Turn it off. Kidding, though that’d probably work. Barry Ritholtz was recently asked what he’d do to fix “financial television.” As there seems to be one network in particular need of help, he’s addressed what the good people over in Englewood Cliffs can do to make themselves more watchable. A few pointers from BR:
1. Stop Yelling. Stop interrupting. Stop Talking Over Each Other: This is not Jerry Springer, its serious business. People’s retirement and investments are at stake. Please treat it that way.
5. Lose the Octobox. Fire whoever came up with the Decabox. ‘Nuff said.
7. Fact Check: An awful lot of things on air get stated with authority and confidence. Much of them are little more than junk or pop myths. Why is it that the more dubious a proposition is, the greater the confidence the speaker seems to muster? Consider fact checking as much of the statements that are made on air as possible, and making frequent corrections.
14. Stop the Bull/Bear Debate: This is a vast over-simplification of the market, and often does not serve the audience well. There are nuances and variables that get lost when you reduce everything to black and white.
15. Partisanship: Leave your personal politics at home. Viewers don’t care what most of you think.
We’re definitely in agreement with all of the above, though obviously the suggestions might be a tough sell, as they’re pretty much telling CNBC to not be “so CNBC.” Like point one– would you know it was CNBC if people weren’t yelling at each other, cutting each other off, or speaking in a pitch only dogs can hear? This is who they are, and if you were to ask network execs/talking heads, what do you think is your best attribute, they’d probably say, “our top notch ability to interrupt each other/our guests.” The biggest problem here is that CNBC actually thinks its viewers enjoy this shit, and are somehow fooled into believing it’s financial drama, which is why the the Call of the Wild segment was created.
But perhaps they’ll heed the call? If so, we’ve got a few suggestions of our own: drop the Breaking News banner quota, which, conservatively, I’m guessing is set at about ten per hour. Use it when something actually is, you know, Breaking News. You’re at the point where it doesn’t mean anything anymore and it might as well read “SOS,” or, to be more explicit, “Things That Are In No Way Breaking.” You’re not fooling anyone, and you’re dangerously risking someone (us) going circus freak crazy on your asses next time it flashes without any accompanying Breaking News. If you’re having difficulty figuring out what is breaking and what isn’t, here’s a quick guide.
Did Bernie Madoff break out of prison? That’s Breaking News. Is Citi in the toilet? Not Breaking News! (Sometimes you actually run “Breaking News” along the lines of: “Citi’s Reputation Not What It Used To Be.”) Was Ken Lewis just charged with another DUI? Breaking News! Did the Dow close today (not even up or down, just close), like it does every day? Not Breaking News! Other tips: Dennis Kneale is only allowed to speak if he does so without being a schmuck, CEO jello-wrestling and knowing your strengths and weaknesses. Be serious– with some exceptions, is brilliant financial analysis your forte? No. On the other hand, do you have a guy on staff who can take everyone’s weight-training routine to the next level? Hell fuck to the yeah you do. Finally: never get rid of Haines.
Got any suggestions of your own? Please share them at this time.
Erin Burnett topless segments, like those female newscasters in Italy. If the market has an up-day, bottomless segments at the closing bell — gives viewers more of a rooting interest, like the free corndog promotions if a basketball team scores 100 points.
If the Fed cuts rates, Erin and Margaret Brennan have to French kiss.
bloomberg always does it better
ditch morning call for Dylan Ratigan and Richard Simmons doing an AM workout before the opening bell
Dennis Kneale is definitely a bottom.
Every sweeps allow the viewers to vote a personality off the show.
Euthanize Maria & Cramer.
Powerlunch becomes a one hour segment with no dialogue…only video of Michele Cabruso Carrera rubbing baby oil all over Trish Regan’s tits.
Maria to stop yelling at me. Oh, and lose 15 pounds.
More segments like this…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKgKZfhKrgU
@3 Richard Simmons doing the morning call workout would be awesome.
-Barney Frank
Maria to stop yelling at me. Oh, and lose 15 pounds.
Fire Cramer, replace him with re-runs of I Love Lucy and you won’t lose a single viewer in that time slot.
@2 Carol Massar is underrated
TOM: I can’t believe that. They fooled *me* Jerry.
GEORGE: Uh, excuse me. (stopping them from rehearsing) Excuse me. (he walks to the guy’s in charge of yelling: “take #!”)
This–This is not right. May I? (the guy looks at George with a bothered face. George then walks up to Tom and takes him away from Jerry and Michael to talk to him in private)
(to Tom) You see, you’re going: “They fooled *me* Jerry!” (George shakes his head with disapproval) You wanna hit ‘fooled’ more: “They *fooled* me Jerry!”. You see the difference?
TOM: I’m not gonna say it like that.
They didn’t happen to mention anything about killing Steve Liesman did they?
Give Gasparino an hour slot from 8-9am.
Bess, you have been on fire today. This post and the Erin Burnett post were both great.
@15 – and then follow that up with an hour slot of Lenny Dykstra’s “Nailing the Market: How to increase your cash conversion cycle by not paying the lease on your private jet and other personal finance tips”
I would wish Mark Haines a happy retirement…not sure what he brings to the table every morning.
