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Above, an artist’s rendering of Valery and Olga Kogan’s would-be Greenwich manse, which the couple gained approval to build by the town’s Planning and Zoning Commission in March, after agreeing to scale it back to a mere 21,127 square feet (from 39,000) and a paltry 15 toilets (from 26), much to the ire of their neighbors’ WASPian sensibilities. Most of you should be up to speed but to recap, the place is slated to include:
* “a grand hall served by a bifurcated, lyre-shape, Titanic-style staircase and topped by a three-story-high glass dome” which, in inclement weather, would be covered by a mechanized retractable shield
* a Turkish bath
* a Finnish bath
* indoor and outdoor pools (the latter being equipped with underwater lights would be controlled by remotes set up in multiple locations, and change hue with the turn of an “infinite spectrum color wheel for party functions”)
* hydrotherapy spa (which most of you do not need to be told is a Greenwich way of saying “place where colon cleanses are performed”)
* a twelve-car garage
* “a carved-stone fountain the center of a “Renaissance-inspired” circular courtyard”
* “a separate stone patio fashioned in the shape and colors of a Les Paul guitar”
Despite people like T. H. Walworth III shaking his fists at the heavens and crying out, “It’s not a residence. It’s an industrial project. It’s a country club. It’s enormous,” we argued last week that this place had to get done. When a (maybe) corrupt Russian billionaire can’t erect the house that vodka built, all is truly lost. And when he can, it gives aspirational hope to children and down on their luck hedge fund managers everywhere that there is still a point left to this thing. Well guess what, pets? This place isn’t happening.


Kogan’s wife has sent a letter to the P&Z commission to say that she and her husband will not be moving forward with their plans, and will instead simply live in, rather than raze and build out, the existing house. “I still do not understand why this project has brought such criticism as it is clearly permitted to be constructed,” Kogan wrote. She went on to further express her surprise that people had probs with what has been described as “Xanadu cubed,” leaving us to wonder: WTF?
We’re not buying the line that this place will not see the light of day because the Russkies were suddenly made to feel bashful about it. When you even joke about building a home with the features mentioned earlier, self-awareness or care for what other people think don’t register high on your list of attributes. Some are blaming it on “the recession,” and neighbor Charles Lee– one of the Kogans most vocal critics– seems to be quite pleased summing the situation up as “perfectly symbolic of the difference between 2008 and 2009.” And, as previously mentioned, the Koges may indeed have run into some money trubs. But shady Russian oligarchs can always come up with the scratch, by whatever means necessary. Which makes us think that this sudden change of heart, after the application had already been approved (which town planner Diane Fox said, to her knowledge, has never happened) has to do with the intervention of a force even greater than the Russians. And that we have no problem with (and in fact had the foresight to predict).

51 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (51)

  1. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:20 AM

    if it had a pitch and put and a squash court instead of a colonitarium and a a Les Paul patio they would be fine w/ it I’m sure…

  2. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:21 AM

    Stevie Cohen has a message for you Ruskie fucks: not in our house! Or…your house.

  3. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:22 AM

    DB: So, how are your “levels” coming along?
    VK: Oh, well.. I decided I’m not gonna do it.
    SC: (Sarcastically) Really? What a shock.
    SC: So, when do I get my dinner?
    VK: There’s no dinner. The bet’s off. I’m not gonna do it.
    SC: Yes. I know you’re not gonna do it. That’s why I bet.
    VK: There’s not bet if I’ not doing it.
    SC: That’s the bet! That you’re not doing it!
    VK: Yeah, well, I could do it. I don’t want to do it.
    SC: We didn’t bet on if you wanted to. We bet on if it would be done.
    VK: And it could be done.
    SC: Well, of course it could be done! Anything could be done! But it only is done if it’s done. Show me the levels! The bet is the levels.
    VK: But I don’t want the levels!
    SC: That’s the bet!

  4. Posted by american bandersnatch | June 4, 2009 at 10:23 AM

    And ‘mid this tumult Kogan heard from far
    Obama’s voice prophesying socialism!

  5. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:23 AM

    @3 bravo

  6. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:25 AM

    @4- SC is more powerful than BO. So, you are incorrect.

  7. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:26 AM

    How is it that all Russians can categorically have such bad taste?

