Archive for June 2009

  • 29 Jun 2009 at 11:33 AM

Madoff Gets 150 Years

Apparently Judge Denny Chin was most sickened by a letter from an investor who wrote that after her husband died Bernie put his arms around her and said “your money’s safe with me.” Under/over on how long before CNBC labels the verdict a green shoot?

Picture 1574.pngThat was the opening sentence from Ponzi Boy’s remarks. Excuse me? Excuse you! Come up with something. I want to see you dance. Come up with something. Did Ruth make you do it? Your Argentine lover? Charlie Gasparino? A tapeworm? Come up with something.
Oh, and lawyer Sorkin is still saying his client was cooperative and that there’s a chance that, with Big B’s help, they can recover $13.2 billion.
Update: Apparently rhetorical questions are going to be the name of today’s game. “How can you excuse deceiving your wife of 50 years?” “How can you excuse deceiving industry you helped build?” “How can you excuse lying to your sons and employees?”
Update II: He’s full of shame and torment. Guilt. Shit. Ruth cries every night. Larry Kudlow wants him waterboarded.
Update III: Bernie tried to get out but dug himself deeper and deeper, and you know how these things just take on a life of their own.
Update IV: Judge Chin is not on board with the argument that Mades has been cooperative which may indicate he’s leaning closer to 150 years than he is to 12. He’s calling the crime “extraordinary evil” which is probs a good sign.

  • 29 Jun 2009 at 10:46 AM

BIS Aims To Create Financial Product Pharmacist

Pharmacist.jpgThe Bank for International Settlements has radioed in with its doomed-to-fail regulatory proposal for financial products. Following in the footsteps of an industry that has done a stellar job limiting access to potentially harmful and addictive products, the BIS wants to use pharmaceuticals as a template for financial products.

“In a scheme analogous to the hierarchy controlling the availability of pharmaceuticals, the safest securities would, like non-prescription medicines, be available for purchase by everyone,” the BIS, which acts as a forum for the world’s central banks, said in its annual report.
“Next would be financial instruments available only to those with an authorization, like prescription drugs; another level down would be securities available only in limited amounts to pre-screened individuals and institutions, like drugs in experimental trials,” the BIS said.
“Finally, at the lowest level would be securities that are deemed illegal.”

Incredibly, by advocating supply restrictions on certain products, the BIS may have found a way for the boxes-and-arrows crowd to make even more money on structured products.
BIS wants financial products ranked like medicines [Reuters]

  • 29 Jun 2009 at 10:33 AM

Cancel Your Lunch Plans

After Judge Denny Chin lays a sentence that is “reasonable” on Bernie Madoff’s ass, victims will be holding a rally at Foley Square– the site of Don Emilio Barzini’s murder– across from the courthouse. For those of you feeling anger towards Big B right now, you’ll probably find some kindred spirits who’ll be more than happy to burn a Bernie hair doll in effigy. Could also be a good place to pick up chicks. Either/or.

  • 29 Jun 2009 at 10:08 AM

Bonus Watch ’09: Citi

Today in Monday Morning Hilarity: we’re to believe that second tier, first year analysts at Citi are getting $42k. Could this possibly be true? Is Vikram just saying “fuck it, I dare them to fire me?” (in which case we feel an deep kinship with Pandito at this time). Are they banking Geithner not having the pair to actually do something about it, or the fact that they’ll be out of business in less than a year anyway (I kid but seriously: anything could happen)? Or is this less likely than Prince Alwaleed sending everyone a pony and button down to match?

  • 29 Jun 2009 at 9:55 AM

A Green Shoot From The BRIC Saviors

putin_judo_dvd.jpgLife in Russia must be a lot better than the consensus belief. Faced with an economy expected to contract close to 8% this year and comically reliant on high commodity prices, the government decided that now was a good time to throw 400,000 people out of a job in the name of clean living. Back in 2006, then president Vladimir Putin started on a campaign to clean up Russia’s gambling industry. On July 1st, every casino in the country is being shut down, thereby eliminating close to half a million jobs.
Having dismissed the notion that the overly leveraged US consumer is going to lead the world out of the economic abyss, many have shifted their attention to the BRIC countries. If the world is seriously pinning their hopes (in part) on a government currently contemplating bailing out large banks rotting from bad loans by taking board seats and willing to voluntarily place hundreds of thousands of people into unemployment, the BIC countries better pick up the pace.

  • 29 Jun 2009 at 9:39 AM

Guesstimate Bernie Madoff’s Sentence

Picture 1611.pngAhead of the 10AM moment of truth, make your best guess now, Price Is Right style. Closest without going over will receive your choice of either a) a DealBreaker mug or b) a headshot signed by Charlie Gasparino. For reference, prosecutors want 150, Team Bernie wants 12.
Oh, just so you know:

In a letter to the court, Ira Sorkin, Madoff’s attorney, made an initial recommendation of a 12-year prison term, one year short of what Sorkin asserts to be Madoff’s life expectancy. What the letter does not point out — but what Judge Chin surely knows — is that a sentence of 12 years would actually only add up to about 9 years in federal prison. Here’s the math: Madoff has served over 3 months already, and under the federal Bureau of Prisons rules, he gets a 15% reduction for good time, which could deduct about 21 more months from the sentence. Finally, under the recently enacted Second Chance Act, he could even serve the last year of his term in home confinement if a pilot program becomes the norm — leaving about 9 years in federal prison.

Update: Judge Chin has put it out there that the federal probation department is recommending 50 years, without commenting whether or not he feels that’d be a reasonable sentence or if they ought to GTFO.

  • 29 Jun 2009 at 9:25 AM

What Is Ruth Madoff Going To Do?

Picture 1610.pngBernie might get 150 years at today’s (10AM!) sentencing (or he might get a very reasonable 12) but clearly it’s Lady MacMadoff who’s about to get fucked up with some truth. First off, regardless of what the accommodations will be like, Ponz. Boy at least knows he definitely has a place to live for the next decade or so, whereas Ruth is two shakes away from being homeless. The penthouse at East 64th Street is getting sold, and apparently no one will rent her an apartment. She can’t move in with one of her sons, because Andy and Mark (who’ve ceased referring to her as “mom” opting instead for the cold as ice “Ruth”) want nothing to do with the woman who went through a combined 40 hours of labor to bring a pair of ungrateful fish boys into the world. She has no friends left (or florists, or colorists), so it’s not like there’s even the possibility of a pull-out couch situation. The only lead she’s got is a Rego Park studio, and even that will be tough to land.

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