James Dimon that is-- and it's not just the ladies. The government, the people, the press, the president-- everyone wants to break themselves off a piece of that. While many, ourselves included, have been worshiping at the Church of JD for sometime now, mostly because there's just something so right about the way he'll cut people down with dismissive statements (Guy Moszkowski and Vikram Pandit know what we're talking about) and because he is a regulation hottie, everyone is now taking a ride on the Dimon bandwagon.
At New York, Heidi Moore has anointed the CEO both a king and (Greek) God, noting that while four banks recorded profits in the multi-billions last week, the media quickly dismissed those Goldman (because GS is, according to some, spawn of Satan) and Citi/BofA (because, you know), throwing panties only in the direction of one: JPMorgan. Additionally, "Main Street" doesn't want him dead, which is more than a few of his colleagues can say. Over at the Times, we're told that Jamie has a direct line to Rahm Emanuel, and that the King is the only one on earth who can make Rahm-bo's knees weak. Also, the Gray Lady takes pains to make sure we know that even though Goldman made more money than JPMorgan last quarter, Dimon is significantly taller than Lloyd Blankfein and as you ladies all know, height counts.
But maybe you've yet to be convinced J-Diz is something to get worked up over? Maybe you need a little more proof that it's not just the press and the peasants who want somea that? Perhaps a celeb endorsement?
During one such meeting in late March, as Citigroup's chairman, Richard D. Parsons, was trying to explain banks and lending, the president interrupted with a quip: "All right, I'll talk to Jamie."
Burn! It's unfortunate, of course, that the anecdote had to involve a Citi official, since, let's be honest, the explanation probably really didn't make any sense at all and somehow involved Charleston Chews, and given the choice between getting a lesson in the money from someone who works at C and someone who works at JPM, you gotta go with the latter but the fact remains: suck it, Parsons et al. The Prez only has eyes for his boy (toy CEO).
Posted by merkin capital partners , Jul 20, 2009 9:38AM
that is an excellent tag. 7/20 will be forever known as JDCWD.
Posted by wcburrs87 , Jul 20, 2009 9:38AM
I swear I know that chick. Went to UF.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 9:39AM
Would anything make Bess happier than getting tag teamed by Jamie and Gaspo? We can only happen that on the 6 vodka-tonic-plus-bottle-of-wine-pregame-besotted night that this happens that Charlie happened to bring his digital camcorder, complete with green nightvision mode.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 9:39AM
Is that a Mike's sub in his hand?
Is he in Seaside hts?
Posted by sourceclosetodiscussions , Jul 20, 2009 9:40AM
bess, your grasp of all that is old school makes me <3 you. well done.
Posted by Bess Levin , Jul 20, 2009 9:44AM
@3 I drink vodka gimlets, not tonics.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 9:46AM
The girl in the photo "could be anyone", or she could be his daughter, which as it turns out, she is; this photo is reportedly lifted from her Facebook account.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 9:47AM
@7 reading comprehension is key. the note that she "could be anyone" was meant to imply that we (the people, the press, the president) are all that girl, with regard to a love of Jamie Dimon, and not that no one knows who the girl in the pic is.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 9:48AM
The girl in the picture is Lloyd Blankfein, and before you ask, yes, he is ok with wearing a wig sometimes.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 9:50AM
@7 the girl in the picture is me, you piece of garbage.
-cliff asness
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 9:52AM
@7
Look, I'm sure his daughter wants to bang him, too.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 9:56AM
@11 -- FTW! Excellent point.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 9:56AM
He learned from the best, Sandy, Repeal-the-Regulations, Weill
Posted by wcburrs87 , Jul 20, 2009 9:56AM
Is that really his daughter?
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 9:59AM
@14 are you really my mother?
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:01AM
bork bork bork
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:02AM
God I'd like a bite some of that off
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:04AM
speaking of regulation hotties, that sandwich looks damn good.
-fattie banker
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:06AM
The girl is ME, bitches.
-ping j
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:07AM
She looks like the "out by 9, in bed by 12, out again by 1" kinda girl
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:08AM
Ang Moz is very jealous of his tan.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:08AM
18- http://www.jerseymikes.com/
extra oil and vinny from the root beer bottle
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:11AM
@20 which is to say, she sounds looks like your sister.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:11AM
What handsome looking Catholic gentleman.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:13AM
24 = Pope Benedict XVI
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:13AM
I'm not sure if I'd rather clown-face JD or his daughter. Tough call.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:15AM
@26 you don't clownface JD, you gently but passionately make love to him.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:17AM
@24 - JD is not Catholic you fucking idiot.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:18AM
@28 you are correct, he's Greek Orthodox, but take it easy.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:20AM
Who are you calling an idiot, friendo?