  8. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:28 AM

    off topic but very db
    David Carradine Dead
    Thai police told the BBC the 72-year-old was found by a hotel maid sitting in a wardrobe with a rope around his neck and genitals on Thursday morning.

  9. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:30 AM

    @8- he’s an actor, so, not really. call us when a bank CEO is found like that.

  10. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:30 AM

    Steve Cohen always wins. ALWAYS!

  11. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:30 AM

    @7, They have no understanding of money

  12. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:31 AM

    “One of the strangest things the Kogans did with their purchase was leverage the living daylights out of it. In August 2005, they took a $10 million loan from Eastern Savings Bank against the house. Less than year after that, they used the same property as collateral in a $15 million loan from the same bank to Kogan’s Kvoda Group. The house cost $18.5 million in 2005; its price, considering it has been stripped, has at best stayed level or, much more likely, hovers around $10 million to $11 million. It’s hard to say whether Valery Kogan’s oft-changing fortunes are at fault, but the would-be oligarch pleasure pad is currently leveraged two to one. Both loans mature on June 1. Much like the bubble itself, the would-be bane of Simmons Lane is now a castle in the sky, in hock to a hope for a brighter tomorrow.”
    yeah, money trubs might’ve been an issue (though I too like to think that SC played a pivotal role in shutting this shit down).

  13. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:32 AM

    @9 I see the DB crowd relating more to the rope around the genitals part.
    -8

  14. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:33 AM

    All Russians are stupid.

  15. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:33 AM

    @13- yeah, I got that, but I think it has to be a little more narrowed and marginally related to finance.
    -9

  16. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:33 AM

    There can only be one “Versailles” in Greenwich. Remember that always.
    –SC

  17. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:33 AM

    @9 I see the DB crowd relating more to the rope around the genitals part.
    -8

  18. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:34 AM

    Cohen is celebrating w a ride on the Zamboni as we speak.
    –typing from inside 72 cummings pt road.

  19. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:34 AM

    Too bad. It would’ve been a nice place for a DB field trip.

  20. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:36 AM

    Guest@#7…
    Russians? Bad taste?
    Black leather jackets, greasy, unwashed hair, unshaven faces, and bad teeth are all indicative of good taste. No?
    Valery Kogan
    p.s. I cannot lie; it’s really I, TGFD.

  21. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:41 AM

    @15 gotcha-retracted. Mailing Ken Lewis some rope this afernoon.

  22. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:41 AM

    In Soviet Russia, secretaries pound your ass.

  23. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:42 AM

    T.H. Walworth III
    what a ridiculous name !!!
    I bet this guys real name is
    Tzvi Herschel Weitzelbaum and change it to “fit in” and is now cock blocking the new new money

  24. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:43 AM

    Me thinks that Eastern Savings Bank should write down the value of that loan poste haste.

  25. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:45 AM

    What’s the difference between a Turkish and a Finnish bath? I only ask because I’m designing my manse and I want to make sure it’s classy without becoming gauche, you know?

  26. Posted by Anal_yst | June 4, 2009 at 10:46 AM

    What’s the joke (or was it a comic), pardon my massacred retelling:
    Rusky 1: Dude, check out this balleriffic watch I just picked up, it cost me $50,000!
    Rusky 2: Dumbass, if you’d gone to the place across the street, you coulda gotten it for $100,000!

  27. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:48 AM

    Anybody want to snort some Red Bull?

  28. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:50 AM

    25 Finnish is dry, as in sauna. Turkish is wet, as in steam room. You obviously haven’t bummed around Europe after college (finishing up in Istanbul) or, after growing up, called on Nokia (in Helsinki).

  29. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:53 AM

    Carradine starred in this movie in 2008? Coincidence or something,,, more… sinister? hmm?? hmmmmmm??? (cue Dr. Evil laugh)
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492896/

  30. Posted by merkin capital partners | June 4, 2009 at 10:53 AM

    @8..Should have been David Caruso.

  31. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:54 AM

    @7 I beg to differ. This house redefines taste.

  32. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 10:58 AM

    This is terribly upsetting.
    — ruskie fuck

  33. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 11:06 AM

    let them build whatever they want, mind your own bidness…jerks!
    Vlad

  34. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    That house stinks worse than a windowless room filled with Pakistani cricket players.

