CNBC will be airing an investigative documentary July 17 entitled, “Porn: The Business of Pleasure,” hosted by Melissa Lee. According to producers, the show will be “an unprecedented behind-the-scenes look inside the multi-billion pornography business, from the threats to its profitability to exclusive behind-the-scenes interviews with the industry’s biggest stars* to the one issue that could bring the adult industry to it’s knees.” Obviously, the question on all our minds: is this some sort of promotion for a series of low-budget pornos entitled “Bitches o’ CNBC”? And if yes, what combinations of talking heads would you like to see featured and in what scenarios?
Earlier: CNBC Slips Personal Porn Agenda Into Conversation
*One of whom will be named the new host of Fast Money.
Archive for June 2009
Now that he’s finally been charged, only about 5 years after the Ponzi scheme was alleged, we’ve got two questions. The first, which you’d think we wouldn’t have to ask but the precedent set by the Maestro himself, Bernie-boy, dictates we must is, will Stanford get locked up nowish or get to go home and plan his escape?
The second prison tats. What phrase or illustration do we think Sir Stan should get inked, and where? Is he a forearm or a tramp stamp guy?
Over the last few weeks the media has taken pains to convince us that Treasury Secretary Geithner and FDIC Chair Sheila Bair cannot stand the sight of each other, want to cut each other off at the knees, and so on and so forth. Most notably they’re said to have butted heads over what to do with their problem child, Vikram Pandit. Sheila, supposedly, wants to throw Pandito out on his ass, while Geithner thinks she’s being too hard on the li’l fella who is a very sensitive, special boy that Bair suffocated with limitations. Vikram, of course, is an innocent child getting caught in the middle of his parent’s problems.
Then morning, while talkin’ about this whole regulation reform plan, She-Bair was all, “[The FDIC] would like a seat at the table. I think this an institutional issue, not a turf issue or a personality issue.” Obviously this was a reference to Geithner to which we say, WTF? What happened to you two hating each other? What happened to the leaked IMs that read, SheBair: Why don’t you shut your mouth,you skanky-assed bee-yatch? TwoTowersTim: Fuck you, cocksucker. SheBair: Slut. TwoTowersTim: Ho. SheBair: Monkey boy.
Lookin’ to start a Ponzi scheme? It’s not for everyone but if you really think you’re cut out for it, listen up. Allen Stanford has started a mentor program to guide the next generation of would-be Ponziers. Tip number one, which comes via CNBC’s Scott Cohn while Sir Stan is otherwise detained: Find yourself a regulator who will “look the other way” in exchange for, I don’t want to call them bribes ’cause it’s such a dirty word, but, okay, bribes. Stanford would hook you up with his guy, Antigua regulator Leroy King, but he’s busy being indicted for hiding info from the SEC for years vis-a-vis Stanford Financial. Don’t worry though, Big Al’s got a Rolodex full of other names he can send you. Next up: impressing potential investors at the gym. You’ll want to pay attention to this chapter. In Stanford’s experience, suckers love a good grunt.
The other day we implored you guys to get yourselves involved in some sex scandals that could potentially prove entertaining to the DB audience. We still want you get right on top of that, possibly today at lunch. But before getting down to business we cannot in good conscience send you out into the wild without adding– don’t get yourself killed, as legal counsel informs me we could possibly be implicated.
There are a variety of ways you could avoid death during sex, all of which we’ll be reviewing, but this morning the most pressing is to not engage in BDSM with Cecile Brossard, or other prostitutes who will fly off the handle if you dare to refer to them by their profession or remark that you think you’re getting overcharged. I cannot stress this enough. You can do them from behind while wearing the mask from Scream, you can keep your socks on, even though it’s weird. But do not, under any circumstances, suggest that a) they are working girls or b) that you’re getting screwed.
While dressed in a latex suit and tethered to a chair, one of France’s richest men was slain by his Swiss mistress — all because he called his hot-headed lover a high-priced prostitute during sex.
“One million for a whore, that’s expensive!” Edouard Stern sniped to an enraged Cecile Brossard, she told a Swiss court.
Brossard, 40, said she was so offended by the slight from the man she adored, she shot Stern, 50, in the head — and then pulled the trigger three more times after he managed to get up out of the chair.
