Here at Dealbreaker we’ve been taking careful note of the various ways in which the wives of formerly successful financial services hacks have been forced to demean themselves due to unprecedented market volatility. Flying commercial over private. Wearing J. Crew. Performing A2M without even the possibility of it resulting in a trip to the ATM. Driving Honda Pilots. Today the sob stories continue.
Since his hedge fund closed, one trader’s wife has been slumming it among the masses, telling writer, Tatiana Boncompagni, “Do you know I have to take the subway now? I didn’t get married for this.” Fuck no she didn’t! (Sadly, unless she cuts her losses, Jenny from the Block will be riding the 6 for the foreseeable future, on account of the fact that, in her opinion, Meal Ticket hasn’t been trying hard enough to find a new job.) Thanks to her worthless hedge hub, another victim is downgrading to $60 bottles of wine at dinner. Tomorrow it’ll probably be Old English. One wife is actually being forced to pimp it out (her house on Mustique, for $40,000 a week, not her body but presumably that’s next). And there are the women whose situations are so bad they’re not even allowed to get into it at all.
When I tried to interview an acquaintance whose husband works for SAC Capital for this article, she told me that she had been advised not to speak to anyone, even off the record.
stevie, you are COLD.
sounds like the last one’s situation is “no twinkies-bad”
“Not too long ago my husband and I were invited to the apartment of an extremely successful hedgie for dinner. Five of us were sitting around the giant coffee table, enjoying our cocktails, when one woman remarked that the hedgie’s wife, who also works in the industry, was likely to out-earn her husband that year. The silence was deafening.”
guaranteed that the woman in 3′s comment is Julie Macklowe and her husband Billy.
I know a way these girls can make a fast buck. Sucking my dick! Count it.
–Ben Bernanke
@4 very possible
You hear that . .. …. ? ? ? ? ?
That’s the sound of my heart bleeding.
“Jenny from the Block”
very nice.
A2M without ATM – very nice work
Where are these women going to go? The cash cow herd has thinned a bit lately and they are just getting older like a lease about to expire.
@9 prosties
I would let Ruth Madoff bleach my anus for free.
Dylan Razadazzle
@10… they’ve been prosties all along. Prosties with a really steady income stream
Mustique sounds like it is beautiful. My curiosity is peaking.
Tonight’s think-piece: How far back are we setting feminism by assuming a causal relationship between A2M and ATM, and how far back are we setting it by assuming none? I’m gonna have a beer, and let my secretary ponder this one.
All along the husbands were planning their exit as their wives were depreciating assets because beauty can only last so long. Now the wives realize it’s their husbands that are depreciating their assets. This is not going to end well. Hope they never reproduced.
14,
Ponder or get pounded? ‘Tis truly the question.
this is the dumbest article ive ever read.. i hate this woman and her “hedgie” friends
“We’ve been seeing a lot of résumés, a lot of networking — and these are not newcomers. They are people who have been in the industry for years and are now looking desperately for a new home.”
Hello? TGFD doesn’t quite understand what’s going on here with these former hedge-fund traders. Maybe someone would be kind enough to explain.
If these clowns are as good as they claim to be, why don’t they just trade their own accounts thru Fidelity’s “Active Trader Pro”?
Hell, they could make a $zillion. Lever-up and whatever like that. WTF is all this “lookin’-for-a-job” bullshit?
The Guy from Delaware
Now’s the perfect time to trade your 40 “hedgie” in for 2 20s. Assets down = Alimony down…
@17- every woman int the article sounds like a fucking cunt. their husband’s should be so lucky to have them leave.
I was about to shed a half a tear
@14: it’s clearly a problem feminism would like to ignore. not many successful women looking to support a trophy husband, but it seems to happen quite often on the flip-side. dudes usually make the mistake of holding onto trophies a little too long… better to kick ‘em to the curb before they collect dust.
spoiled brats.
I can make it rain vaginas.
Ariel Roubini
you know what i like most about hedgies? i keep gettin’ older, they keep stayin’ the same age…
W. Ackman
@24 nouriel. NOURIEL!
I know, @26, but my name is Ariel, Nouriel’s younger, better looking, hornier step brother.
penis bono pax in domo
Hedgie ineptus non penis erectus
Snarking on Hedgies = inexpensive fun.
Snarking on Hedgies in Latin? = priceless!
Do tibi avem, Hedgie ineptus.
Das bonus caput.
A woman who marries an heir to a fortune talking shit about hedge fund employees and their wives?
But I pick up the cheerios myself!!!
The joke practically writes itself.
@25
Thought you weren’t into the girlie scene?
book review: take it to the beach this summer, the book is actually pretty good! nicely ties in last year’s market mess with the catty bitchy women stuff. real housewives of NY/NJ meets wall street. the EX Mrs. Hedgefund is supposed to be a good read too