Re: will Bernie be made Bubba’s bitch, we personally believe Ponzi Boy will get in to the heads of the biggest guys on the block, break them down mentally and emotionally, and ultimately be seen as the inmate you don’t wanna fuck with. The Journal spoke with prison expert Alan Ellis earlier, who thinks that might not be the case:
Just because someone is high-profile doesn’t necessarily mean that safety is an issue, right?
Right. I mean, Michael Vick was high profile, but was he in danger? I highly doubt it. He’s a sports hero and he’s, physically speaking, a big guy. But with Madoff, something else could factor in. There’s an expression in prison that gets applied to prisoners — “mice who want to become rats” — which essentially refers to wanting to increase your stature in prison, or “making your bones.” One way an inmate might “make his bones” is by hurting Bernie Madoff.
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Bernie didn’t get the 12 years he was hoping for, instead going downtown for 150. Effectively a life sentence, though spawns of satan tend to live longer than the rest of us so no promises he won’t get out in 2159 and live the greatest 3-5 years of his life. We don’t yet know where he’ll be bunking, but even if it’s the hardcorest of FPMITA prisons, I don’t see him having that bad a time, and in fact possibly downright enjoying himself. It’s not like he’s some young guy who’ll be all regretful about not getting to live a full life, and up until December, he had a pretty great run, what with the vacay houses, yachts and for pay handies. So. Putting yourself in Ponz’s shoes:
Bernie Madoff has hurt a lot of people. He’s supposedly upset and apologetic over the pain he’s caused but let’s get real for two secs: he doesn’t give rat’s ass. He doesn’t know these people, he doesn’t care about them, he cannot stand Footlose and above all, buddy boy’s motto is “lookin’ out for number one.” According to witnesses at the courthouse, Ponzi-B didn’t seem that broken up when he was making his statement and there might’ve even been a gesture resembling a shrug while his victims, who he had his back to, were telling their stories. At this time, a lot of you are probably wondering what it’s gonna take to penetrate this guy. In advance of whatever Bubba’s got in store, we’re thinking we’ve got the answer. Obviously, we’re talking about Gary Busey, and obviously we’re talking about the fact that because of Bernie, The Buse was robbed.
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The Bernie blame game has taken on an interesting twist courtesy of the French. Even though the Ponz duped every investor and regulator not named Harry Markopolos, the French market regulator has pointed the finger at UBS for their role as custodian for a fund specifically designed to invest with Madoff. For those who were surprised that a fund which was set up to invest nearly 100% of its assets with a single manager presented some potential risks, this could be your chance to have somebody else pay for your mistakes.
Far be it from any regulatory body to pay up for their own ineptitude, the French regulator places the blame squarely on the shoulders of the crime fighting gang in the custody unit. Should that fail, regulators can always recommend going after Bic for their glaring lack of risk management in providing the ink that enabled people to sign their names on Madoff-related documents.
UBS Should Repay Madoff Investor Losses, Agency Says [Bloomberg]
Lady MacMadoff is out with a statement of apology, having broken her silence on account of the fact that, weirdly, people have interpreted it as “indifference” or “a lack of sympathy.” That could not be further from the truth! She cares, she cares deeply! Also something that could not be further from the truth is the suspicion she’s suddenly full of sorry’s after it’s become apparent there’s a chance she might get in some trubs for a possible role in the whole scam. Or the matter of no one wanting to rent her an apartment and the fact that girlfriend needing a place to stay a-sap. And a good dye-job. And some flowers. And some friends. And some accomplices to come with when she eggs sons Andy and Mark’s houses. None of these needs are the reason she’s opening up. None of them!
Getting down to brass tacks, Ruth’s had two thoughts since the guy who ruined her life confessed: first, that a bunch of people would be negatively affected and second, that the life she’d known with her husband for 50 years was “over.” Boom. Roasted. Anyway, Bernie? Fuck that guy. Really. Still really can’t even believe how badly he screwed me err– I mean us. We’re in this together, people. I think I’ve made a pretty good start ingratiating myself to you with this letter but I realize you’ll probably want more so please use this as a forum to let me know how I can help. Would some dish on Little Bernie, and his shortcomings help?
