Greetings. You may have noticed that there has been a slight change to the Dealbreaker roster and now some guy Greg Michaels is listed as a co-editor. So, to answer the two burning questions running through your collective heads right about now, I’ll first tell you a bit about myself and then whether or not I have a brother named Brett. I grew up in a leafy, snobby suburb, attended an equally snobby prep school and college and then went into a career almost unheard of for people who have traveled a similar path: I went to work for a (formerly) big bank. A few of you may even know people like this. I made the move from studying derivatives to working in them and rode that bubble to its peak. When the joke was clearly over, I cashed in my chips, bought a bunch of SKF, SDS, SRS and just about every other ultrashort out there and watched the great unraveling take place. As a loyal Dealbreaker reader, the opportunity to go from fan to playing in the band (much like the Mark Wahlberg/Jennifer Aniston classic Rock Star) was too good to pass up. Unfortunately that is the closest rock star tie I have as, sadly, I do not have a brother named Brett who hooked me up with trips on the Rock of Love bus or Poison after-show parties. So, that is my deal. Enough with the pleasantries. Let’s get on with it.
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Dear Newbie – Hope you’re wearing your funny panties (you’ll need ‘em).
Bess- Please please please don’t leave us.
sarcasm does not always equal funny. just remember that
One GM falls and another rises. Welcome to DB!
I already have decided to hate you Mr. Michaels.
So, basically you’re telling us you bought your way onto the Editorial Board of DB with the tainted proceeds from your massively unpatriotic shorting of all that is holy in American society. Is that it?
Excellent. Money never sleeps.
Agree with @4.
Sizzler
IF you already made the money, why do you need our approval?
Arrogance will not go far here… better change quickly.
I was really hoping that TGFD would be joining the staff =\
You’re barely on the other side of the “never trust a person with two first names” line.
Have you read the new DB posting guidelines? I believe you risk banishment for laying this steaming turd in the yard.
I can’t stand Greg Paulus. How did he get here?
I liked you until you quashed the Brett Michaels connection. You are dead to me now. Have a Great Day!
Sounds like you’ve got a long row to hoe, ho’
I assume (hope?) you know there is a return key on your keyboard and you’ll make use of it in the future…
/sigh
Greg, I am going to beat you up after work.
Jeff Macke
This reminds me of that Brady Bunch episode where cousin Oliver comes to live with the Bradys and everyone hates him right away because they think he is a jinx but they grow to selfishly love him because his mere presence in line with them that day wins them a contest at a movie studio. Real good moral lesson, Mike and Carol! Yeah.. this is just like that..
dooshbag
LOBSTERCLOPS will smite thee, Mr. Michaels. Mark my words.
Dylan Ratigan’s manicurist
hockey or squash?
I hate him in the way I hated Joe Besser and Joe DeRita.
bump #4
Mr. Michaels, I read John Carney, I made fun of John Carney, John Carney knew a lot about rice prices. Mr. Michaels, you are no John Carney.
Actually this guy reminds me more of the Oliver character they slotted into Diff’rent Strokes. Best of luck not getting kidnapped by a bereaved father, Greggers!
I will just call you George -
“bought a bunch of SKF, SDS, SRS”
Were you the guy who bought these at 200 and are still holding them? Otherwise, you’d have long since been gone like that Lahde guy instead of moonlighting at DB.
Could have at least TRIED to make the porn star name a little more believeable…
does DB pay a salary?
Out of order, I’ll show you out of order! You don’t know what out of order is Mr. Trask! I’d show you but I’m too old, I’m too tired, and I’m too fuckin’ blind. If I were the man I was five years ago I’d take a flame-thrower to this place. Out of order? Who the hell do you think you’re talking to!? I’ve been around, you know? There was a time I could see. And I have seen, boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there is nothin’ like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that. You think you’re merely sending this splendid foot-soldier back home to Oregon with his tail between his legs, but I say “you are executing his soul!” And why? Because he’s not a Baird man. Baird men, you hurt this boy, you’re going to be Baird Bums, the lot of ya. And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there, fuck you too!
for a second, I thought you said your name was Greg Walters, and I was psyched. Then I re-read the Michaels bit and went back to my default mode.
Shouldn’t you know how to spell your own estranged brother’s name?
Greggo, don’t let her see you, but could please snap a picture (cameraphone OK) of Bess and post it up. We’ll be waiting.
Is this Z to the B of Morgan Stanley CDO infamy?
wiener
Go get me some coffee
Goodluck, and godspeed, Mr Michaels!
Is your middle name Michael?
Hope this gig (finally) gets you laid.
@4 Concur
Oye pendejo traga leche.
Greg Michaels of Argo?
does that mean EP won’t be posting anymore?
Dear Greg,
Suffice it to say you have gotten off to a rough start. Next time you think you have something funny or clever to post run it past Bess or EP. It’ll make your tenure here a bit easier to for us to tolerate – think of it like editorial astroglide.
Enjoy your stay.
