Melissa Francis recently put it out there that she’d love to land a hot, dumb, young male co-host. Basically, a “pool boy,” she said. Many of you expressed interest in the gig, so we asked Mel to give us a little more info re: what the job would entail. Here’s what she told us:
* First off, this will be a threesome deal. You’ll have two bosses, one being Francis, the other being Contessa Brewer, MF’s co-host when she moonlights on MSNBC, who wanted in on this business.
* Good working knowledge of Real Housewives and credit markets helpful, though not necessary. You’re there to be a piece of meat, k?
* Ability to mix “creative cocktails” is a must, and to that end, Contessa says that Mojitos are preferable but the mint must be hand picked
* Shirts optional
* Skimpy thongs not necessarily desirable, as the girls are not looking for a “John Mayer in Borat bathing suit” situation. Costumes that flatter your figure is rule number one (and though this goes without saying, No Fatties)
* If low ratings become an issue, you’ll be to blamed when Jeff Zucker comes a’ calling, and, obviously, you will be punished accordingly
* As for money, you may need to be open to alternative forms of payment (including but no limited to personal training sessions with Charlie Gasparino, shopping/stylist services from Larry Kudlow, etc)
Any other questions? Let us know.
Hell yeah!!! I’ll be the meat in that sandwich.
Surfer Dude
I got an interview for tomorrow, wish me luck.
Will she keep her trap shut? The dullness rubs off.
I think I can I think I can I think I can.
-L Kudlow
I’m considering shooting her a res.
–john carney
her creepy eyes have definatly become a dealbreaker IMHO
Can’t be any more demeaning than the things Bess Levin does to me.
– Greg Michaels
Good job Greg. First decent post since your birth.
Are her eyes supposed to give you seizures if you look at them too long?
@2 Good luck, wait until she puts on the strap-on!
@8 Posted by Bess Levin, Jun 30, 2009, 4:10pm
Good job Greg. First decent post since your birth.
Those are some scary eyes. What the fuck is up with them?
Contacts?
Good job Greg. First decent post since your birth.
I think she was bitten by Maxine…
frog eyes…I hear they turn into alligator eyes after dark.
Who cares? That girl is pathetic.
@Cluzo
I guess she’ll be spawning in a pond near you.
@17 = erin burnett
@18 – I’ll take a session with the alligator eyes sans the spawning…
I am your new Pool Boy. Memo to file.
(1) Moonlit threesomes are a given for the Pool Boy. You should both bring your “A Game”.
(2) Of course the Pool Boy has good working knowledge of “Real Housewives.” He usually picks a few of them up at the market on Wednesdays for a nooner. Cash – no credit.
(3) Pool Boy is young, handsome, ripped and available to rock out sans shirt.
(4) Thongs are what you two ladies are going to be dropping off set when the Pool Boy proves he can charm both the ladies and the markets.
(5) Pool Boy is willing and able to be the “piece of meat” in your market wrap-up … but nobody puts PB in the Octobox.
(6) Pool Boy is not familiar with “creative cocktails.” Pool Boy takes his Macallan 25 neat. Write it down so you don’t forget.
(7) Pool Boy will be the new killing it. Ratings will sky-rocket as hedgies (and Jeff Zucker) dare to live vicariously through the Pool Boy.
(8) Pool Boy needs no monetary compensation. He believes that (intimate) knowledge of Melissa Francis and Contessa Brewer is its own reward.
(9) Pool Boy Nation does not go to war (i.e., Englewood Cliffs, NJ) without the right equipment. See #6 above.
(10) Remember, there is always a bull market somewhere. And that “somewhere” is in the Pool Boy’s pants.
Cheers,
PB
I am the “pocket pool” boy
- Chaz Gaspaculo
Why does ‘MF’ remind me of a common saying to someone really obnoxious?
Melissa is a real “SOUP CHICKEN”
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=soup+chicken
can @21 be a new dealbreaker contributor?
Pool Boy needs to start a blog of his own.
@PB F.T.MF.W! well played, I salute you.
I just want to repeat my earlier comment, in case any of you’ve forgotten, I got dibs on dat asss (mouth, etc)…
@25-26. Thanks. But please remember that BL is your only God. PB@21
wow, dream job
dude, that’s a dude
MF’s personal life is so lonely she has to daydream on TV? She must suck in the sack…
I hear her heels are more round than her eyes
I don’t like the cut of her jib.
Maybe she can give cohnjugal visits to Bernie since “Ruth the Tooth” can’t afford
cab fare and a bar of soap…………
On second look I like her. I’d take care of her and see to her every desire. Not sure about the eyes, though.
I’m especially impressed that she acted in “Little House on the Prairie” which is a show that sucked major donkeys asses.
Hi, it’s The Great CNBC Sucks. This is off-topic for most people, but that’s never stopped me. I finally saw Becky Quick in a sleeveless blouse this morning. I have been calling her “Hottie Flattie” on the Cranky Ritholtz blog, but I think “Hottie Fattie” applies also.
Becky Quick is a chick so hot, you don’t care if her arms are flabby.
Wait, there’s another nickname…Hottie Flabbie!
Would they be up for some A2M?
Cabana Boy
@37 in English please.
@39, you can learn English on my Web site, http://cnbcsucks.wordpress.com/
And oh, everyone can vote for Melissa Francis’ bra size on the CNBC Bra Size Poll in the right sidebar.
Ain’t she married?
What is this? Real Housewives of NBC Universal???
@21- Seriously dude, you’ve been killing it lately. More ‘Deadliest Banker’ posts if you can.
SPODE
furby and friends
Um, are you saying that Jeff Zucker will be administering all punishment or can I look forward to receiving some discipline and structure from Contessa too?
I’ll do it as long as they start to dress more like the women on FOX and do more cut away shots of their greased up legs.