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JPMorgan Analyst Picks Up Food Eating Challenge

Picture 1747.pngNo doubt inspired, or more likely sickened, by yesterday’s food eating failure, an analyst at JPMorgan is endeavoring to prove there exists a financial services hack on Wall Street still able to complete a measly challenge without claiming his stomach lining is too sensitive to finish the damn thing. One of every item in the vending machine, unclear on the time limit (one was not specified to us, which we’re going to hope was an oversight). According to an onlooker, “I just smacked his belly and it sounded like a 55 gallon drum.”
DONE: Special K bar, Wheat Thins, Oreo Snack cookies, Pop Corn (unpopped), Lays Potato Chips, Kit Kat, Gold Roll Pretzels, M&Ms Peanuts, Doritos, Almond Joy, Cheetos, Sun Chips Cheddar, Frito Lays Original, Cheez-It, Gold Honey Wheat Braids, Fig Newtons, Oreo Cookies, Short Bread Cookies, Pop Tarts Strawberry, Famous Amos Chocolate Chips, Animal Crackers, Twizzlers, Snack Wells Crème Sandwich, Twix, Rice Krispy Treat.
LEFT:M&Ms, Starburst, Ruger Wafers Chocolate, Ruger Wafers Vanilla, Snickers, 3 Musketeers, Hershey Bar, Raisinets, Welch’s Fruit Snacks, Skittles.
We’ll keep you posted.
Update: “Two of those Ruger Waffers and five blue M&Ms to go.”
Update II: DONE. We’re now told it was a 4-hour time limit (so: really that hard?), with $1,000 at stake.

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113 Responses to “JPMorgan Analyst Picks Up Food Eating Challenge”

  1. guest says:

    I thought Joey Chestnut was MD

  2. guest says:

    Unpopped pop corn?

  3. guest says:

    That sounds way worse than 63 McNuggets.
    Any word on how that kid’s feeling today?

  4. guest says:

    How many times can he hurl?

  5. guest says:

    Fruit Snacks may be his Waterloo…tough to chew, can get stuck in the teeth, and lots of volume that late in the game.

  6. guest says:

    What no gum??? That’s the real killer in these things!
    Of course, unpopped popcorn is pretty f’ing rough!

  7. guest says:

    that’s right bitches, watch me go!
    -jd

  8. guest says:

    unpopped popcorn? wtf?

  9. Stuman68 says:

    He’s feeling fine. He ate the unpopped corn throughout the day. He’s down to 1 pack of Ruger Wafers, 1/2 each of M&Ms and Skittles..

  10. guest says:

    Unpopped? WTF? Dude’s ass is going to be like a pellet gun.

  11. guest says:

    He’ll pop his cookies at the Hershey squirts.

  12. guest says:

    This is a fuckin’ snack. Plebes.
    -Stevie C

  13. guest says:

    “unclear on the time limit (one was not specified to us, which we’re going to hope was an oversight)”
    Knowing JPM, it was likely an oversight.

  14. guest says:

    Fuck that. Skittles? that by itself constitutes a hurl

  15. guest says:

    go! go! go! go! go!

  16. guest says:

    hey- new IB branding @ J.P. Morgan, Bess

  17. guest says:

    I pretty much do charity work for a living, so i’m quite familiar with the vending machine offerings.. so far, I’m pretty impressed.
    The animal crackers are by far the best bang for your buck. 55 cents for 2 servings. I’ve made a lunch many times off of those animal crackers.
    The Famous Amos Cookies are bangin’ but you gotta get the Oatmeal Raisin. The Chocolate Chip is lacking.
    I have no idea why someone in their right mind would eat popcorn unpopped. His ass is going to be torn to shreds later.

  18. guest says:

    I know who this guy is. I sht you not he’s about 5’9″ and like 180 lbs

  19. guest says:


    Posted by guest , Jul 17, 2009 3:01PM
    Unpopped? WTF? Dude’s ass is going to be like a pellet gun.

    You just made my Friday.

  20. guest says:

    GO! WE BELIEVE IN YOU!!
    DO IT FOR MJ!

  21. Stuman68 says:

    Down to 3 wafers left and half a bag of Skittles.

  22. guest says:

    Youuu can dooo it! Go Go Go!

  23. NakedShort says:

    @23 what was the time limit?

