How many times have you sidled up to a vending machine, selected your candy of choice, popped it in your mouth and thought, "This is really good but you know what would make it better? Another layer of nougat and some gold"? A whole bunch, I'm assuming. You're on your own lobbying the Mars company for that extra inch but Thomas Geissler's got you covered on the g.
Geiss, via his company TG-Gold-Super-Markt, will be rolling out "a substantial number" of gold dispensing machines in Germany, Austria and Switzerland within three months and, if the demand is there, around the world. Sound good? Customers will be able to buy 1-, 5- and 10-gram pieces of gold, and Canadian Maple Leafs and South African Krugerrands, each a tenth of an ounce. A one-gram piece now costs about $42. Sound great, to the extent that you've got to get in on this shit yourself? Geissler is planning on a franchise model wherein you'll b able to buy your own machine for about $28,000. For those worried about the risk posed by hoodlums, do not fear. According to TG, these babies will be tested with explosives, and "outfitted like an armored vehicle...We're going to put them in places like Russia, and the boys are not exactly demure over there."
Also, the product "will be dispensed in a handsome box," which is just classy.
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Jun 18, 2009 11:19AM
I hear Colony Capital has invested in one that will dispense fairy dust.Also honeydew and milk of paradise.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:23AM
"How many times have you sidled up to a vending machine, selected your candy of choice, popped it in your mouth and thought, "This is really good but you know what would make it better? Another layer of nougat and some gold"?"
A kajillion times.
--SC
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:24AM
Is Greenlight hiring for the Mr. Manager position at the banana stand?
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:24AM
I'll be making good these things.
--John Paulson
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:24AM
Gold is no good without a pinch of coked up shark balls.
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Jun 18, 2009 11:24AM
"We're going to put them in places like Russia, and the boys are not exactly demure over there."
Maybe one of the better quotes I've ever heard.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:25AM
Will they accept cash?
-Pablo Escobar Jr.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:33AM
There's always money in the banana stand...
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:36AM
What's with the sign that says
1) Money in
2) Select item
3) Pick your gold
Shouldn't it be instructing you to pick UP your gold??
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:38AM
"A one-gram piece now costs about $42."
That sounds about right.
Oh wait...you said gold!
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:40AM
$42/gram x 28.35 grams/ounce = $1,191 per ounce. When gold is trading at ~$920. Nice markup.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:42AM
I'm starting a company selling a complementary "keester-pack." For $25, you'll get a tube of lube, 2 condoms, 1 string and some chocolate laxatives (in case high altitude makes you clam up).
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:43AM
If'n the LIBERALS dont git it here in Shack first, I'll by one an put her in the local gun store next to the Notsi flags and white sheets you kin git by the gross.
~Karl Lugummer
Shack, Idaho
Posted by Anal_yst , Jun 18, 2009 11:45AM
Yea, good luck keeping these suckers secure. How much gold storage capacity is in these suckers again? Not to mention they're painted in "just try to steal me you p*ssy bitch) yellow...
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:46AM
If you're counting on gold to save you in the event of an apocalypse, a few coins just wont do it. This is clearly a sucker bet. It just may work though.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 11:47AM
If you ever need a sign that gold has peaked, after the Superbowl MC Hammer commercial, here's another one...
Posted by EvilBuzzard , Jun 18, 2009 11:54AM
Can we trick it into excepting Zimbabwean currency?
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 12:12PM
I predict he will learn a valuable lesson about the capabilities of Russian criminals.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 12:17PM
Bess was lobbying me for that extra inch.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 12:22PM
TWWWIIIIXXXXXX!!!
- G. Costanza.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 12:23PM
Tell businessman to please don't forget 50 thousand USA dollars. After we take machine and gold he will need for ransom payment. It is custom in our country.
Boris & Associates
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 12:48PM
Good Luck trying to walk away with the gold without getting robbed.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 12:50PM
I hope the machine take pennies!
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 2:04PM
@11- it's worse than that, gold is measured in troy ounces, so it's ~31g/oz.
$42/gram x 31 grams/ounce = ~$1,300 per ounce. Even bigger markup.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 3:22PM
In Philadelphia, 3 hours tops.
Beat that, Boris.
--Vladimir
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2009 4:28PM
Vladimir, 3 hours before or after machine arrives?
Boris