Red Bull’s Secret Ingredient Not So Secret Any More

red_bull_logo.gifThe undisputed king of the energy drink market appears to have tipped its hand and revealed exactly what it is about Red Bull that gives you wings. Officials in Hong Kong found traces of coke in several cans of the heart exploding beverage yesterday. A spokesman for Red Bull then issued a statement which explained, in no uncertain terms, that there is no way any nose candy made its way into the drink and offered a clear explanation for the confusion.

“It would have been absolutely impossible for Asian (or any other) authorities to have found traces of cocaine in Red Bull Energy Drink,” the company said in a statement. “We believe that Asian authorities mistakenly applied concerns about Red Bull Simply Cola to Red Bull Energy Drink, a completely different product with an entirely different formula.”

This comes one week after traces of coke were discovered in the winged beverage in Austria. Fears of consumers overdosing were put to rest when spokeswoman Sigrid Rosenberger said the levels were right around the detection limit. The company then went on to say that its Red Bull Cola is, “harmless and marketable in both the US and Europe.” No argument here.

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66 Responses to “Red Bull’s Secret Ingredient Not So Secret Any More”

  1. guest says:

    Lame job it is to be a paid commenter.

  2. Anal_yst says:

    Germany bro, it was Germany…

  3. guest says:

    I can’t believe I snorted the whole 8-ball, but I need to be up man, looking for the news, trying to be funny, Bess is pissed that I haven’t started producing already, this isn’t like a credit derivative desk where its like one trade a day, this shit if fucking crazy, it’s stories all the time, I’m thinking meth…
    -Greg’s Id

  4. guest says:

    I am snorting a Red Bull out of my secretary’s ass right now.

  5. guest says:

    this explains the twitching

  6. guest says:

    I am pounding my secretary in the ass and drinking a red bull at the same time.

  7. guest says:

    Hi Greg!
    I still hate you, and everyone named Greg.
    Very truly yours,
    Porker Stansberry

  8. guest says:

    what in the name of god does this have to do with finance?
    this shit was on drudgereport! greg michaels is simply pasting garbage stories off of drudgereport!
    this must end.

  9. guest says:

    Too high; didn’t read.

  10. guest says:

    Everyone on the Street drinks Red Bull and then pounds their secretary in the ass. That is why this has been posted.
    Nick Leeson

  11. guest says:

    @8: what in the name of god does this have to do with finance?
    Almost every young 20-something investment banking associate / powerpoint monkey I know drinks Red Bull constantly.

  12. guest says:

    “Nose Candy” So 80’s…

  13. guest says:

    Greg, you should be sentenced to death by SnuSnu.

  14. guest says:

    Greggia, if you life’s desire was to write for Fashionista, this post would do you well.

  15. guest says:

    This was first up on Drudge yesterday. Way to be on top of things, g^m

  16. guest says:

    @11 yes, greg, and every young 20-something eats sandwiches too, should you start posting stories about tainted meat? howabout lunch coupons, everyone that reads dealbreaker eats lunch!

  17. guest says:

    “Nose Candy” So 80’s…

  18. guest says:

    @16 – hey, I wouldn’t mind a regular dealbreaker feature on lunch for people who work in the financial industry, but has already got that beat covered.

  19. Clown Capital says:

    Your uncle George called. He said you’re embarrasing him.
    Oh yeah, he also said come out the closet already.
    Your Friend (but not in that way),
    Clown Capital

  20. guest says:

    @18 i know! i love that site!

  21. guest says:

    I kind of like Greg. I say lets feed him, buy him some new clothes and make a project out of him.

  22. guest says:

    It was pulled in Germany last week for the same reason-,2933,521870,00.html?test=latestnews
    Way to be on top of your game, Greggie.

  23. guest says:

    Who is Louis Zaccareli?

  24. HeadlessHorseman says:

    Stop it.

  25. guest says:

    Wow – I have not seen this much
    “Greg-hating” in one place since the Johnny Bravo episode of the Brady Bunch!

  26. guest says:

    Leave him alone.

