Greetings. You may have noticed that there has been a slight change to the Dealbreaker roster and now some guy Greg Michaels is listed as a co-editor. So, to answer the two burning questions running through your collective heads right about now, I'll first tell you a bit about myself and then whether or not I have a brother named Brett. I grew up in a leafy, snobby suburb, attended an equally snobby prep school and college and then went into a career almost unheard of for people who have traveled a similar path: I went to work for a (formerly) big bank. A few of you may even know people like this. I made the move from studying derivatives to working in them and rode that bubble to its peak. When the joke was clearly over, I cashed in my chips, bought a bunch of SKF, SDS, SRS and just about every other ultrashort out there and watched the great unraveling take place. As a loyal Dealbreaker reader, the opportunity to go from fan to playing in the band (much like the Mark Wahlberg/Jennifer Aniston classic Rock Star) was too good to pass up. Unfortunately that is the closest rock star tie I have as, sadly, I do not have a brother named Brett who hooked me up with trips on the Rock of Love bus or Poison after-show parties. So, that is my deal. Enough with the pleasantries. Let's get on with it.
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Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:18PM
Dear Newbie - Hope you're wearing your funny panties (you'll need 'em).
Bess- Please please please don't leave us.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:22PM
sarcasm does not always equal funny. just remember that
Posted by girl , Jun 01, 2009 12:23PM
One GM falls and another rises. Welcome to DB!
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:26PM
I already have decided to hate you Mr. Michaels.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:28PM
So, basically you're telling us you bought your way onto the Editorial Board of DB with the tainted proceeds from your massively unpatriotic shorting of all that is holy in American society. Is that it?
Excellent. Money never sleeps.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:30PM
Agree with @4.
Sizzler
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:31PM
IF you already made the money, why do you need our approval?
Arrogance will not go far here... better change quickly.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:32PM
I was really hoping that TGFD would be joining the staff =\
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:34PM
You're barely on the other side of the "never trust a person with two first names" line.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:35PM
Have you read the new DB posting guidelines? I believe you risk banishment for laying this steaming turd in the yard.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:35PM
I can't stand Greg Paulus. How did he get here?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:37PM
I liked you until you quashed the Brett Michaels connection. You are dead to me now. Have a Great Day!
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:37PM
Sounds like you've got a long row to hoe, ho'
Posted by hedge , Jun 01, 2009 12:38PM
I assume (hope?) you know there is a return key on your keyboard and you'll make use of it in the future...
/sigh
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:39PM
Greg, I am going to beat you up after work.
Jeff Macke
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:42PM
This reminds me of that Brady Bunch episode where cousin Oliver comes to live with the Bradys and everyone hates him right away because they think he is a jinx but they grow to selfishly love him because his mere presence in line with them that day wins them a contest at a movie studio. Real good moral lesson, Mike and Carol! Yeah.. this is just like that..
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:45PM
dooshbag
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:47PM
LOBSTERCLOPS will smite thee, Mr. Michaels. Mark my words.
Dylan Ratigan's manicurist
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:50PM
hockey or squash?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:55PM
I hate him in the way I hated Joe Besser and Joe DeRita.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 12:56PM
bump #4
Posted by american bandersnatch , Jun 01, 2009 12:59PM
Mr. Michaels, I read John Carney, I made fun of John Carney, John Carney knew a lot about rice prices. Mr. Michaels, you are no John Carney.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:00PM
Actually this guy reminds me more of the Oliver character they slotted into Diff'rent Strokes. Best of luck not getting kidnapped by a bereaved father, Greggers!
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:00PM
I will just call you George -
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:01PM
"bought a bunch of SKF, SDS, SRS"
Were you the guy who bought these at 200 and are still holding them? Otherwise, you'd have long since been gone like that Lahde guy instead of moonlighting at DB.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:02PM
Could have at least TRIED to make the porn star name a little more believeable...
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:04PM
does DB pay a salary?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:05PM
Out of order, I'll show you out of order! You don't know what out of order is Mr. Trask! I'd show you but I'm too old, I'm too tired, and I'm too fuckin' blind. If I were the man I was five years ago I'd take a flame-thrower to this place. Out of order? Who the hell do you think you're talking to!? I've been around, you know? There was a time I could see. And I have seen, boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there is nothin' like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that. You think you're merely sending this splendid foot-soldier back home to Oregon with his tail between his legs, but I say "you are executing his soul!" And why? Because he's not a Baird man. Baird men, you hurt this boy, you're going to be Baird Bums, the lot of ya. And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there, fuck you too!
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:05PM
for a second, I thought you said your name was Greg Walters, and I was psyched. Then I re-read the Michaels bit and went back to my default mode.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:06PM
Shouldn't you know how to spell your own estranged brother's name?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:12PM
Greggo, don't let her see you, but could please snap a picture (cameraphone OK) of Bess and post it up. We'll be waiting.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:14PM
Is this Z to the B of Morgan Stanley CDO infamy?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:17PM
wiener
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:18PM
Go get me some coffee
Posted by Anal_yst , Jun 01, 2009 1:19PM
Goodluck, and godspeed, Mr Michaels!
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:22PM
Is your middle name Michael?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:23PM
Hope this gig (finally) gets you laid.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:24PM
@4 Concur
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:24PM
Oye pendejo traga leche.
Posted by BSD , Jun 01, 2009 1:25PM
Greg Michaels of Argo?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:31PM
does that mean EP won't be posting anymore?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:34PM
Dear Greg,
Suffice it to say you have gotten off to a rough start. Next time you think you have something funny or clever to post run it past Bess or EP. It'll make your tenure here a bit easier to for us to tolerate - think of it like editorial astroglide.
