• 05 Jun 2009 at 9:53 AM

Fight Night: Pandit v. Bair

Picture 1485.pngWe feel like bad Pals o’ Pandito for giving this story that Sheila Bair may soon be telling Vikram to pack up his shit and hit the road any weight whatsoever. But, our thinking is that it’s best to be prepared, so that in the event Vikula is indeed escorted from the building, it doesn’t catch us by surprise. Also, we come up with a contingency plan. We’re not going to let Uncle Vik go down the road of a certain commode connoisseur. So, we need to do two things. 1) Get a rough idea of whether or not we think this horror scenario might actually happen and 2) Strategize. Figure out Plan B for Pandit. Whereas he previously could’ve fallen back on his looks (jolly elfin’ smile + bouncy belly = money), VP has slimmed down considerably since taking on the job, meaning the Tickle a Vickle booth set up in the middle of Times Square is out, and we’re back to the drawing board.

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Comments (25)

  1. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 9:59 AM

    Get rid of the “show them anyway” on the comment section. I click on the story to see the comments and if that is not the case, TLDR.

  2. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:01 AM

    Bring him on as another DB writer? He could sort of be a refined LSO-esque writer.

  3. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:01 AM

    @1- blow me.
    as for VP: He should start a hedge fund.

  4. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:02 AM

    @3- great idea. And then he should sell it to Citi for a few hundred mill.

  5. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:05 AM

    @3/4- and call it New Lane?

  6. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:05 AM

    @4 Good idea, wrong bank. He needs to sell it to Morgan Stanley. Mack is always up for a “roll of the dice”, especially when a friend is running the table.
    How’s the Samberg “Roll Over on Mack for Sentence Reduction” thing going?

  7. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:06 AM

    @6- he should start a few funds, and sell them to citi/bac/ms, etc.

  8. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:09 AM

    Stinks like sex and curry in here.

  9. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:12 AM

    @8- really? that’s the best you can come up with?

  10. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:14 AM

    @9 – I am sorry. I am sleepy today.

  11. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:15 AM

    Baluchis’delivery man. This would accomplish two things.
    1.) All that paneer would get him back to tickle-mode.
    2.) I have it on good authority that Vik’s two favorite movies include “Rad” and “Breaking Away.” In this case, Vik would become “Cru” and go on to win the tourney (or have a bike dance-off at local PS-161).

  12. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:17 AM

    Where’s Anus? Bring out the Anus!

  13. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:18 AM

    What is SHE thinking?!!?!? This man is the best suited to fill the cardboard cut-out role this CEO position requires because clearly, as alluded to the “WSJ” article, the person sitting in the un-Zen-like Park Ave office suite is emasculated into making no decisions whatsoever, not even on sub-zero fridges!

  14. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:22 AM

    Triumph the Insult Comic Dog for CEO

  15. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 10:26 AM

    Linnger Lonnger.

  16. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 11:06 AM

    bouncy belly… genius

  17. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 11:49 AM

    Vik’s Wife: So, what are you gonna do now? Are you gonna look for something else in banking?
    Vik: Nobody’s hiring now. The market’s terrible.
    VW: So what are you gonna do?
    Vik: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
    VW: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
    VIK: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
    VW: Yeah. Well, that – that could be tough to get.
    Vik: Well, it doesn’t even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could
    be like, an announcer. Like a caller man. You know how I always make
    those interesting comments during the game.
    VW: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
    VIK: What about that?
    VW: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that
    are, you know, in broadcasting.
    Vik: Well, that’s really not fair.
    VW: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do ya like?
    Vik: Movies. I like to watch movies.
    VW: Yeah. Yeah.
    Vik: Do they pay people to watch movies?
    VW: Projectionists.
    Vik: That’s true.
    VW: But you gotta know how to work the projector.
    Vik: Right.
    VW: And it’s probably a union thing.
    Vik: [scoffs] Those unions. [sighs] Okay. Sports,…movies. What about a
    talk show host?
    VW: Talk show host. That’s good.
    VIK: I think I’d be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone
    even told me once they thought I’d be a good talk show host.
    VW: Really?
    VIK: Yeah. A couple of people. I don’t get that, though. Where do you
    start?
    VW: Well, that’s where it gets tricky.
    VIK: You can’t just walk into a building and say ” I wanna be a talk
    show host.”
    VW: I wouldn’t think so.
    Vik: It’s all politics.
    VW: All right. Okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?
    Vik: This could have been a huge mistake.

  18. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 12:03 PM

    Plan B: John & Vikram Go to White Castle

  19. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 12:28 PM

    Lets review with Vikram: booted from Morgan Stanley, starts disaster of a hedge fund, gets courted by Citi (red flag there, chasing mgmnt from a failed hedge fund), f’s up Citi and now finds himself on a one-way ticket to be unemployedville yet again (although Vikram’s unemployment is unlikely to be the same as ours, several mill in payouts will ensure that). Perhaps Citi can drag back Weil, or Prince perhaps, recycling CEO’s seemed to make sense to Morgan Stanley (until recently of course, small matter of Mack and insider dealing while he was licking his wounds/laying low at Pequot).
    “Masters of the Universe” my arse, these clowns couldn’t organize a drink-up in a brewery.

  20. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 12:32 PM

    Sheila should suck VP’s dong…
    Who else will she get to run Citi AND what is the point of changing management now? VP didn’t get Citi into the mess, he’s helping to get them out. A new management team would just mean three months of wasted time preparing power point slides to bring them “up to speed”.
    Maybe the She Bear should be fired?
    – 399 Park insider

  21. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 12:35 PM

    hey guys, fife here. was just perusing the y! boards and saw that jimmy cayne will be the next CEO of C.
    Enjoy the rest of your Friday.

  22. Posted by EZ2517 | June 5, 2009 at 12:36 PM

    Vik will stay. Vik is a good dog that does what he’s told, without complaints or leaks a la Ken Lewis.
    The Fed is Citi’s primary regulator. Lack of commercial banking experience at the top is irrelevant. The head of the Consumer Bank – firmly entrenched in Bair’s world – is a commercial banker.
    She-Bair and Vik hate each other, going back to the Wachovia deal that wasn’t. C still hasn’t gotten over it. People still complain about it, specifically about the She-Bair. The Pandettes hate the She-Bair, intensely, and judging from the WSJ piece, it seems they have gotten under her skin.

  23. Posted by guest | June 6, 2009 at 7:22 AM

    Who the f*ck would be dumb enough to accept the top job at Citi?
    Vik is here to stay until the gov’t finishes running the firm into the ground.

  24. Posted by StillNoCouch | June 6, 2009 at 6:23 PM

    There are certain facts that must be accepted, if not understood for the total gravity of them.
    1. Bears shit in the woods.
    2. C can’t survive w/o V (I mean, purely for the entertainment aspects, of course).
    Seriously … Dude’s done way better than most at weathering this storm … I’ve gotta give him some love/respect for that.
    (No assholes … I actually DO have a job)

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