Confidential to JD and Steve Black: someone is very unhappy at the House of Dimon:
If you’d be so kind as to call out JPMorgan, I would appreciate it.
Outgoing third year analyst bonuses: $20k.
This is absolutely pathetic. It’s an utter insult.
Update: Some details that may shed some light on the $20k situation. The outrage above was expressed by a departing third year analyst, whose superiors knew was leaving before they came up with the number, which he acknowledges “may have played into it.” He also notes that the figure is probably “well below” that of analysts staying on as associates.
Related, for comparison’s sake: First Year, Second Tier Rainmakers Pulling $42k Bonuses At Citi
ouch
20K is not a lot for holiday!
muhahaha
That’s right, JD, take no prisoners!
bye bye sonofabitch!
It’s an utter insult!
Bwah Bwah Bwah
My car cost more than $20k. This bonus is a joke.
Killer Jefferies analyst
two words: suck my nuts.
-jdimon
I’ll take “Better than nothing” for $1000 Alex
And Citi is planning to pay 42K to first years? One of these stories is BS.
Buy appreciating assets, lease cars.
- MBA Down Under
bitches i have an egyptian cat that costs more than 20K
$20k was my bar tab this weekend. I am wealthier than all of you.
Dr. Louis Ziccarelli Esq
Bonus for whiny Chase bank employee = $20k
Bonus for UBS employee = fired
Bonus for all RBS employees = $0
Not working at Citibank = priceless
20K – ~40% tax = 12K = $230/ week is ~ $3 on top of your hourly takings. you have to be a real ugly bitch not to get more tips than that at your average roadside chili’s.
$20k
@16 RBS Greenwich Cap employee here, technically we got $0 but the Queen did suck my dick, so that’s something.
@11 it’s in line with Citi having no idea how to manage money and JD being a ball buster.
this wage deflation is really freakin me out –JD to VP
How’s the kick on the way out?
@22
some us expect more of life
rainmakers? these are whiny little bitches that didn’t even deserve 20k.
20k. look around you. poor ruth is moving to 90th street for god’s sake. 90th street!!
I’ll take it!
Toothy Ruthie
@25 please turn brain on, realize sarcasm inherent in referring to them as “first year second tier” rainmakers.
ugh, stop making “i’m richer than thou” comments… that’s so LSO before the crash: wrong site! And 20k?! To work your a$$ off for 100hrs a week?! That doesn’t seem fair now does it… there’s some auditor out there working 9-4:30 “off-site” auditing an “office cleaning service company” in Youngstown,OH, that make more than that all-in… that’s dispicable.
poor guy. the 10% unemployed (including your prey at Bear) are crying you a river. the rest of corp America got goose eggs.
you want a bonus? open a business and pay yourself.
But when will the airplane hanger be finished? I am getting so ready for those mojitos they promised.
“bitches i have an egyptian cat that costs more than 20K”
nice
what group is our tipster from? or, at least something about his job function besides “analyst”? that might be relevant.
Did RBS sales & trading also get hit with a big $0 across the board?
At least you have the memories. They can’t take those away from you. Bastards.
Insult? You’re a third year analyst. You are of no value and you are already overpaid for your experience and skill set. Go to business school, get a long term career and go steak a claim to something and make it yours.
Analysts are such jokes. They all think they should be promotoed directly. When in reailty most direct promotes simply fall on their face due to immaturity as they advance to the VP level. I’ve seen it a million times. What a bunch of pussies.
@35
Third year analysts are a joke, but you just told us to “steak” a claim?
Really? You want us to grill up some experience? Maybe fire up the oven and bake some skill?
$20K? My submarine lease payments cost more than that.
-The Guy from Malibu
Angrier than butt sex is no way to go through life,@42.
35 doesn’t understand english, but atleast he knows that analysts are a joke.
lol at silly little analyst pukes on my floor who thought they walked on water before bonus time.
i second the notion that analysts are pussies
@35 – I was unable to steak a claim, but I did claim a steak last night at porterhouse. 20K calories.
