Sorry for the all-caps but guess what I’m not sorry because this is the one we’ve been waiting for. In an interview with Dan Patrick, L-Dykes says that after turning down twenty offers, he’s finally decided to follow in the footsteps of the greats (The Buse, Stephen Baldwin, Haim and Feldman) and give us what we want: an all-access pass to Lenny town. What will the show be about? “Reality,” Nails says. “Life man. Living the dream.” Later, Nails claims that he and Jim Cramer are still tight, and that JC is really broken up about what happened, which strikes us as a crock since he’s yet to turn Mad Money into a Save Nails telethon, which is what a true friend would do. Also:
- “I still have the jet” (despite evidence the contrary– the private plane was taken away in February– we pray to the god of brain damaged all-stars this is true, as you know how LD feels about flying commercial)
- “If I have to live in the street I would”
- “If I have to eat grass I will”
- “Thousands of people still invest with me” (and every tip he’s dispensed has “worked out”)
- “I only sleep twice a week. You caught me on my sleep day.”
Take ten and listen to the whole thing now, or take the rest of the day and play it on loop. I don’t have to tell you it will not disappoint.
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fuck hell yes
by grass he meant weed and by weed he meant crack.
It’s just not funny anymore with LD. This delusional douchebag needs to do the rest of us a favor and go die in a fire before “filming” starts on his “show”
@3 fuck your mother.
-LD
@3 he needs to die? seriously? chill man.
@3 – I agree. At first it was funny in an “aw shucks” kind of way. Like, “aw shucks, the market moved against me.”
But now it is sad to realize this guy has done so much damage to his head, he is incapable of rational thought. This is like watching Willie Mays play for the Mets, do we really need to see this?
“If I have to eat grass I will”
I knew I should have hired him at BSC
-J Cayne
@6 what are you talking about? I’m completely sound of mind.
-ld
why does he make eating grass sound like a hardship?
-j cayne
bull shit on the only sleeping 2 days a week thing. bull shit.
-larry summers
no really guys…he needs to die
Nails doesn’t sleep, he waits.
- Chuck Norris
“I only sleep twice a week. You caught me on my sleep day.”
Priceless!
I just remembered why my co-worker poured beer on Nails’ head at Wrigley. Douche. Bag. And this wi-fi on commercial flights rocks.
@11 why don’t you run him over with your Camero?
Lenny, hop in the car, shut the fuck up, and keep chewing.
http://reviewsion.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/mirthmobile.jpg
@15 What is a Camero?
They got a smoke machine and neon LED accent lighting, too? Cause my jet does.
-LD
@3 Jim Cramer
What are those in Lenny’s hand?
Twizzies or electrode butt plugs?
What was all that bullshit about playing in New York?
-Phillies Fan
Commercial: Tough as Nails: Season 3 premiere (VH1 10pm, 9pm CST)
[Lenny facing camera in interview chair]
“In Season 1 you saw my meteoric rise back to the top through my internship and eventual guest spot at CNBC’s Mad Money.
However, in Season 2 you saw my life fall to pieces, due a crippling addiction to Faberge eggs. Once the addiction took hold, it wasn’t long before I was in streets going by the name Candy Box singing “You’ve got the touch” with my penis tucked between my legs and fighting the homeless for half eaten boxes of Fig-Newtons. This season, I’m putting the pieces back together, and maybe, just maybe, getting that “Antonio” tattoo removed my from ass. Does ol’ Nails have what it takes to get back on top? Tune in to find out.”
@22 you don’t eat Faberge eggs.
@23 I know, you collect them.
Which will happen first? First episode of the ld show is on tv, or ld is arrested giving $5 handjobs in Chelsea
@25 the $5 HJ’s will be the premise of the first episode.
He may “only sleep twice a week” but he obviously takes a shit only once a year.
@27 why do you say that?
Lenny, do you have any money?
@25
How much for a zj?
@28…..in serious humor circles, a “joke” is the word for an ironic twist on reality such as to cause one’s own interpretation in one’s own brain to conflict with reality and produce certain brain chemicals that make us laugh.
In this instance, @27 refers to the “set up” of the joke wherein Mr. Dykstra indicates that he is still a serious contender for profitable investment advice and physically only needs to sleep twice a week in a sort of super human way. Then, like the quick wit that he/she is, @27 tangents off with a statement about how Mr. Dykstra only takes a shit once a year. Thus, @27 combines the absurdity of taking a shit only once a year with the inference that, as a result, Mr. Dykstra is thus “full of shit”. Voila….a joke is born.
I hope that joke briefing helped you, Mr. Cramer.
Sincerely,
~The Joke Briefer
From me to you Lenny:
GET OFF THE FUCKING CRACK.
@30 If you have to ask…you can’t afford it big man.
@ 31
Greatest. Response. Ever.
-not 31
Dear DB Staffing,
@31 should be hired immediately.
Regards,
@27…. Brilliant.
@Trojan
If you have to ask…
Seriously, you couldn’t handle it though, its intense (so Nails told me)
I’d pay 2/20 for Nails and Busey Ltd Offshore Vol Arb Series 1 Levered
Seriously. Is he drunk ? IN the midst of a stroke ?
Still awesome though, keep it up Nails !
I hope Nails doesn’t have to take a drug test for this job.
Nails:
The reality is that there is probably not a reality show in your future.
A more realistic future for you will be sitting in prison for a few years for financial fraud.
Lenny:
Are you getting ready for your soon to be ex-wife to take you to the cleaners?
Man, that is gonna hurt!