The House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform has “invited” Ben Bernanke to come have a chat June 25. First order of business: whether or not B-nanke lubed up the Bank of America/Merrill deal by threatening harm to Lewis’s employment status/kidneys unless KL did exactly as he was told (keep the Merrill losses hush hush ’til the right time, show us a smile). Presumably the Fed chair has RSVP’d that he’ll be there with bells on, which is great.
And by great I mean: yet another reminder of how badly this thing was blown. Bald, Beard and Boone’s all should have received invitations to discuss the situation individually and then, SURPRISE– you’re all doing this at the same time. Side by side, in the most awkward manner possible. Two hours in Lewis would’ve utilized the wastebasket next to the table to puke (on account of nerves associated with having Paulson sitting close enough that he could easily break all of KL’s fingers with minimal effort, and a breakfast of booze). Three hours in Ang Moz would’ve busted through the backdoor under the misguided impression that he’d been asked to appear as a character witness. Four hours in– anyone’s guess. Instead, Bernanke will show up and remain fairly calm while the definition of the word threat is debated for half a day.
We’ll watch it, of course, and write about it, probably. But it’ll be done begrudgingly so. Unless someone can up with a last minute idea to spice this thing up. Opening suggestion– more Maxine.
Idiot from Congress: Mr. Bernanke would you care to tell us exactly what role you played in the Bank of America Merril Lynch deal please?
The Beard: “I’m talking about me, in the Federal Reserve of New York Building, live, uncut, in person, bringin’ in the CEOs, luuuubin’ the deals.”
@1- you get me.
Oxley gonna be on CNBC in a few
@3 thanks TV Guide
Tugg Speedman: There were times while I was playing Ken Lewis where I felt… [pause]…retarded. Like, really retarded.
Kirk Lazarus: Damn!
Tugg Speedman: In a weird way I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that is was ok to be stupid or dumb.
Kirk Lazarus: To be a moron.
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: To be moronical.
Tugg Speedman: Exactly, to be a moron.
Kirk Lazarus: An imbecile.
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: Like the dumbest mother fucker that ever lived.
Tugg Speedman: [pause] When I was playing the character.
…
Kirk Lazarus: Everybody knows you never go full retard.
Tugg Speedman: What do you mean?
Kirk Lazarus: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, ‘Rain Man,’ look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho’. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, ‘Forrest Gump.’ Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain’t retarded. Peter Sellers, “Being There.” Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don’t buy that? Ask Ken Lewis, 2008, “Countrywide/Merrill.” Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed…
Bess, I’ve heard that the Committee is going to impeach Bernanke”s testimony with an empty bottle of Boone’s that has Ken’s DNA and Ben’s fingerprints on it. Got any corroboration for this?