Wells Fargo will fine you $100 for looking at your Blackberry during a meeting. At Goldman Sachs it’s frowned upon unless you’re obtaining info with which to front run prime brokerage clients. Bank of America doesn’t care what you do as long as you blow less than 0.3% on your daily breathalyzer test (and even there, there’s wiggle room). With very few exceptions, however, most firms don’t have policies on ‘berry or iPhone use during meetings, according to the Times, which devoted resources to an investigation on the matter this weekend. The tricky thing, you see, is that the reason you shouldn’t tappity tap tap tap while people are talking (it’s douchey and rude), is the same reason you might want to (i.e. douchey and rude, you may have noticed, equal important in this biz).
Mr. Brotherton, the consultant, wrote in an e-mail message that it was customary now for professionals to lay BlackBerrys or iPhones on a conference table before a meeting — like gunfighters placing their Colt revolvers on the card tables in a saloon. “It’s a not-so-subtle way of signaling ‘I’m connected. I’m busy. I’m important. And if this meeting doesn’t hold my interest, I’ve got 10 other things I can do instead.’”
Besides a bunch of broad tips (don’t do it in front of a client, the more people in the room the less noticeable you updating your Facebook status will be), we don’t get much in the way of specific “what’s a-okay and what will get you canned.” Like, if the fly of the person presenting is undone, is it cool to shoot a quick one to your colleague across the table about it, noting that [presenter of choice's secretary] is slipping on her attention to detail? If you’re sitting in a room with HR getting canned, can you take two to get in touch with the Journal to let them know “this place is a Ponzi scheme”? If you work for a bank, let’s just call it “Lehman Brothers,” and you get an email marked priority “high,” subject line “MAYDAY,” and 4 little words, “This sucker’s gonna blow,” are you allowed to respond? And if that doesn’t count as serious enough, what about a message marked priority “high as fuck,” subject line “911,” body “bring chips — Jimmy C”? Give me real-life scenarios, Do/Don’ts. Let’s get into this.
@1 does he find you douvhy when you do this?
Sent from my Blackberry
Kind of off topic here but 4 months ago I was in a wedding where the bride gave her BB to her maid of honor to update her Facebook status to Married! right when they said “I do”. I almost threw up on the spot.
@4 ugh, she should be shot.
what is ‘douvhy’? Is that how retards spell ‘douchey’?
I dont know what you’re talking about re a .3 bac being too high.
-ken lewis
@5 and @4…or at the very least bombarded with a heavy dose of x-rays to make her sterile.
@4 – I think I was at that wedding and had sex with the bride the day before. She did the same thing with her blackberry.
4 here. A moment of sheer terror washed over me when at THAT MOMENT I realized what a tool my buddy was marrying. The scene still gives me nightmares.
@4
OMG!!!
@10 and depending on how good a buddy he is of yours, the hours you’re going to have to spend in the presence of that twat for the rest of your life?
my ex-girlfriend would constantly update her status via BB. glad I dodged that bullet…. I think the problem is the combo of social networking, but just BBs or iPhones.
@13 I have never once updated my status because really, who gives a flying fuck? The people who are under the impression anyone does should off themselves.
I’m in a meeting right now and leaving a comment asking that Maria Bartiromo SHUT THE FUCK UP! Thx.
@#$$ is off for a tasty skim latte on this rainy day!!
Bess, this is your best work since your letter to Biff Basness.
Love,
Your Not So Secret Admirer
I don’t understand the 0.3%. How many bottles of Boone’s does that get me?
I think the correct etiquette is to make a mental note not to do business with anyone who would rather type on their BlackBerry than pay attention to what you’re saying in a meeting with them.
I bleached my blackberry, is this bad?
14: YOU ARE POSTING A COMMENT ON AN INTERNET WEBSITE.
I will sometimes type on my Blackberry like I am dealing with something important, but really I’m just playing Brickbreaker.
@21… the comments here are more for the purposes of discourse/humoring ourselves. that’s a little different than facebook twats letting you know that they “just had the most amazing soup” or some shit
Back to the question of appropriate use of BBs, I maintain that it is indeed appropriate to play brickbreaker while you’re on the can. Social norms (and hygiene too I suppose) be damned!
@22. high score?
@21 are you under the impression that leaving a comment on a website is the same as updating a facebook status message? and also, are you retarded?
I watch porn on my blackberry storm when I am on dates or in a meeting. makes the time go much faster.
McPoyle
@pay it forward– this was great, but there have been many excellent posts since biff, including but not limited to this: http://dealbreaker.com/2009/06/a-message-and-a-challenge-from.php
@19
News flash: Most of the people you’re gonna see in meetings over the course of your life wanna be there less than you do.
Just an FYI.
24 If it dropped it would you fish it out? Tough call. Its dead anyway, but it wouldn’t flush down (maybe a pearl would, but thats for women only).
@20 In Austria, blackberry bleaching (BBB) ist considered so important zat it’s paid for by ze state.
@24 Sitting on the toilet too long can affect your anus later in life, leaving you incontinent (seriously)
Can’t comment, am on bb.
The only time it’s acceptable to use your bbery during meetings is when ordering hookers. getting one for everyone at the table will score you points, too.
@4 Was this the same chick from niteflirt?
I believe proper BB etiquette calls one to put it down as you approach release when receiving a handy from B Quick. If getting a knobber from Maria B., then no, she understands.
- Jack
part of this is cause people have a short attention span, but another part is that very few people are skilled at keeping things interesting. More often then not, they open the book and start reading the bullets. (“Ranked first in the league table among….”)
Its always better to pretend like a client just sent a note before leaving a meeting for 45 mins to grab a coffee and drop a deuce on the floor below.
At SAC its encouraged to respond to
“In the back office, bring gag and leash.
-Steve C”
D-Rat
Sent from my Verizon Blackberry Wireless
Does that “I’m connected, busy” thing still hold? Maybe three years ago when you were only given one above a certain level. Now though everyone has one.
I am Jack’s completely bleached anus.
Personally, I find that the best way to make clients feel comfortable during meetings is to stare into their eyes while simulating cunnilingus on my BB’s trackball.
@41 FTW
wow, 41…. bravo
Never send messages on your Blackberry about your coworker that has a busted arm and cannot use his Blackberry.
The only really universal rule of Blackberry etiquette is that you must politely say “Excuse me,” before you rip it out of somebody’s hands and shove it up their nose. What must be done, must be done, but that’s no excuse for incivility.
@38 ftw
-ping jiang
@41 I’m doing that tonight at dinner.
41 — creepy and hilarious. FTW.
@41 Not a big fan of POV. To each his (or her) own though.
@28 — how could I forget? I stand corrected.
30 – Tell that to my bf, who parades around with his precious Pearl.
@51 does your bf know he’s gay?
41 did win, wow
@41 you deserve a BJ for that comment
@41 Nice. The only comment that got a guffaw out of me.
@25, 24320 (amateur hour, I know)
@55 D Rat’s was funny
@20 I guess the sheer titilation of cramming a bby up your ass and having your h-mo bbf text msg you all day eventually made you forget that the device was up your cornhole when you got your anus blanched?
@58 you’re a weirdo
51 I doubt he’s gay. The Pearl thing just means he has a small penis. Most gay guys are hung like horses.
hmmmmm, nope. he’s probly gay
60 – OMG how did you know?! So true.
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