Sorry for the all-caps but guess what I'm not sorry because this is the one we've been waiting for. In an interview with Dan Patrick, L-Dykes says that after turning down twenty offers, he's finally decided to follow in the footsteps of the greats (The Buse, Stephen Baldwin, Haim and Feldman) and give us what we want: an all-access pass to Lenny town. What will the show be about? "Reality," Nails says. "Life man. Living the dream." Later, Nails claims that he and Jim Cramer are still tight, and that JC is really broken up about what happened, which strikes us as a crock since he's yet to turn Mad Money into a Save Nails telethon, which is what a true friend would do. Also:
- "I still have the jet" (despite evidence the contrary-- the private plane was taken away in February-- we pray to the god of brain damaged all-stars this is true, as you know how LD feels about flying commercial)
- "If I have to live in the street I would"
- "If I have to eat grass I will"
- "Thousands of people still invest with me" (and every tip he's dispensed has "worked out")
- "I only sleep twice a week. You caught me on my sleep day."
Take ten and listen to the whole thing now, or take the rest of the day and play it on loop. I don't have to tell you it will not disappoint.
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:20PM
fuck hell yes
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:22PM
by grass he meant weed and by weed he meant crack.
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:24PM
It's just not funny anymore with LD. This delusional douchebag needs to do the rest of us a favor and go die in a fire before "filming" starts on his "show"
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:26PM
@3 fuck your mother.
-LD
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:26PM
@3 he needs to die? seriously? chill man.
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:27PM
@3 - I agree. At first it was funny in an "aw shucks" kind of way. Like, "aw shucks, the market moved against me."
But now it is sad to realize this guy has done so much damage to his head, he is incapable of rational thought. This is like watching Willie Mays play for the Mets, do we really need to see this?
Posted by NakedShort , Jul 24, 2009 1:27PM
"If I have to eat grass I will"
I knew I should have hired him at BSC
-J Cayne
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:28PM
@6 what are you talking about? I'm completely sound of mind.
-ld
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:29PM
why does he make eating grass sound like a hardship?
-j cayne
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:30PM
bull shit on the only sleeping 2 days a week thing. bull shit.
-larry summers
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:31PM
no really guys...he needs to die
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:31PM
Nails doesn't sleep, he waits.
- Chuck Norris
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:31PM
"I only sleep twice a week. You caught me on my sleep day."
Priceless!
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:32PM
I just remembered why my co-worker poured beer on Nails' head at Wrigley. Douche. Bag. And this wi-fi on commercial flights rocks.
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:33PM
@11 why don't you run him over with your Camero?
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:36PM
Lenny, hop in the car, shut the fuck up, and keep chewing.
http://reviewsion.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/mirthmobile.jpg
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:38PM
@15 What is a Camero?
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:39PM
They got a smoke machine and neon LED accent lighting, too? Cause my jet does.
-LD
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:41PM
@3 Jim Cramer
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:43PM
What are those in Lenny's hand?
Twizzies or electrode butt plugs?
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 1:56PM
What was all that bullshit about playing in New York?
-Phillies Fan
Posted by highlyconfident , Jul 24, 2009 2:02PM
Commercial: Tough as Nails: Season 3 premiere (VH1 10pm, 9pm CST)
[Lenny facing camera in interview chair]
"In Season 1 you saw my meteoric rise back to the top through my internship and eventual guest spot at CNBC’s Mad Money.
However, in Season 2 you saw my life fall to pieces, due a crippling addiction to Faberge eggs. Once the addiction took hold, it wasn’t long before I was in streets going by the name Candy Box singing “You’ve got the touch” with my penis tucked between my legs and fighting the homeless for half eaten boxes of Fig-Newtons. This season, I’m putting the pieces back together, and maybe, just maybe, getting that “Antonio” tattoo removed my from ass. Does ol’ Nails have what it takes to get back on top? Tune in to find out."
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 2:03PM
@22 you don't eat Faberge eggs.
Posted by highlyconfident , Jul 24, 2009 2:05PM
@23 I know, you collect them.
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 2:08PM
Which will happen first? First episode of the ld show is on tv, or ld is arrested giving $5 handjobs in Chelsea
Posted by Bess Levin , Jul 24, 2009 2:12PM
@25 the $5 HJ's will be the premise of the first episode.
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 2:32PM
He may "only sleep twice a week" but he obviously takes a shit only once a year.
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 2:33PM
@27 why do you say that?
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 2:37PM
Lenny, do you have any money?
Posted by trojan , Jul 24, 2009 2:37PM
@25
How much for a zj?
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 2:41PM
@28.....in serious humor circles, a "joke" is the word for an ironic twist on reality such as to cause one's own interpretation in one's own brain to conflict with reality and produce certain brain chemicals that make us laugh.
In this instance, @27 refers to the "set up" of the joke wherein Mr. Dykstra indicates that he is still a serious contender for profitable investment advice and physically only needs to sleep twice a week in a sort of super human way. Then, like the quick wit that he/she is, @27 tangents off with a statement about how Mr. Dykstra only takes a shit once a year. Thus, @27 combines the absurdity of taking a shit only once a year with the inference that, as a result, Mr. Dykstra is thus "full of shit". Voila....a joke is born.
I hope that joke briefing helped you, Mr. Cramer.
Sincerely,
~The Joke Briefer
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 2:46PM
From me to you Lenny:
GET OFF THE FUCKING CRACK.
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 2:50PM
@30 If you have to ask...you can't afford it big man.
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 2:55PM
@ 31
Greatest. Response. Ever.
-not 31
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 2:59PM
Dear DB Staffing,
@31 should be hired immediately.
Regards,
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 3:03PM
@27.... Brilliant.
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 24, 2009 3:14PM
@Trojan
If you have to ask...
Seriously, you couldn't handle it though, its intense (so Nails told me)
Posted by Seaman Bodine II , Jul 24, 2009 3:42PM
I'd pay 2/20 for Nails and Busey Ltd Offshore Vol Arb Series 1 Levered
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 4:42PM
Seriously. Is he drunk ? IN the midst of a stroke ?
Still awesome though, keep it up Nails !
Posted by guest , Jul 24, 2009 5:27PM
I hope Nails doesn't have to take a drug test for this job.
Posted by guest , Aug 07, 2009 2:24PM
Nails:
The reality is that there is probably not a reality show in your future.
A more realistic future for you will be sitting in prison for a few years for financial fraud.
Posted by guest , Aug 07, 2009 2:26PM
Lenny:
Are you getting ready for your soon to be ex-wife to take you to the cleaners?
Man, that is gonna hurt!