  27. guest says:

    Greggers needs to take a permanent siesta or be on the receiving end of a burmese-mountain spin kick.

  28. guest says:

    Don’t let them bother you Greg, you’re doing fine. They’re just bored and cranky. Probably underemployed and possibly even unemployed and taking it all out on you.

  29. guest says:

    I once saw Greg beat somebody up with a Starfish!

  30. guest says:

    I’ve always hated Red Bull… until just now.

  31. guest says:

    Coked up Red Bull is for closers!
    -Nominate me

  32. guest says:

    What will happen to Redbull’s terrible F1 team?

  33. guest says:

    @28 don’t forget they’re all hopped up on the coke laced redbull

  34. guest says:
    A Starbucks coffee is worse, even with the booger sugar

  35. guest says:

    All of you leave him alone!! Leave him alone this instant!! Greg – you are the Best – do not forget that!!! The Best!!!!

  36. guest says:

    @35 – well played. HT to you.

  37. hedge says:

    Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

  38. guest says:

    Greg is currently being pounded in the ass by a secretary who purchased a can of red bull for her boss

  39. guest says:

    Tyrone Biggums here for the 1:15 crack giveaway!!!

  40. guest says:

    @11: What does “young 20-something investment banking associate” have to do with finance?

  41. guest says:

    If I wrote for DB, I simply wouldn’t ever read comments. Problem solved.

  42. guest says:

    @40, FTW.

  43. guest says:

    Greggers put all of his best clients in Teldar Paper

  44. guest says:

    @43, FTL.

  45. blndebnker says:

    @42 I would disagree. Going to have to go with @35 FTW.

  46. guest says:

    Louis Zaccareli FTW

  47. guest says:

    @32 Red Bulls “terrible” F1 team is currently second in the constructor’s championship and has signed arguably the best new talent in the sport: Sebastian Vettel.
    Try again but thanks for playing.

  48. guest says:

    i wish i could punch you in the mouth… but it would be considered a hate crime.

  49. guest says:

    32 c’mon Vettel won one for them, and there 2nd in the constructors and drivers championships. You want a shiity F1 team? Give some Red bull to BMW; they could use it by the boatload.

  50. guest says:

    Because Greg is black, right?

  51. Becky Boot Fan says:

    RedBalls…cocaine in a can, baby!

  52. guest says:

    @47: If you’re not first, you’re last. Tnx.

  53. guest says:

    At least the next time bankers go testify at a house or senate commitee they can chaulk up the financial crisis to ‘banking under the influence’ or BUI. Or maybe this was a giant Red Bull conspiracy to bring down western capitalism, which would be a great movie plot

  54. guest says:

    @53: makings for Wall Street III

  55. guest says:

    I get it 52, you’re a Nascar fan. Rubbin’ is racin’.

  56. guest says:

    47, 49
    True, Redbull/ Renault is doing well, this year. As happens every few years in F1, the majors will take the backseat and minor teams will take the lead (Redbull/ Renault is a minor team). Where will Redbull/ Renault be next year? Where were they in years past? Consistency counts and they just don’t have it.

  57. guest says:

    @4 FTW, obvi, no disrespect to 35, 40, 42 & 45.

  58. guest says:

    @56 RBR’s still a somewhat new team, but they seem committed financially. It takes time to develop a chassis (this isn’t NASCAR).
    Further, with budget caps inevitable, retaining key people will be more about atmosphere and team culture rather than cash.
    -tifoso (47)

  59. guest says:

    @56 RBR’s still a somewhat new team, but they seem committed financially. It takes time to develop a chassis (this isn’t NASCAR).
    Further, with budget caps inevitable, retaining key people will be more about atmosphere and team culture rather than cash.
    -tifoso (47)

  60. guest says:

    cut the bull! “Put the coca back in Coca-Cola” Drug Policy Alliance (DPA) Ethan Nadelmann says. Coca leaf is ancient medicine. We demand accurate food and drug labeling, an end to prohibition. Here’s the “strong and natural” RB ad featuring coca leaf: