Of our nation’s hell-holes that is, by which we of course mean places like AIG, Citi, Bank of America, Freddie Mac, etc. The Journal looks into the situation today and discovers that while some of these institutions are in need of a new guy or lady up top, nobody capable has come forward and pledged to work ’round the clock to fix the places for an annual salary of $1, a bunch of worthless stock, and the opportunity to have Maxine Waters shout at them in ǃ’OǃKung about a perceived role in late-night field trips with Goldman Sachs to dig up parakeet carcasses and suck out their essence.
Archive for June 2009
Citigroup Has Plan To Fatten Salaries (NYT)
Pandit’s people can expect a raise in base pay by as much as 50 percent this year in order to– see if you can guess where this is going– offset smaller bonuses. Under this scenario, according to the Times, “most Citigroup employees will make as much money as they did in 2008, although some might earn more and others less,” so get excited for one of those three outcomes, though not so much the last.
Union Calls on Morgan to Reverse Raises for Top Earners (WSJ)
“We urge you to return base salaries to their previous levels and … reward executives for long-term value creation, not just showing up for work.”
Memphis Is Site Of Jobs’s Liver Transplant (WSJ)
Now that we’ve identified The Methodist University Hospital Transplant Institute it’s up to one of you to create some sort of bus tour, which would probably be pretty popular. (“This is the cafeteria where Jobs’s jello was prepared and up ahead we’ll show you the room in which he got hooked up to a catheter. Not one of those used ones they’re always advertising on CNBC but the Rolls Royce of catheters. This is Steve Jobs we’re talking about, after all.”)
NYSE Loses Trades Fastest in a Year and Nasdaq Isn’t the Winner (Bloomberg)
“…a record low 30.2 percent of May’s trades, data compiled by Bloomberg show. That’s down 2.8 points from February for the worst three months since June 2008. The beneficiary wasn’t Nasdaq OMX Group Inc., the Big Board’s main rival for 38 years. It was Direct Edge Holdings LLC and Bats Exchange Inc., which more than doubled their combined share since August to 22.8 percent.”
New York Times Considers Paid Access To Mobile News (Bloomberg)
Since someone, let’s call it the NYT, is desperate for cash anyway they can get it and Gretchen Morgenson’s trick turning days are over.
Allen Stanford detention hearing set for Thursday (Reuters)
Hopefully he’ll threaten to punch a reporter in the mouth outside the courthouse.
Margaret Brennan Jumps from CNBC to Bloomberg (TVNewser)
Insiders say she’s being named an anchor, which is nice.
JPMorgan Is On Top Of The World, RBS Not So Much (Reuters)
Rankings by British magazine The Banker somewhat suspect, given Bank of America and Citi’s spots at numbers two and three for “strongest.”
$$$ Stanford Leroy King Regulator Leroy King Is Relieved Of Duties [Reuters]
$$$ On The Matter Of That Harvard MBA Oath [The Deal]
$$$ Madoff Client Jeffry Picower Netted $5 Billion — Likely More Than Madoff Himself [pro publica]
$$$ Here are some interesting claims: first, that “a new set of cases of H1N1 are [specifically] expected to hit financial centers in the fall and winter” and second, that “organizations, in particular hedge funds, need to be well prepared for a pandemic.” This is apparently because HF’s “conduct business during trading hours.” [WST]
$$$ News Bernie Madoff and Allen Stanford will probably be able to use: prison rape stats [Chronicle]
Hedge funds that still have redemption restrictions are starting to get an earful from all sides. The decision by some of the usual suspects such as Citadel and Harbinger to continue to maintain total or partial redemption restrictions in certain funds has even drawn the ire of fellow managers.
“This is just wrong,” wrote Paul Touradji, of Touradji Capital Management LP, in his 2008 year-end letter. “It’s not good for our industry and it’s hurtful to our partners who will have less money to invest because of other managers’ losses, poor practices and the domino effect this sets off.”
