In Maxine Waters' most recent step towards her Holy Grail of legislating Goldman out of existence, everyone's favorite Representative from the IOU state wants CDS banned for good. Drawing on her many years of experience as a derivatives guru, Mad Max now thinks that financial stability can only be achieved by putting the kibosh on credit default swaps.
Credit-default swaps are one of many contributing factors to the current economic crisis. Preventing all credit-default swaps is essential to bringing stability to the market and preventing a similar crisis in the future.
If only she believed that preventing the financially illiterate from proposing derivatives legislation was essential to bringing stability to the market and preventing a similar crisis in the future.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:32AM
Greg
They're all just jealous, honey. Remember: You're smart, capable, and most importantly, you are free in all the ways that they are not.
The pilot light on the stove is out again. Could you please have a look next time you come upstairs?
Hugs & Kisses,
Mom
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 10, 2009 11:32AM
there ya go champ, short, sweet.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:41AM
Gregory, your last sentence requires grammatical repair.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:44AM
Greg, this is actually a succint and witty post. Maybe I shouldn't have abandoned you.
-Your absentee father
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Jul 10, 2009 11:47AM
@Anal: gotta disagree. short, sweet.. until it falls totally flat on its face. My intern could do a better finish. Here, take it away, intern:
In other news, Waters proposed a federal stork-eradication campaign to help control overpopulation.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:48AM
Greg,
This is truly a poor excuse for a post. I shouldn't have hit you harder.
-Your Abusive Step-Father
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 10, 2009 11:49AM
@Perkins
Bar is set pretty low so a "win" is all relative, but yea, no doubt
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:52AM
Greg, buddy. I'm putting that mess of a last sentence below. Please correct it and I'll never mention it again.
Dealbreaker may be a fun web site, but please don't treat it like a text message composed by an illiterate lout.
"If only she believed that preventing the financially illiterate from proposing derivatives legislation was essential to bringing stability to the market and preventing a similar crisis in the future."
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:52AM
"Drawing on her many years of experience as a derivatives guru,"
That made me laugh
-Mr. Goldman Sachs
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:52AM
@6
How's the weather down in Charlotte, Ken?
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:54AM
Greg, this was a great post.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:55AM
BLANUS!
@====<8
Posted by merkin capital partners , Jul 10, 2009 11:56AM
just listening to her pronounce credit-default swaps caused my father to both abuse and abandon me.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:56AM
This:
"If only she believed that preventing the financially illiterate from proposing derivatives legislation was essential to bringing stability to the market and preventing a similar crisis in the future."
is your best quote on DB Greg. Keep it up!!!
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:57AM
Maxine is a hottieeeeeeee!
-Danny Pang
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 11:57AM
Greg, I am so sorry! It is not your fault! My spermatazoa must have been really old.
-- Greg's biological (donating) Father
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:02PM
@8
All he needs is an ellipsis at the end.*
-David Foster Wallace's Ghost
*Greg's still a gaping anus, though.
Posted by Investorcluzo , Jul 10, 2009 12:08PM
we'll done bess, you gave greg a bone and he has pleased the masses (kinda). we've heard from dad and mom, now I'm waiting for greg's english teacher to chime in.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:09PM
If you WSJ editors of mine don't get off this site and get back to work your new boss wil be Jeff Macke. Don't make me do it. Don't even.
`RM
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:16PM
Greg-
I enjoyed last night, but pls wash more carefully under the sac.
- "Piggish Power Bottom" from Craigslist
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:17PM
Hey mental giants,
Did you fail to notice that most of Greg's last sentence was paraphrase/quote of Rep. Waters' language??
Jeez, give the kid a break, it was a good post.
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Jul 10, 2009 12:18PM
@anal: you're right. baby steps, baby steps.
@bess: where's our daily CG-in-Vegas update?
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:22PM
Greg, you did good, it actually made me laugh, that's a first for your posts
Posted by streethockey , Jul 10, 2009 12:24PM
Honest to G-d, she should not even be a shift supervisor for a bakery, let alone represent LA. Then again, if you have ever been to the areas she represents (Watts, South Central), you might realize that she is the cream of the crop. they lap up every conspiracy theory she dishes out (CIA drug smuggling, US govt killing blacks after Katrina, etc.). she does nothing for them and she is their hero.
go ahead and call me racist. my family are LA refugees. you try living there and get back to me.
Posted by streethockey , Jul 10, 2009 12:25PM
Honest to G-d, she should not even be a shift supervisor for a bakery, let alone represent LA. Then again, if you have ever been to the areas she represents (Watts, South Central), you might realize that she is the cream of the crop. they lap up every conspiracy theory she dishes out (CIA drug smuggling, US govt killing blacks after Katrina, etc.). she does nothing for them and she is their hero.
go ahead and call me racist. my family are LA refugees. you try living there and get back to me.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:30PM
@ 25, whatever you call it, it's racism. no place for it here.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:32PM
24-25
your family's are refugees from LA - they are fiscal refugees?