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:24AM
Jamie Dimon is a muslin.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:25AM
What is a muslin? Is it like a Joo?
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:25AM
I'd hit it.
-maria b
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:35AM
@32
An A-rab, yankee boy!
-KL
Posted by Novice , Jul 20, 2009 10:39AM
@34
Ken,
It may be five o'clock in Tehran but they don't allow liquor there. Ditto public comments without the approval of the Ayatollah (me). Take a hint.
-Walt Massey
PS- I thought Heidi wrote for one of the Journal's blogs?
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:49AM
@33, of course you refer to the sandwich. Given that JD is about 5'3" the young lady is tiny.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:50AM
2 in the bush, one in the tush?
-E. Muldaver
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:53AM
"given that JD is about 5'3"
are you some kind of idiot? he's more like 5'10, 5'11. if jd is 5'3, that would make blankfein 4'5: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/19/business/19dimon.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=business
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 10:54AM
Perhaps now would be a good time to remind everyone of JPM's glorious history as a co whose founder was a draft dodger (paid someone to take his place during Civil War) and war profiteer (JPM had the exclusives supply contracts/agent for UK + France govts WWI). The fact that JPM also sold piles of European war bonds to US investors meant that they had more than a passing interest in the conflicts outcome - ie the US needed to get involved for Europe to win (and pay its bond holders). Wonder if that is covered in the new hire indoc program...
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 11:07AM
'I'm a buyer'. Pierpont saved the market, the economy, and probs capitalism, @39. You've heard of free markets and capitalism? Get your shinebox and GTF back to yahoo finc.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 11:22AM
39 Very helpful. Are any of these institutions tained with slave trading as well? I'd want to know about that too if I was considering doing business with or working for any of them. I'm watching the screen, waiting patiently.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 11:28AM
@41: I read in Rolling Stone that GS created the slave trade bubble.
They are now short African slave ships and long North Korean slave camps.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 11:39AM
Is it harder to become an analyst at JPM or GS?
Posted by HeadlessHorseman , Jul 20, 2009 11:41AM
@39
Assuming, for the sake of argument, that you've done your homework and are correct in your assertions (which I find unlikely), so what?
Should we start penalizing today's businesses for the questionable judgment exercised by their founders...and go back hundreds of years no less (your civil war example)? If that’s the standard you desire, I’d like to punish your mother right about now for hunting down another imbecile, comparable to herself in terms of mental deficiency, and then fumbling through the mechanics necessary for procreation. Eighteen years ago, while presumably tangled up in their clothes preparing for bed, two retards fell on each other. Nine months later while attempting a really big shit your mother graced the world with your presence. Too bad the toilet got clogged.
I can only surmise that you must be a socialist toady that thinks any business turning a profit to be corrupt (by definition in your head). Are you seriously alleging that the United States entered WWII at least in part because it would have been bad business for JPM had no action been taken? This just in: it would have been bad for the entirety of Western Europe and North America (and no doubt eventually Asia, South America, Africa and etcetera) had the US not involved itself in WWII. Be careful posting on internet comment sections…the aliens that planted that chip might determine that you now know too much and decide to reclaim you for some additional probing.
And to think that I had the audacity to question the degradation of DB's comments section this past Friday. 40+ comments nearly all of which fail (save for #18 which was actually funny). Just another day of morons letting the pigeon shit drizzle from their ears and onto DB’s comment section.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 11:47AM
Hey Headless, keep up the good work! You are really on to something!
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 11:53AM
OK, HH, admit it that you took the bait hook line and sinker.
guest, Ph. D.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 11:55AM
Not to defend 39, but those of you who shat on him need to make sure your head is on straight when it comes to figuring out who is and is not pro-capitalism out there. Despite GS and JPM's honest facilitation of capital allocation in some instances, they've long been at the corporatist government teat, as are quite a few other businesses out there.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 12:00PM
mmm... teats
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 12:01PM
44
39 referenced WWI not WWI. Before you rip somebodies head off you might want to get the basic facts of their post right. It is highly debateable whether the U.S. should have entered WWI. I think the world would probably be a better place right now if we hadn't.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 12:01PM
44
39 referenced WWI not WWI. Before you rip somebodies head off you might want to get the basic facts of their post right. It is highly debateable whether the U.S. should have entered WWI. I think the world would probably be a better place right now if we hadn't.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 12:04PM
Yeah I double posted. I suck..they really need to rewrite the commenting software.
Posted by HeadlessHorseman , Jul 20, 2009 12:07PM
@46
If that was really you, nicely done! Played me like Stephen Dent. Bess can confirm via the IP address.
