Stick with him, the Italian Lassie’s making a point. It’s like this, see. The way Charlie figures, Goldman Sachs operates in practice, if not in name, like a hedge fund. And there’s this hedge fund up in Stamford called SAC, which Chaz has been following since it came up on his Google alert for ‘testes and tits.’ And so…if Goldman’s gonna be a hedge fund that calls itself a bank…SAC should have to do the same. Gaspo got the idea while he was writing his latest column for The Daily Beast, in which he expounds on Goldman Capital Management. It makes a little bit of sense if you think about it.
Anyway, we called Chazpo to hear more about the plan, which he’s yet to clear with Steve Cohen but will probably get the go-head for by the end of the week. Catching him on his way to lunch at San Pietro, we wondered if Charlie had taken into account that a public company might not be up to get down with employees being forced to wear dresses against their own will, which could be a dealbreaker for the Royal Bank of SAC. Had Charlie thought about that detail, we asked? Of course he had– he’s a professional after all. “If you’re a government regulated bank, I believe that they have to respect all walks of life, including the ones you just specified,” Chaz told us. While we had him on the phone, we decided to touch on a sore spot, which was only too palpable in today’s column. GS and CG. What’s up there? It seemed like there’s some tension, specifically with Goldman flack Lucas Van Praag, who you know Charlie has a history with.
“Listen,” Gasa told us. “I like Lucas Van Praag, but I don’t like him enough to talk to him ten times a day. He emailed me like five times yesterday, yelling at me, sayin’ I misrepresented GS. My thing is simply this: if Goldman wants to roll the dice, give up the bank charter. Also, Blankfein told a mutual friend that I’m a ‘thug.’ You believe that? I’m a sweetheart of a guy! They’re obsessed with me over there.”
Charlie Gasparino, Who Goldman Sachs Is ‘Obsessed’ With, Wants SAC Capital Turned Into A Bank Because Of GS’s Second Quarter Profits
By Bess LevinComments (54)
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and we are obsessed with him over here.
- Las Vegas Sauna Boy
Chazzy gives me hope for the future.
DESCO and Rentech are much closer to GS than the fucktards in Stamford.
god damn I love this guinea
1,
I second that.
-Vinny’s Meats, Eats, Greets, and Asian Teats, Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, NY
SWM (italian) looking for SWF for long walks to the deli and perhaps a brown shower. Must be a member of Equinox and into the unrelenting punishment of muscles.
You cannot make this stuff up! You really can’t!
I say this in the nicest possible way: this guy’s a god damn jabroni.
-Steve
Charlie Gasparino is a slanderous, vile beast of a man.
But on a personal note, there is a strange animal magnetism about him that I cannot resist.
-Lucas von Trapp
“Catching him on his way to lunch at San Pietro”
of course
It’s not my fault you’re like in love with me or something!!!
-CG
Charlie,
You’re simply the best, and we look forward to maintaining our corporate sponsorship regarding your pursuit to obtain a gold at the 2012 weightlifting event in London.
Our very best,
Robert S. Martin, CEO
Boar’s Head Provisions Co., Inc.
I’ve always said I’d give my left nut to work with Charlie Gasparino so, yes, yes, a thousand times yes, if he’ll be CFO.
-stevie
Bess, is Chaz a well groomed fella? He always looks like, ah…rough and sweaty, and not in a nice rent boy sort of way.His pics almost smell of garlic and Brut.
Citadel is basically Goldman without the underwriting business. But Griffin is a goy douchebag while Blankfein is a MOT mensch, and that is why Geithner will never give KG the bank charter (ann dias may have a shot at it though the way she moves those hips. you know geithner loves that gallic runway strut)
Over/under on how many days before charlie and lucas fuck each other’s brains out?
“Goldman Sachs Group said on Tuesday that its compensation and benefits expenses, which includes salaries, estimated year-end bonuses and related costs were $6.65 billion in the second quarter.”
Hmmm. Let’s see. TGFD will do a calculation.
With 29,100 total employees, that works out to $228.5K per qtr, or $914K per year for each employee. Granted, the “related costs” portion is probably worth something, though.
Still, $900K average pay at Goldman is…well, kinda high.
Does anyone know what the lowest-paid employee makes at Goldman? Any idea?
The Guy from Delaware
@17 thanks for posting that little tidbit hours after we all read it, as though it were breaking news, when we’re fucking talking about cg here.
@16: negative 100.
@16 already happened. this is a lover’s quarrel.
I didn’t call him a thug, I called him a ‘punk ass bitch.’ There’s a difference.
-LB
He always appears to be half in the (gas?)bag.
Thank sweet mother of Sfogliatelle that he has brought his blinking somewhat into check. It was painful to watch.
Guest@#18…
TGFD just woke the f’k up, and I’m trying to catch up on the news.
Excuse me for pissing on your circle jerk.
Well, do you know the answer to TGFD’s question?
The Guy from Delaware
$1,000 says The Guy from Delaware is Dennis Kneale.
When does CG’s book come out? Bess pretty, pretty please with sugar on top and cherry tell me that you are writing the forward.