I am breaking my silence now, because my reluctance to speak has been interpreted as indifference or lack of sympathy for the victims of my husband Bernie’s crime, which is exactly the opposite of the truth.
From the moment I learned from my husband that he had committed an enormous fraud, I have had two thoughts — first, that so many people who trusted him would be ruined financially and emotionally, and second, that my life with the man I have known for over 50 years was over. Many of my husband’s investors were my close friends and family. And in the days since December, I have read, with immense pain, the wrenching stories of people whose life savings have evaporated because of his crime.
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First off: damn Bernie Madoff to hell, for stealing D.Rat’s thunder. If it were not for that Ponzi loving fuck, all eyes would have been on this majestic talking head at his first day on the new job, and not over at CNBC where someone‘s former colleagues were probably giddy over the fact that everyone forgot about the significance of this day in history. Second, thank you to a certain prostie banging former Love Gov for demonstrating a little loyalty. Apparently getting you guys to make the jump from one GE-owned network to another is going to be harder than D.Rat thought, but he’s willing to work for it. What do you want? Dupre guesting? Macke fluffing? Dirt on K.Fine? He’ll do anything. Name your price.
For those in the ‘CDS are weapons of financial mass destruction’ camp, today is not your day. Due to the prevalence of major industrialized countries putting their fiscal problems on their credit cards and turning themselves into emerging market nations, Markit plans to launch four news indices focused on sovereign default risk. While the sovereign CDS market used to be focused on places like Brazil and Russia, in a few months you’ll be able to trade the solvency of the G7 and Western Europe – assuming you can find somebody to go long.
New indices to trade in sovereign default risk [FT]
That was the opening sentence from Ponzi Boy’s remarks. Excuse me? Excuse you! Come up with something. I want to see you dance. Come up with something. Did Ruth make you do it? Your Argentine lover? Charlie Gasparino? A tapeworm? Come up with something.
Oh, and lawyer Sorkin is still saying his client was cooperative and that there’s a chance that, with Big B’s help, they can recover $13.2 billion.
Update: Apparently rhetorical questions are going to be the name of today’s game. “How can you excuse deceiving your wife of 50 years?” “How can you excuse deceiving industry you helped build?” “How can you excuse lying to your sons and employees?”
Update II: He’s full of shame and torment. Guilt. Shit. Ruth cries every night. Larry Kudlow wants him waterboarded.
Update III: Bernie tried to get out but dug himself deeper and deeper, and you know how these things just take on a life of their own.
Update IV: Judge Chin is not on board with the argument that Mades has been cooperative which may indicate he’s leaning closer to 150 years than he is to 12. He’s calling the crime “extraordinary evil” which is probs a good sign.
The Bank for International Settlements has radioed in with its doomed-to-fail regulatory proposal for financial products. Following in the footsteps of an industry that has done a stellar job limiting access to potentially harmful and addictive products, the BIS wants to use pharmaceuticals as a template for financial products.
“In a scheme analogous to the hierarchy controlling the availability of pharmaceuticals, the safest securities would, like non-prescription medicines, be available for purchase by everyone,” the BIS, which acts as a forum for the world’s central banks, said in its annual report.
“Next would be financial instruments available only to those with an authorization, like prescription drugs; another level down would be securities available only in limited amounts to pre-screened individuals and institutions, like drugs in experimental trials,” the BIS said.
“Finally, at the lowest level would be securities that are deemed illegal.”
Incredibly, by advocating supply restrictions on certain products, the BIS may have found a way for the boxes-and-arrows crowd to make even more money on structured products.
BIS wants financial products ranked like medicines [Reuters]
After Judge Denny Chin lays a sentence that is “reasonable” on Bernie Madoff’s ass, victims will be holding a rally at Foley Square– the site of Don Emilio Barzini’s murder– across from the courthouse. For those of you feeling anger towards Big B right now, you’ll probably find some kindred spirits who’ll be more than happy to burn a Bernie hair doll in effigy. Could also be a good place to pick up chicks. Either/or.
