• 30 Jul 2009 at 2:54 PM

Fashion Meets Finance: The Hits Just Keep On Coming

By

Oh hell no.

To: DealBreaker
From: [redacted at JPMorgan]
Subject: More FMF identity theft
I scanned the Fashion Meets Finance RVSP list for Dimonites and looked them up in the JPM phonebook (yeah, I have nothing to do). Anyway, many people are wildly overstating their positions and salaries. For example, [redacted] is not an investment manager, but rather “marketing support” (probably helps write the monthly employee newsletter) and likely doesn’t make $200k-$300k as he claims. What a fraud.

What the? But you said? I thought? So…so we can’t trust anything these shmucks tell us afterall?
Update:

To: DealBreaker
From: [redacted at Goldman Sachs]
Subject: FMF identity theft Goldman edition
Bess, i scanned the Goldman directory for these FMF people. Only two people from that list actually work for the firm, both of which overstated their salaries drastically.

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    Comments (73)

    Newer Comments
    1. 1
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 2:58 PM

      redacted at jpm = jd

    2. 2
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 2:58 PM

      False identities, inflated salaries, and scandal? Quelle surprise.

    3. 3
      Posted by highlyconfident | July 30, 2009 at 2:59 PM

      Stevie Cohen’s is apparently inaccurate too – it was supposed to say A2M Instructor/ Enthusiast, not just coordinator.

    4. 4
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:02 PM

      Poor fella, just trying to live the dream for a night.
      DB quotes are the highlight of the work day.

    5. 5
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:03 PM

      It’s gonna turn out that half of these entries are undercover FBI agents and half of them are underage girls desperate for sex.

    6. 6
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:05 PM

      @5 GS Team Law will be there fo sho

    7. 7
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:08 PM

      @6 yea, they have the time for it anyway b/c they are basically back office (still laughing from yesterday’s quote).

    8. 8
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:10 PM

      @5 too soon
      -todd genger

    9. 9
      Posted by Anal_yst | July 30, 2009 at 3:12 PM

      What sorta masochists are these people, putting their full name, “position” and firm on such a profoundly retarded event?
      I mean I’ve done some incredibly stupid sh*t in my day, but come on kiddies, shooting yourself in the foot is no way to do it

    10. 10
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:14 PM

      Less Bevin! You’re attending?!? Well now I HAVE to go…

    11. 11
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:14 PM

      @9: it is a part of a grand scheme to keep the chaff interbreeding.

    12. 12
      Posted by NakedShort | July 30, 2009 at 3:16 PM

      I am pissed that my Colonal P. Tudor Jones RSVP got removed. His position: Balls Deep in KFC

    13. 13
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:16 PM

      Anal_yst – and exactly WHO are you to say whether what I do is or isn’t right???? I didn’t use my REAL name, for Christ’s sake.
      - Iffclay Assnessway

    14. 14
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:16 PM

      I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise…

    15. 15
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:19 PM

      @13 his name is biff bassness. get it right. oh, and ftw.

    16. 16
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:21 PM

      The second email is from Lloyd guaranteed. The “drastically overstated” is the dead giveaway.

    17. 17
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:25 PM

      The Quack Quack signup made me shoot diet coke out my nose. It burns.
      Too bad that signup will vanish within minutes.

    18. 18
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:26 PM

      @16 i thought the same thing.

    19. 19
      Posted by merkin capital partners | July 30, 2009 at 3:30 PM

      Among the many Highbridge CapitAl mgmt employees on bloomberg, their “trader” “Kevin Brown” is not one of them. Shocker.
      Same goes for the “Credit Analysts” at GS and Broker at MS. Though who would lie about being a broker
      Holla back!(office).

    20. 20
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:30 PM

      Awww, crap. They made Bess pull out the Italicized ‘Hell No.’
      If you guys don’t straighten up, there’s gonna be some bloody stumps where your heads were…

    21. 21
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:32 PM

      @16/18 I thought it was the gay British dude…von Trapp something.

    22. 22
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:34 PM

      @ 21 rhymes with fag.

    23. 23
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:35 PM

      @16 – he would have said “whom” and not “which”.

    24. 24
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:36 PM

      @19 you are so on this case, mr. man!

    25. 25
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:41 PM

      I can haz herpes?