Hey, TGFD, want to go and do Dewey Beach with me? Maybe we can give each other oral?
TT
I think I am pregnant. But I am a guy so that must be impossible.
Who am I?
Date: 071409
Guest: Blankfein, L
Account: American Express ending in “7788″
Room#: Penthouse (Suite)
Lodging: …………. $30,000.00
State Tax…………. 900.00
City Tax………….. 240.00
Convention Tax… 200.00
Current Charges to Room
Two Ounces Gold……… $1,875.00
Small ceramic crucible.. 900.00
Propane “Hand” Torch.. 35.00
Book: “Gold Leaf Anything” 15.00
Instruction Manual: “Ball Dipping”…15.00
Neosporin Ointment……………….. 8.00
Welder’s Mitt…………………………. 22.00
Book: “Biography of Jon Stewart”.. 35.00
Onsite Urologist……………………… 500.00
Darth Vader Mask (1)……………….. 55.00
Book: “Catcher in the Rye”……….. 15.00
Hank Paulsen Bobblehead Doll (1).. 25.00
John Corzine Autographed Air Bag.. 75.00
Re-line sink with Sable Fur…………999.00
Prell Shampoo (1 tube)………………. 8.00
Mikimoto Pearl (1)…………………….. 50.00
Silk “Black Box” Cover……………….. 200.00
Meat Ball Sandwich…………………… 14.00
Sheet Music: Darth Vader’s Theme.. 22.00
Megaphone (for humming above).. 275.00
@27 ping? how you been wo/man?
-stevie
@28 ftw. every damn time.
@27 – Barney Frank.
28 wins, close the thread.
-lb and cg in a joint comment
@27 – Maria Bartiromo?
I say this with all seriousness and with total empathy for the mentally ill– is charlie gasparino a re-tard?
-steve in stamford
@27 Meredith Whitney
Heads we win, tails you lose. Bitches.
- LB
steve@34 yes.
-chazza’s mom
@3
You mean GETCO?
@28 Awesome! Carry on…
Guest@#24…
TGFD is not Dennis Kneale, and I know that for f’n certain.
Now, TGFD claims that $1,000. WhereTF is it? It will come in handy during our upcoming vacation.
The Guy from Delaware
@TGFD
The back office clerks and such at GS prolly make the same that clerks make anywhere else, which is likely tops around $50k/year. You would be well-served to understand the concept of “skewness” when it comes to GS’s employee expenses…
@34 Don’t ever put me and this guy in the same category. Ever. I will dump you in the gulf of Mexico in prime shrimping waters. Do you know what millions of shrimp will do to a cadaver?
F. Gump
TGFD = Dewey Beach Plum Smuggler
Chazz can’t get enough gold man-sacks
Guest@#43/#26…
Why do you find Dewey Beach so fascinating? TGFD hasn’t been there in years. Swill Hole comes to mind when I recall that place.
Anal_Yst@#41…
Goldman’s comps are obviously skewed to the higher end, but skewed or not, their 2009 $900K avg is a lot higher than their 2007 $661K average, which itself was considerably higher than everyone else’s back then.
I guess you answered my question, though. Thank you.
The Guy from Delaware
@28, “Priceless.”
With whom is Goldman Sachs obsessed? It is obsessed with him.
Gasparino is a moron. What does he really know about any of these banks that he comments on. He has never worked inside one and is trying to make a name for himself at the expense of credible journalism while the country is unstable and actually interested in this shit. Someone should go back and note all the crap he misreported during this entire fiasco that put gasoline on this fire (I’m sure the ex-Bear and Lehman boys would fund that) “They’re obsessed with me over there.” — Ha. Does this sound like someone with his head on straight?
@28: FTW, for the day, and possibly for the week.
Looking forward to reviewing the itemized receipts for any of:
Pols/gubmint:
Barney Frank (WSOP-branded 2XL xxxx-plug…$54.99)
Turbo Tim
Larry Summers
Steven Rattner
Ben Bernanke
Nancy Pelosi
Maxine Waters
Eliot Spitzer
Media personalities:
Dennis Kneale
Jim Cramer
D-Rat
Lenny Dykstra
CEOs:
Jimmy Cayne
Richard S. Fuld, Jr.
Kenny Lew
HF/PE Managers:
Steve Cohen
Bill Ackman
Cliff Assness
Lynn Tilton
Thanks, and keep it up.
Bess- the CG stuff is getting brutal. We get it. He takes your calls. Awesome. Can we move on?
@50 clearly you don’t get that the point of these posts are not that he takes her calls but that he’s got a salami where his brain should be and regularly sounds like a function retard. to many of us, that’s funny.
Understood, @51. The dinner was amusing. All the calls are tiring. I am currently looking for a secretary. The job entails basically one function. Are you unemployed?
@52 nope, got a job. Anyway, here’s a suggestion: don’t like the CG posts? don’t read them. I know it’s hard to solve your own problems, so happy to help you out there.
@52=’s CG, DK, or maybe just a garden variety sinner.