In his latest column for The Daily Beast, Charlie Gasparino discusses the fact that while “some investors and Sheila Bair” had hoped the government would put Citi out of its misery, the plan is to keep the bank “half-dead and half-alive because in its current, near-vegetative state,” where it can’t do much harm, and focus efforts on Bank of America. Gaspo understands the logic, but he doesn’t agree with it. He thinks even in a state of comatose, the Big C could do a tremendous amount of damage. How does Charlie know this? He’s seen it happen before:
In some ways Citigroup reminds me of this nasty neighbor I had as a kid. He was a hazard to both the community and his wife and kids whom he used to abuse on a daily basis. Then one day he got into an accident; I believe he fell off the back of a truck, cracked his skull and was in a coma. We prayed for his timely exit from this world but he hung on, first for weeks and then for months.
“Neither God wants him nor the devil wants him,” my father remarked with a laugh one afternoon as we laid odds on whether he would live or die.
The man did in fact live, miraculously given to size and scope of his head injuries, and once he was able to function again, he returned to his nasty old self. It was a shame, we all thought, if he had died, it would have spared everyone so much trouble.
I can’t but help feeling the same way about Citigroup.
Dennis Kneal has sex with Collies.
Yikes.
that. was. awesome.
I knew it!
god love this fuckin’ guinea
How would Buffett describe Citi? Like having a semi while rounding second base only to discover excessive padding?
…and that man went on to run Bear Stearns. True story
@7
BPOTB
thread should now be closed.
A++++
7, take a bow
amazing
“Sources close to the bank.” WTF, Charlie, at least tell us which ATM in Vegas your source was standing at.
“Neither God wants him nor the devil wants him,” my father remarked with a laugh, quoting sources close to Heraven and Hell.
forget his own show– c-gas is so awesome he needs his own channel
I just came in my pants. Thank you CG.
I used to think CG was an idiot, but Bess you’ve made me a fan.
Also LOL at 6
c-gas is so awesome he could dunk on Lebron–and videotape it himself
Fuck Regis and Kelly, Bess and CG need to host a talk show together.
God this is the best day.
@16 Bess and CG need to start making porn together. She is all over his italian sausage.
@18 nah, every post she does blatantly makes fun of him, clearly the other way around.
In spite of myself I’m starting to love this fuckin’ jabroni, thanks to DB.
3,4,5,10,12,13,14,15,16,17, especially 18,20 = cg
In his next appearance on CNBC, Vikram Pandit is asked by on-air editor Charlie Gasparino, “So, Vikula, when did you stop beating your wife?”
do we think chaz ever got a lickin’ from this guy?
Charlie Gasparino: “Vikram Pandit belts his wife. There, I said it.”
Does Charlie beat his wife? With those righteous delts?
come on bess, this can’t be real.
“okay okay, it was me.”
Hemingway reincarnated.
###7 WINNER
@6 I just laughed like an idiot in this quiet office but thank you, 100% agree
Just damn!!! Just when we found out that Gas-bags had a dad in the union, some kind of steel worker type who nearly broke his back and other types of nasty accidents, we now read about this chaos in his early years.
Charlie woulda made a great investment banker, I think. He coulda been a contenduh, instead of a bum.
Pfluger
In think the guy waving the flag in this AFSCME union ad was Gaspo’s dad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3mw49mk_x0
Pfluger
“We prayed for his timely exit from this world but he hung on, first for weeks and then for months.”
Chaz, you baciagalup’, that’s EXACTLY what the majority of CNBC viewers are doing for you right now, ya big GAFONE!
At least he didn’t make any reference to Citi being a pedo.
Stay Classy, Charlie!