I want to eat lunch now.
@33, yes “officially.” But money has clearly changed hands in some way as the floor is not yet empty.
@33 yes, but they got reach around from Gordon Brown.
-19
$20K??? That’s what we spend at The Lodge on a bad night!
Analysis is for poofs.
You are a third year, outgoing analyst… that is the worst possible ‘tier’ to be in – no tier at all. You probably cost the firm more then you brought in, they should have paid you nothing.
20k??? I dropped out of high school and get more than that from all of Nancy Pelosi’s and Barney Frank’s handout programs.
-Welfare recipient
@28:
Ugh, stop making “work your ass off for 100 hour a week comments.”
So, you arrive at the office at 7 a.m. and are working until 3 a.m. M-F every week?
Or are you working on the weekends as well and just work 7 a.m to 9 p.m. every day?
BTW if you’re posting on here you’re not “working your ass off” anyway.
28 Except that this year the 100 hour weeks (come on, did you really work 100 hours? how much of that was face time – tell the truth, I’ve been there) did not result in much revenue flow. Which is why its called a bonus. A bonus for a job well done, which includes delivering profits, not just going through the motions.
Maybe $20k for a bottom bucket third year that’s been checked out for a year, but closer to three times that for those middle ranked. Poor guy needs to know others were not treated so poorly. Also, what group? That’s could possibly be the reason he got ass raped for 365 days.
@48
you sound pretty bitter – did you girlfriend fuck half a trading floor behind your back?
@51 – …or maybe she did it in front of him, which could also explain the bitterness.
I am.
Assiduously
So, when do bonuses start being based on performance? Because, to be honest, a bonus based on seniority rather gives the impression that, like a government desk job, real ability has nothing to do with the position.
@55
You’re new here.
@46 3rd analysts are worth more than 1st and sometimes 2nd yr associates. They actually know what to do and how to do it.
But there is no logical reason to pay them unless they’re getting associate promotes
FTW:
Working in banking, top-tier ’04 – ’08 (assoc pro-mo), grabbing bonus and moonwalking the fuck out that same day to the buyside.
PEACE BITCHES!
Am I just being honest?
@59 – 55′s sentence makes perfect sense. Time for you to tackle something harder than the Dick and Jane books.
@48 and @49… i don’t even work in IBD… i’m S&T… and derivatives at that (yes i personally “mass destroyed everything”). I know for a fact though that the 20k went to someone who DID work 100hrs a week… and was good at what he did (per his superiors). They’re paying 20k because “there’s nothing you can do about it”.
Egyptian cats are the new killin it
@24 a 20k bonus on an already high salary is better than many will get…yes it sucks, but so does the economy…it goes with the territory
@56 FTW
egyptian cats are the new mexican coke sharks
@55 perception reflects reality in this case
@ people who comment to say nothing other than @__# FTW, FTW
Analyst?
Anal Cyst would be more accurate.
Fuck JPM. Would’ve been dead in the water if the tax payer hadn’t made them whole via the AIG bailout. A-C should be happy to get a damn penny.
xoxoxoxo
@69
JPM is the top bank on the street, and before you try to talk shit, the only bulge left is the one in my pants
@70,
“JPM is the top bank on the street, ”
WOW!!! That’s really saying much. LOL
Again, if they hadn’t been MADE WHOLE USING MY TAX MONEY THEY’D BE DEAD.
wtf. did someone roll back the clock? when I was an analyst at jpm (long before they tainted the name with chase) the base of $30 and the bonus was $40. but then again, that was when a one bedroom apt with a doorman in murray hill rented for $700…ouch jd – you still having troubs selling the crib in chi? you didn’t have to take it out on the kids.
@10 – well played sir.
@68 FTW
@69/71 – same goes for GS and every other bank. what’s your point
i’m rich and you pussies never will be so go fuck yourself
i’m rich and you pussies never will be so go fuck yourself
No honor among thieves….or investment bankers. Paying first years more so they can stick it to them later too.
