• 19 Jun 2009 at 11:22 AM

What We Can Learn From Allen Stanford

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Lookin’ to start a Ponzi scheme? It’s not for everyone but if you really think you’re cut out for it, listen up. Allen Stanford has started a mentor program to guide the next generation of would-be Ponziers. Tip number one, which comes via CNBC’s Scott Cohn while Sir Stan is otherwise detained: Find yourself a regulator who will “look the other way” in exchange for, I don’t want to call them bribes ’cause it’s such a dirty word, but, okay, bribes. Stanford would hook you up with his guy, Antigua regulator Leroy King, but he’s busy being indicted for hiding info from the SEC for years vis-a-vis Stanford Financial. Don’t worry though, Big Al’s got a Rolodex full of other names he can send you. Next up: impressing potential investors at the gym. You’ll want to pay attention to this chapter. In Stanford’s experience, suckers love a good grunt.

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    Comments (10)

    1. 1
      Posted by guest | June 19, 2009 at 11:27 AM

      ..or find a completely irrelevant sport to sponsor like frisbee golf or bass fishing

    2. 2
      Posted by guest | June 19, 2009 at 11:29 AM

      If you haven’t already, time to lawyer up.
      Swiss agree to share tax information with U.S.

    3. 3
      Posted by guest | June 19, 2009 at 11:34 AM

      and give the wives of soccer players “just the tip.”

    4. 4
      Posted by guest | June 19, 2009 at 11:38 AM

      Not now, chief! I’m in the fuckin’ zone!

    5. 5
      Posted by cowtippincricket | June 19, 2009 at 11:44 AM

      and if anyone accuses you of a ponzi scheme you threaten to “punch them in their face”

    6. 6
      Posted by guest | June 19, 2009 at 11:45 AM

      It’s not a fuckin’ Ponzi scheme! I’ll fuckin’ punch you in the fuckin’ mouth for sayin’ it was. If it was a Ponzi scheme, then how come I’ve got all these Antigua bank statements that say I got all this money? Huh? Explain that you punk journalist. CNBC asked me how it felt to be a goddamn fuckin’ billionaire. You think they’d ask that if this was a Ponzi scheme? Huh? You just fuckin’ wait, I’m going to put my fuckin’ cricket mallet upside your head. Like hell it’s a Ponzi scheme.
      - Not Allen Stamford

    7. 7
      Posted by guest | June 19, 2009 at 11:46 AM

      Who wants a mustache ride?

    8. 8
      Posted by guest | June 19, 2009 at 11:46 AM

      “Dittos from Zurich, Rush…….”

    9. 9
      Posted by guest | June 19, 2009 at 12:21 PM

      Cool, we’re back to Sir Stanford and even the back up cast for the coming Stanford Fraud: the Movie. A big hand for Leroy, the black person, who is the Grand Regulator and Part Time Mixologist of Antigua and Barbuda. And let’s hope at last we find out what hoppen to Charlesworth A. Shelley Hewlett, the Chief Accountant of Stanford International Bank, whose shell offices in Antigua and London had no computers in them, and who had died suddenly while sailing off Antigua, in his 70′s this January, one month before the whole Ponzi scheme came down.

    10. 10
      Posted by EvilBuzzard | June 19, 2009 at 2:18 PM

      Dante Stallworth had this racket figured out. Be nice to the occifers, hire a top-notch mouth to represent you in court, apologize profusely. That gets you 30 days for killing someone.
      Threaten to punch people in the face and acting like an ass – that’ll be at least three years and lots of fines and confiscations.

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