• 17 Jul 2009 at 2:41 PM

JPMorgan Analyst Picks Up Food Eating Challenge

Picture 1747.pngNo doubt inspired, or more likely sickened, by yesterday’s food eating failure, an analyst at JPMorgan is endeavoring to prove there exists a financial services hack on Wall Street still able to complete a measly challenge without claiming his stomach lining is too sensitive to finish the damn thing. One of every item in the vending machine, unclear on the time limit (one was not specified to us, which we’re going to hope was an oversight). According to an onlooker, “I just smacked his belly and it sounded like a 55 gallon drum.”
DONE: Special K bar, Wheat Thins, Oreo Snack cookies, Pop Corn (unpopped), Lays Potato Chips, Kit Kat, Gold Roll Pretzels, M&Ms Peanuts, Doritos, Almond Joy, Cheetos, Sun Chips Cheddar, Frito Lays Original, Cheez-It, Gold Honey Wheat Braids, Fig Newtons, Oreo Cookies, Short Bread Cookies, Pop Tarts Strawberry, Famous Amos Chocolate Chips, Animal Crackers, Twizzlers, Snack Wells Crème Sandwich, Twix, Rice Krispy Treat.
LEFT:M&Ms, Starburst, Ruger Wafers Chocolate, Ruger Wafers Vanilla, Snickers, 3 Musketeers, Hershey Bar, Raisinets, Welch’s Fruit Snacks, Skittles.
We’ll keep you posted.
Update: “Two of those Ruger Waffers and five blue M&Ms to go.”
Update II: DONE. We’re now told it was a 4-hour time limit (so: really that hard?), with $1,000 at stake.

Comments (113)

  1. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 2:49 PM

    I thought Joey Chestnut was MD

  2. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 2:50 PM

    Unpopped pop corn?

  3. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 2:52 PM

    That sounds way worse than 63 McNuggets.
    Any word on how that kid’s feeling today?

  4. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 2:54 PM

    How many times can he hurl?

  5. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 2:54 PM

    Fruit Snacks may be his Waterloo…tough to chew, can get stuck in the teeth, and lots of volume that late in the game.

  6. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 2:56 PM

    What no gum??? That’s the real killer in these things!
    Of course, unpopped popcorn is pretty f’ing rough!

  7. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 2:57 PM

    that’s right bitches, watch me go!
    -jd

  8. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 2:58 PM

    unpopped popcorn? wtf?

  9. Posted by Stuman68 | July 17, 2009 at 2:58 PM

    He’s feeling fine. He ate the unpopped corn throughout the day. He’s down to 1 pack of Ruger Wafers, 1/2 each of M&Ms and Skittles..

  10. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:01 PM

    Unpopped? WTF? Dude’s ass is going to be like a pellet gun.

  11. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:03 PM

    He’ll pop his cookies at the Hershey squirts.

  12. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:04 PM

    This is a fuckin’ snack. Plebes.
    -Stevie C

  13. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:06 PM

    “unclear on the time limit (one was not specified to us, which we’re going to hope was an oversight)”
    Knowing JPM, it was likely an oversight.

  14. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    Fuck that. Skittles? that by itself constitutes a hurl

  15. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    go! go! go! go! go!

  16. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    hey- new IB branding @ J.P. Morgan, Bess

  17. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:08 PM

    I pretty much do charity work for a living, so i’m quite familiar with the vending machine offerings.. so far, I’m pretty impressed.
    The animal crackers are by far the best bang for your buck. 55 cents for 2 servings. I’ve made a lunch many times off of those animal crackers.
    The Famous Amos Cookies are bangin’ but you gotta get the Oatmeal Raisin. The Chocolate Chip is lacking.
    I have no idea why someone in their right mind would eat popcorn unpopped. His ass is going to be torn to shreds later.

  18. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:09 PM

    I know who this guy is. I sht you not he’s about 5’9″ and like 180 lbs

  19. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:10 PM


    Posted by guest , Jul 17, 2009 3:01PM
    Unpopped? WTF? Dude’s ass is going to be like a pellet gun.

    You just made my Friday.

  20. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:11 PM

    GO! WE BELIEVE IN YOU!!
    DO IT FOR MJ!

  21. Posted by Stuman68 | July 17, 2009 at 3:12 PM

    Down to 3 wafers left and half a bag of Skittles.

  22. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:12 PM

    Youuu can dooo it! Go Go Go!

  23. Posted by NakedShort | July 17, 2009 at 3:12 PM

    @23 what was the time limit?

  24. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:13 PM

    lmfao at the “Unpopped popcorn” he has to eat

  25. Posted by Stuman68 | July 17, 2009 at 3:15 PM

    Down to 3 wafers left and half a bag of Skittles.