As previously noted, it was visible yesterday that Secretary Geithner has gotten much more comfortable with regard to public speaking and being in front of the camera. After several very awkward months of forehead strains and odd gesticulations, Timbo seems to really have come into his own, almost commanding an air of authority though not going so far as to announce his candidacy for Ben Bernanke’s job, his office promises. And now Geoffrey Raymond has acknowledge the Secretary with the above, which is how you know you’ve finally made it. Congrats, T. Geith. This is how it happens. Next comes with offer from Playboy which we’re not asking you to say yes to right away but just maybe, that you’ll think about it. Rumors of a sex tape cannot be far behind.
As for the portrait, and those of you dying to hang it above your bed– Raymond has priced it at $25,000. For the rest of you, as usual, the artist has requested suggested annotations to be added to the canvas at the time. Do your worst.
From the front lines at the House of Dimon: “JPM laid off most of its North American CLO team on Wednesday (or what was left of it).”
Just when you think there is a limit to laughable bullish calls, Dick Bove wakes up on a Friday and says Citi, “the only truly international bank in the world”, is a buy. Among Bove’s reasons for putting your $3 and change to work in Citi is Sheila Bair’s favorite, that Citi is “too big to fail”, and its earnings.
Citigroup’s normalized earnings estimate makes the bank attractive, Bove said. Though it will take time to return to the core business, Citi will have that time, he said, explaining why he is positive on the company’s outlook.
Citigroup is a Buy: Bove [CNBC]
Bailed Out CEOs Used Company Jets For Private Use Several Months Ago– How Does That Make You Feel?
By Bess LevinAngry? Steaming mad? As though you could kill a person with your bare hands? That’s what the Journal is hoping, which is presumably why they blasted this story in an News Alert last night, as though it JUST. COULDN’T. WAIT. Get a load of this: a bunch of CEOs whose company’s took TARP money used their firm’s jets for personal use after receiving the funds.
Like Ken Lewis. Two days after Christmas he flew to the Reynolds Plantation Resort in Greensboro, Georgia, which cost the taxpayer $5,300. And John Mack– on December 26 he flitted off to Wilmington, North Carolina, where he just so happens to own a beach front property, a trip which clocked in at about 8 large. Oh, and get a load of this: Sandy Weill borrowed Citi’s ride for a jaunt to Mexico for a New Year’s bash which, yes, you already knew but still, doesn’t it just make your blood boil? Is there huge vein in your forehead about to burst? Are you about to rip off your shirt Hulk-style and either march on down to Ken Lewis’s desk and knock everything off in a rage that would’ve been more effective if you’d gotten the office right, or send a strongly worded email to Mack, subject line: UNACCEPTABLE?
Stanford Is Indicted In Fraud, Surrenders (WSJ)
As expected, Allen Stanford was charged yesterday with possibly running a Ponzi scheme. He was arrested outside his girlfriend’s home in Virginia, which is somewhat disappointing, compared to the scene that could’ve gone down had the authorities cuffed him at the gym.
Ex-Merrill Trio Discussed Buying Back Bank (FT)
Dan Tully, former Merrill chief executive; Launny Steffens, former head of Merrill’s private client business; and Winthrop Smith Jr, son of one of Merrill’s co-founders showed up on Ken Lewis’s doorstep earlier this year asking or all or some of the bank back. Obviously they got shot down and obviously Ken Lewis is kicking himself and shout “Stupid, Lewis, stupid” circa now.
Switzerland Looks At Cutting Size Of Banks (FT)
In order to stem risks posed by the inevitable failures of UBS and Credit Suisse.
SEC Weighs Hedge Fund Registration (WSJ)
“It’s something still being talked about,” Mary Schapiro said in an interview.
Citigroup’s CEO Deserves More Patience (NYT)
He’s made some mistakes, but Vikram Pandit didn’t get Citi in the hole it currently resides in, and more importantly, he’s not as bad as Ken Lewis, who you’ll note still has a job.
$$$ Credit Suisse Traders Keep Rockin’ Through Firings [Bloomberg]
$$$ Pink Elephant Southampton Files For Bankruptcy [Cityfile]
$$$ Rats play odds in gambling tests [BBC]
$$$ Barclays urged to dump ‘casino bank’ [Daily Mail]
$$$ The NYSE‘s Sarah Palin Shrine [AWL]
$$$ Bankruptcy Epitaphs 2009 [TRB]