No honor among thieves….or investment bankers. Paying first years more so they can stick it to them later too.
61 You obviously went to public school. And a bad one at that. Ditto for 55. I recommend that you diagram the sentence (if you know how, that is).
“which he acknowledges..” After 79 comments. This is why people think Analysts are useless cry babies.
wow what a wide range – 3rd years staying at JP took home 80
@80 the update went up hours ago. no more than 50 comments had been posted at the time.
that sucks, dude. you probably blew your cover when you asked “your superiors” to fill out your bschool recs
@ 3rd yr analyst- let this be a lesson toy you, don’t tell anyone you’re leaving til 5 mins before you walk out the door!
@81 wow if people believe that I’ve got some swampland in Florida to sell…Oh wait! it was foreclosed when Bear went under. Either that or your third year is related to the boss.
Person 1: i say we start a website and spread rumors about bschool
Person 2: yes bschoolsux.com
Person 1: then we can blog about it
Person 2: wasteyourmoneyonmba.org
Person 2: we can put up fake testimonials too from people who hated bschool
Person 1: hmm. i think the first website name could also be pron
Person 2: yes more catchy
Person 2: porn? lol like b-schoogirls?
Person 1: bschool sucks … just think about that … totally good pron
Person 1: we should start a website … our shtick could be fake bschool students
Person 2: b-schoolgirl fetish
Person 1: exactly … “yes m’am”
Person 2: wearing suits and stuff
Person 1: right
Person 2: lol could be hot
Person 1: you in?
Person 2: harvard does wharton lol
Person 1: we can even recruit from bschools
students are desperate now
yeah … harvard takes it in the yale
@86 wtf? link/reference to your attempted joke?
When you say analysts do you mean financial analysts? If not, what area in the bank would these analysts work – sell-side,etc. What would the 2nd tier analyst that work in operations receive?
Recent college graduate
@88 love it
anybody have 5th year Ops Analyst (Jersey City) numbers? i heard they got crushed
Seriously, what were class of 2008 analysts paid this year at Bank of America? What about Citi?
@85 believe it. 80 was top for 3rd yrs – i actually find it hard to believe that someone really received 20k even at the lowest tier… sounds like they burned some bridges before skipping out
59 is right. ” Because” does not belong in 59′s sentence.
59- is right. “Because” does not belong in 55′s sentence.
There’s no way a 3rd year made 20k just for leaving. That person had to have screwed up or screw over someone pretty badly. I’m pretty sure bottom tier 1st years didn’t do that poorly, even. And I know in past instances, departing 3rd years who had made it known that they were leaving received mid-bucket based on their performance through the year (shocking concept!)
Believe it. No bridges were burned, someone I know was working up until the day before his last day. Got a pathetic $20k bonus for working his @$$ off for 3 years, while the first year he trained all year got $40k and a nice raise. It really is disgusting.
96 Call me cold, but for some reason I can’t find it in my heart to feel bad. More to the point: what you call working you a$$ off actually results in very little value added. Plus, a third has one foot out the door. In this environment where revenues are off sharply there’s no way they’re going to be taking a bag of gold with them when they leave. Just doesn’t work that way now. Better luck later.
See JP Morgan Analysts…this is what your shellshocked associates,hotshot VP’s,etc really think of your work when they recruit you and work your A$$ off. NO VALUE ADDED!
Hey, we all know how it works, or should. There is how you perform and how you are perceived. Who likes you, who doesn’t. Who stands up for you, who you pissed off. Not always fair…even JD had his Sandy Weill
what were the top/mid/bottom buckets at JPM for 1st and 2nd years?
any color on 1st year analyst bonus #’s at jpm?
JP 2nd-year outgoing: $15K
Hi guys, I’m thinking of getting into investment banking. Will anyone give some advice? Thanks :)
@103 First of all get rid of the happy face at the end of your sentences. There are no happy faces in investment banking.
Then a good degree from a very good school and high GPA will get you started.
Any word on what the BofA bonuses were?
@101 Top 1st yrs at JPM got $50K + $20K raise
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