I am, however, skeptical that the subsequent 43 commentators were working in concert, but I suppose anything is possible.
@44
My bad. I'll assume by the typo in your own post that you can appreciate how easily I misread #39 (which excluded any differentiatiing context) Still, your point is well-taken. Perahps I was a little to eager to tee one up?
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 12:13PM
OH HH, you so crazy. What would DB be without you.
an admirer
Posted by HeadlessHorseman , Jul 20, 2009 12:36PM
The second part of comment 52 should have read @49/50...point of clarification.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 12:41PM
for those truly interested in JPM's history have a read of The Creature From Jekyll Island (Edward Griffin), judge for yourself. As for draft dodging it is a fact, JPM paid someone to take his spot (not uncommon apparently for people of means at the time). As for banking and politics to assume that one has nothing to do with the other is simply idiotic. Rothchilds built his business off of conflict and playing both sides of the political fence. NYC's Jacob Schiff (of Lehman precursor Kuhn, Loeb) financed (among many other dubious deals) Germany's IG Farben, maker of, among other things, Zyklon B. Wall Street money also financed Trotsky et al, know your history before spouting (@ 40, 41, 44).
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 12:45PM
can you guys can it with the fucking history lesson and get back to celebrating the holiday, JDCWD? thanks.
-jd
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 12:54PM
You'd think with all his money he'd get his daughter's face fixed.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 12:56PM
@57 really, really stupid.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 1:04PM
@58 - But also really, really funny. (not 57)
HH - Maybe, except it becomes relevant/fair game when the company itself touts its 'corporate culture' and history as selling points.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 1:30PM
@ HH- Best comment of the day!
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 1:32PM
@55: Or you could read The House of Morgan.
http://www.amazon.com/House-Morgan-American-Banking-Dynasty/dp/0802138292/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1248111025&sr=1-1
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 1:54PM
Headless-
Another hard day at work? Taking just a minute to check the comments and publish dissertation length posts followed by multiple rebuttals? Clearly, you are upset by by all the clutter, b/c it takes floor space away from your masterbatorial posts that take 300 words to make a 10 word point.
Posted by HeadlessHorseman , Jul 20, 2009 2:12PM
@55 & 61
Good looking out. Anyone who's read both have a preference for one over the other?
@59
Although JPM's history may be more colorful than many, I've yet to find an employer that isn't hung up about how prestigious and benevolent it is. To that end, #39's comment is still casting a pretty large net.
Moreover, I still fail to see how the inauguration of JDCWD is the appropriate time to point out anything that happened at some bank between 40 and 90 years before Dimon was even born (let alone becoming in any way involved with said bank). As #56 (quite possibly Jimmy Cayne masquerading as JD) has pointed out, we must not allow the soiled history of an institution to besmirch or otherwise detract from a day set aside for unabashed phallus worship.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 2:20PM
@63 / HH - "...we must not allow the soiled history of an institution to besmirch or otherwise detract from a day set aside for unabashed phallus worship."
Good point. Bashing other commenters or hosting a JPM book review...that doesn't detract at all. Thanks for the post though Pot.
-Kettle / #59
Posted by HeadlessHorseman , Jul 20, 2009 3:34PM
@62
So I enjoy bickering with retards such as yourself via the internet more than bickering with the retards at my job? You win...you always do.
In addition, you’ll note that most of the regular/humorous commentators don’t take issue with me. While I undoubtedly may annoy them from time to time with my tactics and whining, I can only assume that they appreciate me as well-intentioned and somewhat entertaining. Methinks it’s the large number of thin-skinned morons continually posting drivel as a “guest” (among the few guests that actually get it) that take issue with my taking issue. For instance, right about now I suspect there’s a tree missing its monkey.
@59/64
My second paragraph was taking another shot at 39's comment while simultaneously and sarcastically mocking 56's feigned exasperation at the notion that I was stealing JD's glory. For bonus points, I also worked in a reference to JC's homoerotic infatuations (as discussed in a subsequent post today). When in doubt, assume sarcasm.
Sorry that any attempt to get something of value (a book recommendation) from the peanut gallery was so bothersome. If you stick around for a bit, you'll note that these comment sections very often take on a life of their own even without my meddling. Moreover, if you post enough, you too will eventually warrant criticism as a hypocrite. To the extent that they (at least) attempt to be humorous, I actually don’t mind off-topic comments.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 3:50PM
@65
You must think of yourself as a big swinging dick or a man with no brains. Same thing, don't sweat it out.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2009 4:12PM
@65 - You've ironically got a pretty good head on your shoulders, you're all right.
-59/64/67