  26. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:20 PM

    What division is the kid in?

  27. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:22 PM

    “The animal crackers are by far the best bang for your buck. 55 cents for 2 servings. I’ve made a lunch many times off of those animal crackers.”
    Who let the poors on here?!

  28. Posted by Stuman68 | July 17, 2009 at 3:23 PM

    DONE!!!!!!!!!

  29. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:23 PM
  30. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:23 PM

    @26 by kid do you mean champion?

  31. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:24 PM

    “Dude’s ass is going to be like a pellet gun.”
    welcome to my Friday night.
    -ping jiang

  32. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:24 PM

    Re: Bang for your buck
    Animal crackers, but you can’t forget about the Rold Gold. Those bitches fill you up and cost about $0.85 in my machine.

  33. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:26 PM

    applause

  34. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:28 PM

    @18 … shit us not? 5’8” and 180 is not that unusual .. maybe a little on the heavy side nothing crazy

  35. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:31 PM

    I appreciate the effort but a couple of fun size snacks and this kid is still not man enough to wipe the sweat from Oyster Boy’s chin.

  36. Posted by NakedShort | July 17, 2009 at 3:31 PM

    Post Challenge Photo:
    http://twitpic.com/aob4y

  37. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:33 PM

    This better not have been funded with TARP monies.

  38. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:34 PM

    “this kid is still not man enough to wipe the sweat from Oyster Boy’s chin.”
    who is?

  39. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:37 PM

    @36 looks like Gaspo from back in the day, before he started cutting his hair so tight and clean.

  40. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:37 PM

    @37 – No, just monies from the increased credit card rates and fees on MW’s constituents

  41. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:41 PM

    “This better not have been funded with TARP monies.”
    nice

  42. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:41 PM

    Awesome dude!
    Without question the Vending Machine Challenge is my favorite.
    If I’m not mistaken this is the first successful attempt. Right?
    SPODE

  43. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:43 PM

    Now MDs are holing him down with a sonogram machine trying to pop the damn popcorn!

  44. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:44 PM

    Now MDs are holding him down with a sonogram machine trying to pop the damn popcorn!

  45. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:46 PM

    Unpopped pocorn ?
    That dudes gonna be “dropping a lot of kids in the pool” tomorrow, sooner if the raisins from the oatmeal cookies kick in.

  46. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:46 PM

    Unpopped popcorn ?
    That dudes gonna be “dropping a lot of kids in the pool” tomorrow, sooner if the raisins from the oatmeal cookies kick in.

  47. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:49 PM

    @45/46 what if the raisins from the oatmeal cookies kick in?

  48. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:50 PM

    @47 oh dear!

  49. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:51 PM

    NakedShort @36- “It’s OK Greg, things will be better tomorrow.”
    And check out the white guy, you can see his crack. Bess brought that to my attention.
    SPODE

  50. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:53 PM

    @47 – thereby speeding up the digestive/alimentary/evacuation process, provided they are not offset by the cheese-related products.

  51. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 3:53 PM

    NakedShort @36- “It’s OK Greg, things will be better tomorrow.”
    And check out the white guy, you can see his crack. Bess brought that to my attention.
    SPODE

  52. Posted by NakedShort | July 17, 2009 at 3:58 PM

    SPODE totally missed the crack; that pic is a win on so many different levels.

  53. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 4:05 PM

    @Naked- And how about those white suede shoes. That picture is incredible, right click, save, desktop.
    SPODE

  54. Posted by HeadlessHorseman | July 17, 2009 at 4:15 PM

    @42
    First successful completion I’ve seen chronicled on DB.

  55. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 4:19 PM

    9,642 calories is a lot for 4 hours..

  56. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 4:19 PM

    9,642 calories is a lot for 4 hours..

  57. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 4:20 PM

    Hey @54,
    Why don’t you go over to Fashionista? They would really like you. Seriously. Do it.
    The Prince of Stamford

  58. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 4:21 PM

    4 hours seems long

  59. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 4:30 PM

    Get tuu daa chopppa!!

  60. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 4:31 PM

    this is resselant!!!

  61. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    hats off

  62. Posted by Investorcluzo | July 17, 2009 at 4:43 PM

    @36 – twitpic FTW! well done sir.

  63. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 5:00 PM

    Chuck Norris can def. do this as well

  64. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 5:09 PM

    summer analyst at BMO in Toronto did in May but with 45 items, including popped popcorn, 1 pack of rolaids, and 4 packs of halls

  65. Posted by guest | July 17, 2009 at 6:32 PM

    Goddamn I love that picture @36. If I didn’t have any pants on and someone was putting their arm around me I’d probably get real nervous too.

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