@16 Give up. You won’t get her phone number this way. You need to storm the castle with a bit more than a nerf gun and water pistol.
@18,
He usually brings a meat salad. Or a box of fucking Oreos.
@17…check your CCC definition.
@21 – a lease on an aircraft is a payable, no?
In other words, be more like Bloomberg.
get hotter chicks
@6 – wouldn’t it work better the other way around, given MCC’s distinct advantage in the babypillow department??
Mo’ wideclops, mo’ charts, mo’ commodities (wif peeps dat know commodities), mo’ global markets
Fire peeps dat innerupt Rogers
De-compensate (aka fire) decision-makers allowing peeps talking their books (pimko)
Rotoscope Cramer to make him look suitably cartoony – so you know, like, “Uh, dis dude is a cartoon, so I will discount his statements.”
2nd @26
Use Cramer’s noise machine to STFU people blatantly talking their book (2nd Bill Gross).
Also, Bill Gross can only come on if he re-grows the mustache.
2nd @26
Use Cramer’s noise machine to STFU people blatantly talking their book (2nd Bill Gross).
Also, Bill Gross can only come on if he re-grows the mustache.
@6…I think you meant Trish Reagan rubbing the baby oil over Caruso-Cabrera
I am the winner of 3 stock market contests. Who is Dennis Kneal?
@ 25 & 29, nope…I meant it that way. But hell…any two, passable looking ladies oiling down each others fun bags would work for me.
becky – erin
margaret – melissa f.
karen finermann – silvia wadwa (sorry for that one…)
1. Replace Dennis Kneale with Dave Attell
2. Let Sue Herrara do anything not related to business or finance on Lifetime or Oxygen.
3. Force Bob Doll to, at least once, disagree with a fellow commentator’s point
Get Macke to ride a Segway across the set while wearing only a banana hammock and a giant, foam cowboy hat.
Let Steve Liesman have an hour in the AM so he can expalain how great the Fed is, and what a good job they’re doing.
@32 Doll wouldn’t agree if the string in his back broke. What an appropriate name/image.
Liesman on tv right now about to ejaculate as he gushes on and on about the Fed.
fuck 2x post, i suck.
Also, yes, it’d have to be trish rubbing the baby oil on Michelle’s er wow have to stop before this gets out of hand…
They should keep the decabox and even expand it to 20 or 30 frames. Make a device such that the louder a talking head screams their opinion the larger their frame gets and the smaller everyone elses’ gets.
38 followed by “they’re coming to take me away ha ha, they’re coming to take me away…”
Replace Cramer with Charles Barkley.
have Dennis Kneal only appear in a gimp outfit and allow guests the option of removing and then replacing the gagball
Allow studio guests to slap Dennis Kneale and/or Charlie Gasparino in the face whenever they say anything stupid….
I really liked point #9: bring back the Louis Rukeyser style. It’s been all down hill since he lost his fastball about ten years ago.
33,
All that’s missing is the banana hammock:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xp9Gm-aRe5A
http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2009/06/dealbreaker-charlie-gasparino-me/
Bess = shit-stirrer!
And Barry hit a hole-in-one there. It could be none other than the guy with the key to Bess’s heart, CG.
@45- “It could be none other than the guy with the key to Bess’s heart, CG.”
she routinely gets him to say the absolute most ridiculous stuff, which makes for great posts on DB. methinks it’s the other way around.
levin you dirty little bitch you!
@45
Don’t say this guy has the key to Bess’s heart. It’s quite funny how they are using each other. But the joke is on Charlie.
CNBC == QVC for day traders.
@38
Yes
And
Have Gasbag and Gabelli bare knuckle box for the title of Guido Numero Uno
Bring back Mike Hegedus.
Reshape it more in the fashion of a Mexican TV game show… a fat, chauvinistic male host (Mark Haines in a Hawaiian shirt) surrounded by a bunch of women in bikinis (satisfying #6′s wants). Not sure it would be any more useless than CNBC in its current form….
It’s not financial drama. It’s boring. I can’t watch for more than 30 seconds at a time. Does anyone? CNBC could out-Bloomberg Bloomberg (which I can watch for more than 30 seconds) and go all PBS’y.
It’s not financial drama. It’s boring. I can’t watch for more than 30 seconds at a time. Does anyone? CNBC could out-Bloomberg Bloomberg (which I can watch for more than 30 seconds) and go all PBS’y.
It’s not financial drama. It’s boring. I can’t watch for more than 30 seconds at a time. Does anyone? CNBC could out-Bloomberg Bloomberg (which I can watch for more than 30 seconds) and go all PBS’y.
I rather like much of the broadcast, except the yelling, and the political strategists. Both sides are a waste of time, but my mute button works well.
Why get rid of Haines? He’s one of the few sane ones, also one of the few who actually lets a guest answer his questions.
The guy who has got to go is the insane “Larry” (Cudlow). Think of how many times he crudely cut off the wisdom of the best guest CNBC ever had — the late and lamented William Seidman, the savant of the S & L crisis.