Greg – The important question, in a pillow fight, who would win Bess or EP?
Who is Greg Gault?
good work 36
You traded derivatives, but decided to take a short bet on the market with retail etfs rather than puts? Fraud.
Hi Greg and welcome to the three hour tour. When posting a new story just try to remember many of our meds are no longer covered at some of our new employers like The Crap and Chuck E Cheese.
-Ask me about the Meat Lover’s Special
Wall of text hits you for 246 damage.
You fail the saving throw.
“My eyes!”
Now, the important question. If you had to choose… BL or EP?
So you’re a fag then.
Well, equal representation and all.
I suppose I don’t need to tell you how to smoke a cigar, but when you can combine it with appreciating a fine cognac in the company of others who can do the same, you’ll be OK.
Guest@#8…
TGFD is back on DB after a 2-week banishment.
To address your comment, may I say that TGFD has enough difficulty trying to stay off suspension, so being invited to join the DB staff is probably not something that management is even considering.
I would, however, agree to write a guest piece with plenty of sex and crazy if DB invites TGFD to do so.
My 2-week layoff was brutal and very hard on TGFD. The problems you goons face on Wall Street are mundane compared to what happened to TGFD. One of Mrs. TGFD’s afternoon teas comes to mind in the mundane category.
Mr. Michaels…Welcome to you. It sounds like the DB cretins are already on your case, so you’re off to a rollicking good start. Now they have someone else to hate-on besides just TGFD. Actually, I don’t mind that, because at least I’m good at something.
The Guy from Delaware
49 If you know how to smoke a cigar, you can probably do a good job on my dick.
This has nothing to do with the pros and cons of pounding your secretary in her ass.
MoneygripWisdom wanted to kick ur azz as soon as the phrase “I grew up in a leafy, snobby suburb, attended an equally snobby prep school and college blah blah blah” was used. Get stuffed Greg Michaels wiener turdboy.
-MoneygripWisdom.
ps- TGFD is cool
Listen up Michaels and try and not step in the bullshit because it looks as if your cap is gonna get peeled on here….
There are three rules to live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now ya stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese…
Play in the dirt and ya get dirty.
Oh and get a coffee for @34. Thanks chapo!
TGFD, welcome back. If SPODE showed up, the menagerie would be complete.
outstanding Teen Wolf reference, @54.
The new writer is pretty bad at writing. Couldn’t Dealbreaker have hired someone with a more palatable writing style? There’s no sense of tone or pacing. Might as well just feed info to a high school kid and have them write some posts.
Maybe Dealbreaker isn’t paying people enough and so can’t land better talent.
Greg Michaels what is your problem
Well, looky here, Greg. For the entire period you in my room, I better not catch you standing up peeing. You sit down when you pee, you got that? Now get your fat ass on outta here.
@57- maybe you’re an idiot.
Guests@#53 & #55…
It’s good to be back. Those 2 weeks were bad. They began with an explosion, spiraled downward from there, and ended with TGFD’s reclamation.
As for SPODE, TGFD has no idea. Maybe he’s been suspended too.
The Guy from Delaware
60
WTF? Do you not like it when people express a critical opinion about something? Did I offend you? Are you a high school kid who has an equally terrible writing style?
@57– and he’s co-editor, leapfrogging over any advancement opportunity EP had. we should start an EP defense fund…
I just shorted Greg Michaels and went long on Bess.
Gregologue,
Seriously, you are going to need some shtick. Didn’t they make you get some before you started posting? You see here Bess has her loveliness; EP has her correctitude and “William Richards” drops the f-bombs. Seriously, man, you’ve gotta get something because right now we have nothing to latch on to.
I’m begining to think this mofo killed EP!
Aw don’t you see it, guys? This is Muffie Benson-Perella having a laugh, doing her “Sybil” imitation…
@46
You are thinking the same thing I’m thinking.
anyone who was any good at derivatives could have found 1000 better ways to make money on the crash than ultrashorts…puts much? give me a break…
Oh god, another self-proclaimed “smart” guy who worked at a big bank, cashed in all his chips at the highs, made millions…
…and now writes for Dealbreaker.
Sure Mr. Michaels. Good for you.
Bess, have you done your homework on this one?
LOL. It looks you have it made, Mr. Michaels. These boys bitched just like this when EP arrived and now you’re getting the same treatment.
Funniest part, it reading how great EP is when some of them used to slash her every post to pieces.
Good luck honey.
Gents, EP appears to be over at http://www.zerohedge.com as Marla Singer. The writing style is sooooooo familar…
@72
Agree 100%. I noticed how she wasted her weekend. She needs more Xanax.
Tyler fucks Marla (in the movie).
@72- yes, and apparenty he’s letting her go further w her right-wing lunacy than DB ever did.
So you grew up on Michaels street and the name of your first pet was Greg?
Last Bitches!
SPODE
@76
no you’re not. the before last guy sucks my cojones while getting clubbed by my dick like a baby seal.
PEB