    26. 26
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:43 PM

      Its cool ..dumb bimbettes will get what they deserve – rif rafs and scums of the street. And the back office fucktards wont have a hard time convincing the blondes that they are “bond” traders. Its all good.

    27. 27
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:43 PM

      @25 if you attend this event, yes.

    28. 28
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:48 PM

      I’m having WAY too much fun with the FnF signups. Something tells me I may be in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history.

    29. 29
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:51 PM

      Irwin R. Schyster is excellent.

    30. 30
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:51 PM

      Anyone know when and where the HR Meets Accounting event is?

    31. 31
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:53 PM

      @28 Now go play some Polka

    32. 32
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:55 PM

      @26 You are just jealous.
      -007 of bond traders

    33. 33
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:55 PM

      why are they dissing advertising over on FMF?

    34. 34
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 3:57 PM

      I’m a fan of Wayne Kerr at Handbridge. Reminds me of some of the names at http://www.ebolamonkeyman.com.

    35. 35
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:08 PM

      @30… excellent. How true.

    36. 36
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:08 PM

      Vetting Committee
      “Fashion Meets Finance”
      1548 Bollocks St.
      New York, NY 10019
      Dear Mr. Kneale, (aka “Han Delbeeker”–see attached form):
      It has come to our attention that someone or persons unknown may be using your good name to obtain entry to our next “Fashion Meets Finane” sociaal gathering in August of this year. Our vetting committe would like you to peruse the following information and make your own decision re this matter. To wit:
      *Applicant filled out form indicating employment at Dickweed Capital Management”.
      *Applicant was sloppy using written form as evidenced by meatball sandwich stains.
      *Applicant left scent of “Axe Chocolate” permiating application.
      *Applicant listed income in “gazillions”.
      *Applicant submitted obviously “ripped” Maybach magazine ad in “Automotive” part of application.
      Please review this application as to whether or not it is truly yours.
      Regards,
      Fashion Meets Finance Applicant Vetting Committee

    37. 37
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:10 PM

      Name: Paul Walnutz
      Co: Morgan Stanley
      Position: Distressed Credit Recovery
      They even put the picture of Paulie.
      Someone should nuke that place once full.

    38. 38
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:10 PM

      April Spinelli is very close to giving some upskirt action.

    39. 39
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:12 PM

      Say what you will about the event, but I am really pumped to meet the “Million Dollar Man.” Those that do not attend will truely miss out.

    40. 40
      Posted by NakedShort | July 30, 2009 at 4:20 PM

      @39 is he going to be escorted by his body guard Virgil?

    41. 41
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:22 PM

      Where is my invitation?
      –Maxine Waters

    42. 42
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:23 PM

      Harry Balzac, the Power Bottom at Strappon Harnesswesr is sure to be rejected. And deleted.
      Butt funny while it lasted.
      (See what I did there?)

    43. 43
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:31 PM

      So – when are the FnF geniuses going to lock down signups? It’s getting fairly silly, and they’re not deleting them so quickly any more.

    44. 44
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:32 PM

      “Blanus Michaels”
      Breaking Media
      Admin Assist.
      Greg Greg Greg…

    45. 45
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:32 PM

      @42…..Harry was still there 3rd from the bottom if you use the original thread’s link.

    46. 46
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:35 PM

      The He-Man thing is now officially killing me.

    47. 47
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:39 PM

      @46 what is “the he-man” thing?

    48. 48
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:40 PM

      @46 Hi-larious. Looks like someone stepped it up a notch with animated gifs.
      I’m trying really hard not to laugh out load and scare my co-workers.

    49. 49
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:40 PM

      @46 If I watch that animation anymore I will be insane

    50. 50
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:41 PM

      OK, which one of you clowns signed up as Risk Manager for BCCI?

