assets – firm wide. They fly low on the press radar but I’ve never heard anyone on the street call them ‘little known’.
Their Broker Dealer is strong in the ABS market.
They were involved in advising Dune Capital on the IndyMac deal and their ABS fund manager run by Scott Minard is consistantly asked to appear on CNBC/Bloomberg/Fox Biz News.
@10 Welcome to DB, Alan!
@11 stay as sweet as you are right now.
Greg, you could’ve done without all the Braveheart and Rocky references and been just fine.
Greg, you could’ve done without showing up to work today and been just fine.
Greg,
The reason rodeo bulls are amped to burst out of the corral is because their nuts are getting squeezed. That’s probably not image of our hero you intended, but it’s certainly a funny one
“‘Tis a far far better thing I do than I have ever done before; tis a far far bigger ass I’ll kick than I have ever kicked before,” was in the first draft. Unfortunately, we discover that Fraser Crane used that during an episode of Cheers.
– AS’ ghostwriter.
“Fate has dealt me the opportunity to start from scratch (plus a ton of money from my now failed former firm).”
Fixed it for ya, Alan.
“Fate has dealt me the opportunity to start from scratch (plus a ton of money from my failed former firm).”
Fixed it for ya, Alan.