But investors who are fuming that their money is still tied up should take some minor comfort. At least they haven’t been completely dehumanized by having the legendary Golden Tree payment-in-toxic-sludge-kind redemption program thrown in their face.
Withdrawal Limits Remain Despite Hedge Funds’ Rise [WSJ]
And is it because of dated (and ridiculous) rules that do not allow for interspecies conjugal visits in the big house? Maybe and definitely.
Sam Israel Vanishes Again! [Cityfile]
As you’re all sadly aware, Ed McMahon is dead. Despite rumors that EMcM’s Bevery Hills home was going to be foreclosed on by Countrywide, after the entertainer fell behind $644,000 on his $4.8 million mortgage due to the fact that he was unable to work having been bedridden with a broken neck, an unnamed private investor bought the place, which McMahon and his wife have been renting. Presumably Mrs. McMahon will relocate and the home will be sold, leaving us with two question, however morbid to ask. 1) Will Ed’s passing up the value of the manse and 2) Will Angelo Mozilo, who has been looking for more friends and less death threats these days, do the right thing and buy the place? And turn it into an Ed McMahon memorabilia museum/gift shop, which would probably at least ingratiate him to a handful of Star Search fans, and get those rat bastards at the NYT and WSJ to finally write something nice about him (obviously the FT‘s in the can)?
Earlier: New Emails Emerge From The Ed McMahon Foreclosure File
Among the bills that GM may need to pay with their additional $30 billion infusion are massive fees due to two of the only big winners in the GM debacle, Evercore Partners and turnaround consultants AlixPartners. For their impressive work overseeing the automaker’s complete collapse, Evercore and AlixPartners are seeking fees totalling a cool $130 million, which includes a combined $30.9 million in success fees. But the US Trustee overseeing the bankruptcy thinks the “staggering” and “excessive” fees aren’t well deserved and is worried about one of AlixPartners’ fees in particular. As a token of its appreciation, GM agreed to pay the firm a “discretionary fee” that has “no boundaries in amount and scope” and no clear method of calculation.
Trustee Objects to Fees for G.M. Advisers [Dealbook]
“Massive” layoffs are said to be going down at Barclays circa now, affecting equities at all levels but especially first and second years. Apparently not everyone was brought up to speed that there’d be any whackings today– one victim’s boss (and his boss’s boss) had no idea about the layoffs, with the global head calling a bunch of employees into his office and letting them know they were getting canned due to “restructuring and non-performance based” reasons, without telling their direct managers first.
Update: One employee says it’s rumored the cuts, which started yesterday but “went into full swing today” will continue until next Friday and will be “rather substantial.”
From the people who brought you in-flight blow jobs (for pay in economy, for free in business), comes another outside the box idea. Bloomberg reports that Ryanair will ban passengers from traveling with check-in luggage. While you won’t be able to bring anything that can’t fit in an overhead compartment, it will be a relative free for all when it comes to carry-on bags, where the airline will apply no limit. For those of you worried about some asshole loading 12 bags of his own up top, do not fear. According to CEO Michael O’Leary the change, which will apparently save $28 million a year, will not mean “the end of civilization as we know it” and if you sufficiently bitch and moan about it enough, he’ll probably throw in a BJ for free, regardless of your seat.
1. He came clean all by himself
2. He’s been a good boy
3. He didn’t kill anyone, per se
4. He’s going to be dead in 13. 12 would practically be putting him away for life.
Affording due consideration to Mr. Madoff’s voluntary surrender, full acceptance of his responsibility, meaningful cooperation efforts, and in light of the non-violent nature of his offense, Mr. Madoff should be sentenced to a term just short of effective life imprisonment. Mr. Madoff is 71 years old and has an approximate life expectancy of 13 years. A prison term of 12 years–just short of an effective life sentence — will sufficiently address the goals of deterrence, and promoting respect for the law without being “greater than necessary” to achieve them.
Bernie Madoff’s Lawyers Would Like Him to Celebrate His Last Birthday Out of Prison [Daily Intel]