Enjoy your stay.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:43PM
Greg - The important question, in a pillow fight, who would win Bess or EP?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:47PM
Who is Greg Gault?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:48PM
good work 36
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:50PM
You traded derivatives, but decided to take a short bet on the market with retail etfs rather than puts? Fraud.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:51PM
Hi Greg and welcome to the three hour tour. When posting a new story just try to remember many of our meds are no longer covered at some of our new employers like The Crap and Chuck E Cheese.
-Ask me about the Meat Lover's Special
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:55PM
Wall of text hits you for 246 damage.
You fail the saving throw.
"My eyes!"
Now, the important question. If you had to choose... BL or EP?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:57PM
So you're a fag then.
Well, equal representation and all.
I suppose I don't need to tell you how to smoke a cigar, but when you can combine it with appreciating a fine cognac in the company of others who can do the same, you'll be OK.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:59PM
Guest@#8...
TGFD is back on DB after a 2-week banishment.
To address your comment, may I say that TGFD has enough difficulty trying to stay off suspension, so being invited to join the DB staff is probably not something that management is even considering.
I would, however, agree to write a guest piece with plenty of sex and crazy if DB invites TGFD to do so.
My 2-week layoff was brutal and very hard on TGFD. The problems you goons face on Wall Street are mundane compared to what happened to TGFD. One of Mrs. TGFD's afternoon teas comes to mind in the mundane category.
Mr. Michaels...Welcome to you. It sounds like the DB cretins are already on your case, so you're off to a rollicking good start. Now they have someone else to hate-on besides just TGFD. Actually, I don't mind that, because at least I'm good at something.
The Guy from Delaware
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 1:59PM
49 If you know how to smoke a cigar, you can probably do a good job on my dick.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 2:05PM
This has nothing to do with the pros and cons of pounding your secretary in her ass.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 2:08PM
MoneygripWisdom wanted to kick ur azz as soon as the phrase "I grew up in a leafy, snobby suburb, attended an equally snobby prep school and college blah blah blah" was used. Get stuffed Greg Michaels wiener turdboy.
-MoneygripWisdom.
ps- TGFD is cool
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 2:17PM
Listen up Michaels and try and not step in the bullshit because it looks as if your cap is gonna get peeled on here....
There are three rules to live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now ya stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese...
Play in the dirt and ya get dirty.
Oh and get a coffee for @34. Thanks chapo!
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 2:32PM
TGFD, welcome back. If SPODE showed up, the menagerie would be complete.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 2:35PM
outstanding Teen Wolf reference, @54.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 3:16PM
The new writer is pretty bad at writing. Couldn't Dealbreaker have hired someone with a more palatable writing style? There's no sense of tone or pacing. Might as well just feed info to a high school kid and have them write some posts.
Maybe Dealbreaker isn't paying people enough and so can't land better talent.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 3:17PM
Greg Michaels what is your problem
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 3:17PM
Well, looky here, Greg. For the entire period you in my room, I better not catch you standing up peeing. You sit down when you pee, you got that? Now get your fat ass on outta here.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 3:19PM
@57- maybe you're an idiot.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 3:21PM
Guests@#53 & #55...
It's good to be back. Those 2 weeks were bad. They began with an explosion, spiraled downward from there, and ended with TGFD's reclamation.
As for SPODE, TGFD has no idea. Maybe he's been suspended too.
The Guy from Delaware
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 3:55PM
60
WTF? Do you not like it when people express a critical opinion about something? Did I offend you? Are you a high school kid who has an equally terrible writing style?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 4:10PM
@57-- and he's co-editor, leapfrogging over any advancement opportunity EP had. we should start an EP defense fund...
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 4:11PM
I just shorted Greg Michaels and went long on Bess.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 4:24PM
Gregologue,
Seriously, you are going to need some shtick. Didn't they make you get some before you started posting? You see here Bess has her loveliness; EP has her correctitude and "William Richards" drops the f-bombs. Seriously, man, you've gotta get something because right now we have nothing to latch on to.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 4:27PM
I'm begining to think this mofo killed EP!
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 5:01PM
Aw don't you see it, guys? This is Muffie Benson-Perella having a laugh, doing her "Sybil" imitation...
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 5:41PM
@46
You are thinking the same thing I'm thinking.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 5:45PM
anyone who was any good at derivatives could have found 1000 better ways to make money on the crash than ultrashorts...puts much? give me a break...
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 6:40PM
Oh god, another self-proclaimed "smart" guy who worked at a big bank, cashed in all his chips at the highs, made millions...
...and now writes for Dealbreaker.
Sure Mr. Michaels. Good for you.
Bess, have you done your homework on this one?
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 7:04PM
LOL. It looks you have it made, Mr. Michaels. These boys bitched just like this when EP arrived and now you're getting the same treatment.
Funniest part, it reading how great EP is when some of them used to slash her every post to pieces.
Good luck honey.
Posted by guest , Jun 01, 2009 10:31PM
Gents, EP appears to be over at www.zerohedge.com as Marla Singer. The writing style is sooooooo familar...
Posted by guest , Jun 02, 2009 12:46AM
@72
Agree 100%. I noticed how she wasted her weekend. She needs more Xanax.
Tyler fucks Marla (in the movie).
Posted by guest , Jun 02, 2009 6:02AM
@72- yes, and apparenty he's letting her go further w her right-wing lunacy than DB ever did.
Posted by guest , Jun 02, 2009 1:24PM
So you grew up on Michaels street and the name of your first pet was Greg?
Posted by guest , Jun 14, 2009 4:40PM
Last Bitches!
SPODE
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2009 8:03AM
@76
no you're not. the before last guy sucks my cojones while getting clubbed by my dick like a baby seal.
PEB