  24. guest says:

    lmfao at the “Unpopped popcorn” he has to eat

  25. Stuman68 says:

    Down to 3 wafers left and half a bag of Skittles.

  26. guest says:

    What division is the kid in?

  27. guest says:

    “The animal crackers are by far the best bang for your buck. 55 cents for 2 servings. I’ve made a lunch many times off of those animal crackers.”
    Who let the poors on here?!

  28. Stuman68 says:

    DONE!!!!!!!!!

  29. guest says:

    @26 by kid do you mean champion?

  30. guest says:

    “Dude’s ass is going to be like a pellet gun.”
    welcome to my Friday night.
    -ping jiang

  31. guest says:

    Re: Bang for your buck
    Animal crackers, but you can’t forget about the Rold Gold. Those bitches fill you up and cost about $0.85 in my machine.

  32. guest says:

    applause

  33. guest says:

    @18 … shit us not? 5’8” and 180 is not that unusual .. maybe a little on the heavy side nothing crazy

  34. guest says:

    I appreciate the effort but a couple of fun size snacks and this kid is still not man enough to wipe the sweat from Oyster Boy’s chin.

  35. NakedShort says:

    Post Challenge Photo:
    http://twitpic.com/aob4y

  36. guest says:

    This better not have been funded with TARP monies.

  37. guest says:

    “this kid is still not man enough to wipe the sweat from Oyster Boy’s chin.”
    who is?

  38. guest says:

    @36 looks like Gaspo from back in the day, before he started cutting his hair so tight and clean.

  39. guest says:

    @37 – No, just monies from the increased credit card rates and fees on MW’s constituents

  40. guest says:

    “This better not have been funded with TARP monies.”
    nice

  41. guest says:

    Awesome dude!
    Without question the Vending Machine Challenge is my favorite.
    If I’m not mistaken this is the first successful attempt. Right?
    SPODE

  42. guest says:

    Now MDs are holing him down with a sonogram machine trying to pop the damn popcorn!

  43. guest says:

    Now MDs are holding him down with a sonogram machine trying to pop the damn popcorn!

  44. guest says:

    Unpopped pocorn ?
    That dudes gonna be “dropping a lot of kids in the pool” tomorrow, sooner if the raisins from the oatmeal cookies kick in.

  45. guest says:

    Unpopped popcorn ?
    That dudes gonna be “dropping a lot of kids in the pool” tomorrow, sooner if the raisins from the oatmeal cookies kick in.

  46. guest says:

    @45/46 what if the raisins from the oatmeal cookies kick in?

  47. guest says:

    @47 oh dear!

  48. guest says:

    NakedShort @36- “It’s OK Greg, things will be better tomorrow.”
    And check out the white guy, you can see his crack. Bess brought that to my attention.
    SPODE

  49. guest says:

    @47 – thereby speeding up the digestive/alimentary/evacuation process, provided they are not offset by the cheese-related products.

  50. guest says:

    NakedShort @36- “It’s OK Greg, things will be better tomorrow.”
    And check out the white guy, you can see his crack. Bess brought that to my attention.
    SPODE

  51. NakedShort says:

    SPODE totally missed the crack; that pic is a win on so many different levels.

  52. guest says:

    @Naked- And how about those white suede shoes. That picture is incredible, right click, save, desktop.
    SPODE

  53. HeadlessHorseman says:

    @42
    First successful completion I’ve seen chronicled on DB.

  54. guest says:

    9,642 calories is a lot for 4 hours..

  55. guest says:

    9,642 calories is a lot for 4 hours..

  56. guest says:

    Hey @54,
    Why don’t you go over to Fashionista? They would really like you. Seriously. Do it.
    The Prince of Stamford

  57. guest says:

    4 hours seems long

  58. guest says:

    Get tuu daa chopppa!!

  59. guest says:

    this is resselant!!!

  60. guest says:

    hats off

  61. Investorcluzo says:

    @36 – twitpic FTW! well done sir.

  62. guest says:

    Chuck Norris can def. do this as well

  63. guest says:

    summer analyst at BMO in Toronto did in May but with 45 items, including popped popcorn, 1 pack of rolaids, and 4 packs of halls

  64. guest says:

    Goddamn I love that picture @36. If I didn’t have any pants on and someone was putting their arm around me I’d probably get real nervous too.

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