11:00 Music hold. Classical, with a hint of Lil Jon, which is LB’s fave, and has been getting tons of play in his Top 25.
11:01 Dane Holmes, head of investor relations welcomes you, invites everyone to help themselves to a hundo.
11:02 Reading of the press release
Let this be a lesson to you all: Goldman’s second quarter earnings “reflect the importance of diversifying.”
11:07 Real estate hurt, kinda bad.
11:12 Compensation expenses came out to $6.6 billion-ish; headcount was down 1 percent to 29,100. Each and every one of you are missed, but LB and his bitches gotta get paid.
Q&A
Guy Moszkowski, BAC, is up first, because he pays off the operators and is up first on every call: It seems your bid offers have improved, is that fair?
GS: They were flat-ish.
Glenn Schorr, UBS: You’ve been able to issue at tight spreads but not tight enough spreads.
GS: We’re not forced to issue debt if we don’t want to. We’ll do it at small amounts over time, we’ll get tighter as the world gets better. Don’t push us.
Glenn: Are you nervous about regulations and whatnot?
GS: No, you know we own every bitch’s ass in DC. You know that, boy.
Um, the next question was supposed to be from Meredith Whitney but it’s from some dude named Howard at Credit Suisse. What’s the hold up with Big Momma?
I miss Howie’s question, something about OTC derivatives, because I’m legitimately nervous/excited about what happened to the lady of the hour/what she’s got planned.
Big Momma is back, claiming the technical difficulty is that she had herself on mute which, I’m not sure who she thinks she’s dealing with, but we don’t buy for a second.
Meredith Whitney, Meredith Whitney Advisors: I initiated my first buy call in the history of Meredith Whitney Advisors yesterday, and I initiated it on your ass. How did that make you feel?
GS: It was good, uh, you know we always like people to like GS–
Whitney: NO– how did it make you feel? Did it move you? Did it groove you?
GS: Meredith, I’m not sure–
Whitney: Whatever, I know you liked it, next question. Did you get the signed headshot I sent you? Have you decided the best location to place it in the building? I’m thinking Lloyd’s office, or the main lobby. For those of you at home, here’s a free one. Print it out, paste it up. You’ll be the envy of all your friends and colleagues:
Mike Mayo, Calyon Securities: Can you quantify the change in backlogs from Q1 to Q2?
GS: It was down.
Chris Kotowski of Oppenheimer is trying to ask a question but someone on the Opp end of the call is cracking himself up and making it hard to hear. If this has anything to do with former colleague Mer Whit, you can all S-a-D.
Douglas Sipkin of Pali Capital (actually) wants to know when Goldman is moving into its new building, and if they need any boxes or bubble-wrap, which is better for moving bodies, cause he knows a guy. Apparently it’s going to be Q4 of this year, so plan to be busy that day because you can be sure they’re gonna ask.
11:50 Is L-Blanks thinking the same thing as us? That unless someone’s going to man up and let Max Waters take his place on the line it’s time to whip out the:
Do it, LB. You have the power.
12:01 We’re done here.
Classical? Oldies?
Live-Prairie Dogging while holding to Live-Blogging?
This is Lloyd Blankfein: we made a shit ton of money. Everyone have a great day.
Great, Dane, just great.
Please pass the curry if you would. Thank you very very much.
shouldn’t the head of investor relations be a hot chick? or is this the secret to goldman’s success? chicks w/ dicks?
@6 worked for me.
-SC
Vik@5 get back to work.
Dane, show us your tits.
“being a good steward of capital means will will cut a bitch to make a dolla”
why does Guy Moszkowski always sound so nasaly?
question from meredith:
“LB, how much of these profits are to be attributed to my ‘buy’ call on you guys yesterday?”
I’m rich, BITCH!
God these pricks are boring the ass out of me.
-LB
@12 nice
Does Meredith ask if her promotion fee hit her account yet?
@12 are you saying they don’t have me to thank/blow for the favor?
-mdubs
Big Momma still checking if the money hit the account yet.
Big Momma is lying about the mute. She’s been bought.
Kerfuffle
Im 99.9% certain that Big Momma is packing a tree trunk under that dress.
Big Momma waiting for the email from Goldies with the layup question she is supposed to ask
is big momma the dollar dom’s new nickname? i like it.
Big Momma ftw
big momma:
” a bit more enthousiasm pls or i will come over there and sit on you.”
Ohshutup! She did not say that, did she?!? That momma got balls!
big momma here, did you boys like that? god, I am the best conference call participant ever. nobody does it better than me. who wants a rally today? I have the power.
i gotsa knows … did anyone ask “who is yer ceo”?
I want to make some sex with MW.
Shafeef
MAYO
@29 MW= Maxine Waters?
She’s sporting a lot of jaw in the pic. I hope it’s not incipient pituitary disease.
@31 you must be a god damn genius, gump.
Shafeef? Is that you? Its me, Mustaffa. Remember?
when’d mayo go to Caylon?
why can’t ONE of these pussies ask a good question? what are they afraid of?
GS = Kenny Powers
@analyst– march.
https://www.clsa.com/about-clsa/media-centre/2009-Media-releases/top-ranked-us-banking-analyst-mike-mayo-will-join-clsas-u.s.-broker-dealer-affiliate-calyon-securities-usa.php
Big Momma here. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.
-Big Momma (aka the artist formerly known as the dollar dominatrix)
Pass the dradle, bitches. Its Moisha Time!
MW makes me embarassed to be an equity research analyst
@41 again, kiss my ass and suck my dick. And it’s “Big Momma.” Get it right, peasant.
-Big M
When are we going to hear some self-righteous indignation from the Whte House over Goldman’s profits?
I forgot you don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
Suck my tits and cup my balls, infidel.
-Big MW
@43 uh, you won’t simpleton. the wh is not going to touch this. where the bitching will come from is congress.
@44 haha
Tweak my nips and twist my teats, plebe.
-Big MW
I feel weird looking at that headshot for more than 5 secs and have to physically look away.
38 I heard him on BB this morning and didn’t make the connection that CSI is Calyon
Mount my ass and clamp my balls, peon.
-Big MW
@49 csi is calyon securities, which is what it says.
@48 good, it’s working.
Herd my ass and suck my teats.
-Big MW
My penis is biggerer than my husband’s.
Big MW
Bess, your knowledge of Rap is appalling. It’s Lil Jon, not John. He’s Jonathan Smith.
@36 because they don’t wanna get a taste of what happens when LB rocks out with his glocks out.
@56 what happens then? Danza slap?
@41
you mean you weren’t embarassed to begin with?
a guy who use to work in equity research.
mike mayo on the rebound and takin NAMES
I think MW looks hot in that pic. Scary hot. Like she’d fuck you and then kill you in your sleep.
What is the spread on number of Danza slaps that MW has issued/received?
i think the real question here is how MW sent that headshot through the phone…
time to return to 2006!
Models and Bottles, bitches!
Hamptons Summer ’09!
It’s not too late!
-mrp
At 29- I take it english is not your first languauge.
@62 I take it you’ve never seen Ghost Dad.
@Last Man Standing (55) Jonathan=MOT?
He doesn’t come across as MOT, doesn’t have that jewish look. But then, neither did sammy davis jr.
she has man face
@64
his name is shafeef, what do you think einstein?