Melissa Francis recently put it out there that she'd love to land a hot, dumb, young male co-host. Basically, a "pool boy," she said. Many of you expressed interest in the gig, so we asked Mel to give us a little more info re: what the job would entail. Here's what she told us:
* First off, this will be a threesome deal. You'll have two bosses, one being Francis, the other being Contessa Brewer, MF's co-host when she moonlights on MSNBC, who wanted in on this business.
* Good working knowledge of Real Housewives and credit markets helpful, though not necessary. You're there to be a piece of meat, k?
* Ability to mix "creative cocktails" is a must, and to that end, Contessa says that Mojitos are preferable but the mint must be hand picked
* Shirts optional
* Skimpy thongs not necessarily desirable, as the girls are not looking for a "John Mayer in Borat bathing suit" situation. Costumes that flatter your figure is rule number one (and though this goes without saying, No Fatties)
* If low ratings become an issue, you'll be to blamed when Jeff Zucker comes a' calling, and, obviously, you will be punished accordingly
* As for money, you may need to be open to alternative forms of payment (including but no limited to personal training sessions with Charlie Gasparino, shopping/stylist services from Larry Kudlow, etc)
Any other questions? Let us know.
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:13PM
Hell yeah!!! I'll be the meat in that sandwich.
Surfer Dude
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:14PM
I got an interview for tomorrow, wish me luck.
Posted by MarshallStack , Jun 30, 2009 4:18PM
Will she keep her trap shut? The dullness rubs off.
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:20PM
I think I can I think I can I think I can.
-L Kudlow
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:22PM
I'm considering shooting her a res.
--john carney
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:22PM
her creepy eyes have definatly become a dealbreaker IMHO
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:24PM
Can't be any more demeaning than the things Bess Levin does to me.
-- Greg Michaels
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:24PM
Good job Greg. First decent post since your birth.
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:25PM
Are her eyes supposed to give you seizures if you look at them too long?
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:26PM
@2 Good luck, wait until she puts on the strap-on!
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:27PM
@8 Posted by Bess Levin, Jun 30, 2009, 4:10pm
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:27PM
Good job Greg. First decent post since your birth.
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:29PM
Those are some scary eyes. What the fuck is up with them?
Contacts?
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:32PM
Good job Greg. First decent post since your birth.
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:32PM
I think she was bitten by Maxine...
Posted by Investorcluzo , Jun 30, 2009 4:34PM
frog eyes...I hear they turn into alligator eyes after dark.
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:35PM
Who cares? That girl is pathetic.
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:36PM
@Cluzo
I guess she'll be spawning in a pond near you.
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 4:36PM
@17 = erin burnett
Posted by Investorcluzo , Jun 30, 2009 5:05PM
@18 - I'll take a session with the alligator eyes sans the spawning...
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 5:08PM
I am your new Pool Boy. Memo to file.
(1) Moonlit threesomes are a given for the Pool Boy. You should both bring your "A Game".
(2) Of course the Pool Boy has good working knowledge of "Real Housewives." He usually picks a few of them up at the market on Wednesdays for a nooner. Cash - no credit.
(3) Pool Boy is young, handsome, ripped and available to rock out sans shirt.
(4) Thongs are what you two ladies are going to be dropping off set when the Pool Boy proves he can charm both the ladies and the markets.
(5) Pool Boy is willing and able to be the "piece of meat" in your market wrap-up ... but nobody puts PB in the Octobox.
(6) Pool Boy is not familiar with "creative cocktails." Pool Boy takes his Macallan 25 neat. Write it down so you don't forget.
(7) Pool Boy will be the new killing it. Ratings will sky-rocket as hedgies (and Jeff Zucker) dare to live vicariously through the Pool Boy.
(8) Pool Boy needs no monetary compensation. He believes that (intimate) knowledge of Melissa Francis and Contessa Brewer is its own reward.
(9) Pool Boy Nation does not go to war (i.e., Englewood Cliffs, NJ) without the right equipment. See #6 above.
(10) Remember, there is always a bull market somewhere. And that "somewhere" is in the Pool Boy's pants.
Cheers,
PB
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 5:10PM
I am the "pocket pool" boy
- Chaz Gaspaculo
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 5:11PM
Why does 'MF' remind me of a common saying to someone really obnoxious?
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 5:12PM
Melissa is a real "SOUP CHICKEN"
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=soup+chicken
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 5:12PM
can @21 be a new dealbreaker contributor?
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 5:22PM
Pool Boy needs to start a blog of his own.
Posted by Investorcluzo , Jun 30, 2009 5:30PM
@PB F.T.MF.W! well played, I salute you.
Posted by Anal_yst , Jun 30, 2009 5:43PM
I just want to repeat my earlier comment, in case any of you've forgotten, I got dibs on dat asss (mouth, etc)...
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 5:51PM
@25-26. Thanks. But please remember that BL is your only God. PB@21
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 6:08PM
wow, dream job
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 6:11PM
dude, that's a dude
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 7:10PM
MF's personal life is so lonely she has to daydream on TV? She must suck in the sack...
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 7:25PM
I hear her heels are more round than her eyes
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 7:27PM
I don't like the cut of her jib.
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 7:35PM
Maybe she can give cohnjugal visits to Bernie since "Ruth the Tooth" can't afford
cab fare and a bar of soap............
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 7:38PM
On second look I like her. I'd take care of her and see to her every desire. Not sure about the eyes, though.
I'm especially impressed that she acted in "Little House on the Prairie" which is a show that sucked major donkeys asses.
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 9:25PM
Hi, it's The Great CNBC Sucks. This is off-topic for most people, but that's never stopped me. I finally saw Becky Quick in a sleeveless blouse this morning. I have been calling her "Hottie Flattie" on the Cranky Ritholtz blog, but I think "Hottie Fattie" applies also.
Becky Quick is a chick so hot, you don't care if her arms are flabby.
Wait, there's another nickname...Hottie Flabbie!
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 9:42PM
Would they be up for some A2M?
Cabana Boy
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 9:42PM
@37 in English please.
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 10:27PM
@39, you can learn English on my Web site, http://cnbcsucks.wordpress.com/
And oh, everyone can vote for Melissa Francis' bra size on the CNBC Bra Size Poll in the right sidebar.
Posted by e_anthony58 , Jun 30, 2009 11:38PM
Ain't she married?
What is this? Real Housewives of NBC Universal???
Posted by guest , Jun 30, 2009 11:48PM
@21- Seriously dude, you've been killing it lately. More 'Deadliest Banker' posts if you can.
SPODE
Posted by flaunt , Jul 01, 2009 11:42AM
furby and friends
Posted by guest , Jul 01, 2009 2:49PM
Um, are you saying that Jeff Zucker will be administering all punishment or can I look forward to receiving some discipline and structure from Contessa too?
Posted by guest , Jul 11, 2009 8:35AM
I'll do it as long as they start to dress more like the women on FOX and do more cut away shots of their greased up legs.