    51. 51
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:43 PM

      http://www.pocketchangenyc.com/fmf/photos/Heigh.Mann@gmail.com_heman.gif

    52. 52
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:43 PM

      It appears our mixing bowl friend made bail…

    53. 53
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:47 PM

      whoever threw this one up, well done.
      http://www.pocketchangenyc.com/fmf/viewPhoto.php?imgID=4006

    54. 54
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:49 PM

      MoneyShot Novelties and Toys
      North American Marketing
      1818 Butterface Road
      Omaha, NE 68105
      MEMO
      Date 07-30-09
      TO North American Sales (Omaha)
      From R. E. Strainer, VP North American Sales
      Subj Annual NYC FMF August Festivities
      ********************
      Gang:
      I am well aware that all of you wish to atten the next FMF in NYC. That is well and good but we can’t send everyone to the party and leave our “niche” fashion business by itself as we enter out pre-holidays sales push. As such, I’ve had to make some rough trade decisions so here is the plan by sales group:
      Lotions, Lubes and Oils: Fell free to slip out and attend the FMF in NYC. Although sales slipped a bit you’ve done a good job of lubing up the prospects we discussed in the spring. Your driving efforts were nothing to spit at and we appreciate them. Sales in the State of KY were great!
      Restraints, Strap-ons and Ticklers: Please pick an alternate to attend and use a safe word that only management will know so as not to alarm members left dangling in hopes of going.
      Leather Zippered Face Masks and Gag Balls: While sales were up among financial occupation customers and oil and gas originators, institutional and government sales were down somewhat compared to the same period y-o-y. Maybe next year, OK? Sorry. We need you here.
      Let’s all work hard to make 2009 a great year as we approach the finish. A smile will do wonders for your facial appearance at the FMF and remember that you are ambassadors for MoneyShot Novelties and Toys. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!!

    55. 55
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 4:59 PM

      OK, now that site has jumped the shark and has gone from sublime to ridiculous. I expect an purge anytime soon.

    56. 56
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 5:01 PM

      @55 which site? FMF? nah, they’ll let the new submissions stay, guarantee it. why would they pass up the chance to let ppl think stevie cohen and robin katz are attending?

    57. 57
      Posted by HeadlessHorseman | July 30, 2009 at 5:07 PM

      @52,53 &56
      “Richard (Dick) Aupinmee” from the prestigous firm of “JO&C Associates” apparently didn’t fly, and that was the next best thing I could come up with.
      Over/under on when she’s accepted?

    58. 58
      Posted by Anal_yst | July 30, 2009 at 5:11 PM

      @51
      Can we get a damn warning before you post crap like that, that’s incredible, i laughed, i cried, I got many strange looks…

    59. 59
      Posted by highlyconfident | July 30, 2009 at 7:09 PM

      @51 funniest thing I have seen in a WHILE

    60. 60
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 7:10 PM

      1) Conveniently leave “Technology” off the end of my department name
      2) Increase salary by an order of magnitude
      3) Score some D-list girls at FMF
      Livin’ the dream, baby.
      - Technology Intern

    61. 61
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 8:18 PM

      Me and the boys may show up at this event…
      outside in the shadows.
      TRB

    62. 62
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 8:27 PM

      not sure if this one counts as fashion or finance but she looks like sarah jessica parker’s retarded cousin
      go get your banker skank
      http://twitter.com/account/profile_image/MerrieFB?hreflang=en

    63. 63
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 8:35 PM

      First – All the jokers on FMF need to take a step back and go fuk their own face
      Second – Someone needs to get all these retards in a room and tell them that a fukin monkey could do their job
      - Les Grossman

    64. 64
      Posted by trojan | July 30, 2009 at 8:45 PM

      @analyst
      sadly, strong island knows how to represent.

    65. 65
      Posted by guest | July 30, 2009 at 9:00 PM

      To all who liked the He-Man animated GIF – glad you enjoyed it. I’ve been holding onto that for a while waiting for the perfect time to post – this couldn’t have been better.

    66. 66
      Posted by guest | July 31, 2009 at 1:49 AM

      There was a version of the he-man gif with the partyboy theme playing in the background, really gives it a big boost.

    67. 67
      Posted by guest | July 31, 2009 at 9:30 AM

      200k at KPMG? riiiight.

    68. 68
      Posted by guest | August 5, 2009 at 12:28 AM

      Those fools are exposing everyone’s email address:
      http://www.pocketchangenyc.com/fmf/photos/
      Oops.

    69. 69
      Posted by Jared | July 24, 2010 at 11:18 AM

      I didn’t know this… but I feel scammed for sure! What a piece of crap.. When are we storming the doors?
      -Jared
      Digital Scales

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