Seidman kept trying to tell us how the S & L success might inform a very expeditious and inexpensive solution of the current banking debacle. But Larry didn’t want to hear such advices — so all we ever got from the Cudlow-embattled Seidman was cut-off half-sentences.
Such a waste. And now Seidman is gone.
Why get rid of Haines? He’s one of the few calm and sane ones, also one of the few who actually wants to hear a guest answer a question.
The guy who has got to go is the insane “Larry” (Cudlow). Think of how many times he crudely cut off the wisdom of the best guest CNBC ever had — the late, lamented and highly-respected William Seidman, the savant of the S & L crisis.
Seidman kept trying to tell us how the S & L success might inform a very expeditious and inexpensive solution of the current banking debacle. But Larry didn’t want to hear such advices (smacked too much of Larry’s feared and hated “nationalisation”) — so all we ever got from the Cudlow-embattled Seidman was a series of Cudlow-cut-off half-sentences.
Such a waste. And now Seidman and his insights are gone.
Why get rid of Haines? He’s one of the few calm and sane ones, also one of the few who actually wants to hear a guest answer a question.
The guy who has got to go is the insane “Larry” (Cudlow). Think of how many times he crudely cut off the wisdom of the best guest CNBC ever had — the late, lamented and highly-respected William Seidman, the savant of the S & L crisis.
Seidman kept trying to tell us how the S & L success might inform a very expeditious and inexpensive solution of the current banking debacle. But Larry didn’t want to hear such advices (smacked too much of Larry’s feared and hated “nationalisation”) — so all we ever got from the Cudlow-embattled Seidman was a series of Cudlow-cut-off half-sentences.
Such a waste. And now Seidman and his insights are gone.
illiterate @59- it says “never” get rid of Haines.
Why get rid of Haines? He’s one of the few calm and sane ones, also one of the few who actually wants to hear a guest answer a question.
The guy who has got to go is the insane “Larry” (Cudlow). Think of how many times he crudely cut off the wisdom of the best guest CNBC ever had — the late, lamented and highly-respected William Seidman, the savant of the S & L crisis.
Seidman kept trying to tell us how the S & L success might inform a very expeditious and inexpensive solution of the current banking debacle. But Larry didn’t want to hear such advices (smacked too much of Larry’s feared and hated “nationalisation”) — so all we ever got from the Cudlow-embattled Seidman was a series of Cudlow-cut-off half-sentences.
Such a waste. And now Seidman and his insights are gone.
holy fuck 57/58/59/61- it says “never get rid of haines”! christ.
Sorry about the repetition of 57/58/59/61.
The comment kept getting hung up — I thought. And the site does not provide the normal “Your comment has been posted” confirmation.
“Less is more” — and one copy of the comment would do, and was all that was intended.
Again, apologies for the duplication. Hopefully, the “truth” (we all have the truth, right?) in the comment does not too much suffer.
I cannot believe how partisan and uncivil CNBC has become.
If you wouldn’t act that way around your mother, don’t do it on tv. It’s rude.
And political? I don’t give a rat about what any of them think. I want reporting.
CNBC: The Little Network That Cries Wolf
http://chickaboomer.blogspot.com/2009/06/cnbc-little-network-that-cries-wolf.html
#1 and #6 TOTALLY stealing my thunder.
Bartiromo and Sue Herrera are both getting long in the tooth. Get them in the gym, and get them each a young bikini girl “announcer” for each f thier segments.
CNBC definitely screams for more bikini babe “analysts,” nore legs in high heels and tight sweaters.
CNBC needs to develop a cleavage quotient: maybe as the DOW goes down, more cleavage to raise everyone’s mood on set; less as the DOW goes up?
How to Fix CNBC in america? I think if the focused more on the Buisness and less on their “celebrity” theyd be A lot better. Less studio roundtables and that sort of thing. There is los of Buisness news to be had, lots of exciting deveklopments they should be focused on. And A little more Melissa Lee wouldnt hurt either(wink wink!)
as for CNBC world(my preferance) get the girls up out of the anchor desk(ala capital connection in london) Love to see a lot more(literally) of Saijal Patel, Chloe Cho. Kaori Enjoji and of course Emily Chan(and if they were made to wear sookie stackhouse shorts I woudlnt complain either!) Other than that CNBC doesnt need too much fixing(at least CNBC world anyway.)
EMILY CHAN+SOOKIE STACKHOUSE SHORTS=RATINGS!
@1: I think you need to take that proposal, write it up, and charge Foz Biz Channel a couple hundred K as a consultant. You’ve absolutely hit on the business plan they need to overtake CNBC. Give the traders some incentive: market up 0-100 points, Cody Willard gets kneed in the balls on-air; 101-200 you get girl-on-girl action, 200+ Cody gets ass-raped PLUS girl-on-girl action, etc. etc.
I fully agree that the screaming anchors, interrupting interviewers are a turn-off. And Larry Kudlow… he is so dogmatic in his beliefs that he often fails to see the woods from the trees, greys from the blacks & whites – he’s almost a caricature of what he wants to be seen as…and he interrupts and scowls too much.