  35. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 11:09 AM

    Ha!
    Jacket, hair, stubble and teef are all just ruse to fool Yank capitalists into thinking that I am just dumb, unwashed Ruskie.
    Back before Perastroika, Comrade Putin taught us well how to “wheel & deal the best of them, and steal it from the rest of them.”
    That’s why I have big house in Greenwich USA. Live like Grand Duke.
    What have you? Ha!
    Valery Kogan, again

  36. Posted by MarshallStack | June 4, 2009 at 11:13 AM

    “a separate stone patio fashioned in the shape and colors of a Les Paul guitar”
    What year? Colour? Pick ups?
    – geek that misses Manny’s

  37. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 11:29 AM

    “I make sex to Olga on bed shaped like Mickey the Mouse.” -Valery Kogan

  38. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 11:40 AM

    A while back, a couple of these types were on my boat during a minor regatta. (rail meat). They seriously asked me why didn’t I install a silent motor in order to win.
    Needless to say – neither of them ever got into the club.
    LYC

  39. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 11:57 AM

    If you recall, back when the Soviet Union collapsed, all property, everything was owned by the state. Vast timberlands, natural resources, factories, industry, distribution networks, agriculture, communications, everything, all state-owned.
    As Yeltsin tried to steer the nation toward a western-style, capitalist democracy, the corrupt commissars were busy “selling” away all state assets to their influential, criminal friends and cronies, and then pocketing the small, very small, amount of cash they received.
    Early in his presidency, Bill Clinton tasked Al Gore with one job, and only one: To oversee the orderly Russian transition to that western-style system.
    Al Gore did nothing; he totally abbrogated those duties, and that is why Bill Clinton still can’t stand Al Gore.
    That is also why Russia is still run by those same criminals who are now called oligarchs.
    Guest@#11…
    One will have “no concept of money” if one grew up having none, if one aquired only what one could steal, and if suddenly, one obtained unfettered access to national treasure. Oligarchs have nearly unlimited access to wealth.
    The Guy from Delaware

  40. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 12:06 PM

    @38
    I’m not sure what it is about your story, but I can’t stop laughing.
    -Nominate me

  41. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 12:07 PM

    Stevie sent this around with the subject line “victory.”

  42. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 12:14 PM

    I want that hangout for me !

  43. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 12:23 PM

    LYC@#38…
    TGFD can’t believe that you and that club even entertained for a moment, the idea that those 2 clowns were possibly worthy of consideration.
    If your “LYC” moniker stands for Larchmont YC, I doubt the veracity of your story.
    The Guy from Delaware

  44. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 12:31 PM

    If I was on the zoning commission, I’d be checking my drink for radioactive polonium-210.

  45. Posted by Anal_yst | June 4, 2009 at 1:24 PM

    I”m sorry, hands down the most cogent, tolerable comments ever by TGFD are in this thread, assuming of course ’tis not an impostor.

  46. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 2:28 PM

    Anal_Yst@#45…
    Not an imposter. It’s the real TGFD.
    Of some things, TGFD has knowledge. Finance? Not so much. I’m still trying to learn something, though, and considering where TGFD started 15 months ago, I believe I’ve made some progress.
    Your kind words are appreciated.
    The Guy from Delaware

  47. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 4:27 PM

    @43
    They never made it past that one day as rail meat on my boat.
    LYC

  48. Posted by guest | June 4, 2009 at 4:50 PM

    @LYC
    Two guys as rail meat?! Must be a piss ant Beneteau or poser Hinckley you’re bobbing around in.
    Grow a set and build a real racer. If you are still a working stiff and short on time I’ll make you a great deal on my ride – 100ft. NZ custom maxi. Branson ripped some sails and scratched up the gelcoat with his man sandals but otherwise a magnet for MILFS.
    I need the money for new hair plugs so give me a call.
    A. Jackson

  49. Posted by guest | June 5, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    LYC@#47/#38…
    Any considerate member of a reputable club would never have invited those 2 clowns aboard his boat, or for that matter, anywhere the club in the first place.
    TGFD regrets having to get on a fellow sailor’s case, but low-life, thieving Ruskies, their money notwithstanding, do not belong in a cultivated, private yachting venue.
    Although that “silent motor” thing is funny, it loudly proclaims the utter churlishness of the 2 goons in question.
    Yours in yachting,
    The Guy from Delaware

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