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:33PM
@25
You're a racist. There, i said it.
A. Hitler
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:34PM
Obama "looks like Maxine from behind"
Oh là là - US President snapped checking out delegate's bum!
He may be the world’s most powerful man but even Barack Obama is not immune to the charms of a nice bottom!
http://www.bild.de/BILD/news/bild-english/world-news/2009/07/10/barack-obama-nicolas-sarkozy/oh-la-la-us-president-checks-out-bum-of-g8-delegate.html
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:38PM
Why did Bess let Greg pen her story?
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:41PM
@24 Word up dog! Hopefully the Messiah will now recognize this WindBag's acumen and let her join forces with Kenny Feinberg.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:43PM
The problem with your hit piece on Waters is that there are plenty of other people who are not financially illiterate who agree with her statement about CDS.
Posted by HeadlessHorseman , Jul 10, 2009 12:43PM
Nice work Greg. These past couple months have been a bit like watching a one-legged retard learn to ride a bike, but you're making progress.
On another note, it's almost hard to believe a Democrat would sooner ban something outright instead of holding pepople the that misuse that something responsible. That's why my assault rifles aren't registered.
How coconuts such as herself get into position of moderate power is something I'll never really understand. Says a lot about her Congressional district though (there but for the grace of God go I).
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:44PM
Dear Greggie -
Your writing has gotten much gooder! Keep it up!
Your English Teacher
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:44PM
I'm the cream of the crap at Capitol Hill and the best speller,too.
if you have problem with me, it's your problem not mine.
Why would someone say good luck to you when you need it first?
I don't understand you people.
-Maxine-
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:46PM
@26 you are the poster child for liberalism is a mental disorder. Nothing was racist about 25's comment. Go back to picketing to end the war.
Posted by HeadlessHorseman , Jul 10, 2009 12:46PM
"the people" as opposed to "people the"
and
positions*
It's almost like this damn Red Bull has cocaine in it or something!
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:47PM
out of the park, Greg!
(though it was a softball, natch)
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:47PM
Greg,
get your head out of barney frank's fruit basket and go back to writing tech manuals.
-Bess
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:48PM
It might just be the picture, but it appears that Maxine Waters is an African American.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:50PM
@36
26 is the kind of nasty politically correct spineless hypocrite that stops a lot of issues from being addressed..
fuck him and all of his kind.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:51PM
@40 - go away, racist.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:51PM
@40 though she behaves more like an american african
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:52PM
Little Richard wants to do what?
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:57PM
@25.... Very true!
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 12:57PM
@44 - very nice call!
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:00PM
I was under the impression CDS were invented by the financially illiterate, you know, the HBS, et. al. crowds.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:04PM
Look closely at that picture. Either it is photshopped or it is Barack Hussein Obama in drag.
This country is going down by gettin' down.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:05PM
OK Maxine @47 - you know you're not allowed to post without adult supervision.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:06PM
@26, clearly you've never been there.....
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:10PM
I cannot imagine that the financial system could ever operate without CDS. Someone told me that the financial system once did not have CDS but I didn't believe him.
Posted by InfiniteGuest , Jul 10, 2009 1:13PM
@32 name one.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:16PM
Maxine mastered the slang and the bang and the mental of [folks] in Compton, Watts, and South Central. And even though she never ran the turf, she still claims she did the dirt; she never had any business anyway, so save the drama, jerk.
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Jul 10, 2009 1:20PM
@29: don't repost drudge bait nonsense. Great snap, totally inaccurate as the video shows: http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8049121
Not that my head wouldn't have been swiveling like Sarkozy's. That's some ass.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:26PM
@54- Don't fall for ABC's propaganda of trying to pretend somnething didn't happen. Obama and Sarkozy are CLEARLY looking at the same piece of ass in the video......true O's head was down, but look in the direction of his eyeballs.....Completely busted. Not that there is anything wrong with that, other than a network lying for the guy.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:27PM
@20 "piggish power bottom" = LOL
read this in nymag sex column too i assume
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:29PM
Was the last sentence English or Greg-ese? A blend of sarcasm and smug self-righteousness.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:31PM
@49 - you strike me as young, naive, and believe you know alot......CDS are barely 10 years old, the market survived centuries without them, and it is beyond dispute they did not perform as intended when turbulence hit the market. Is there some positive impact they have had that everyone else is missing, or did you get paid on the number of those things that moved across your desk?
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:33PM
MAD MAX. The IOU State. Not bad.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:36PM
Foshizzle Maxinizzle
CHOAD
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:40PM
You libs keep voting for these AA cases... see what happens to our country
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 1:57PM
@61 AMEN!!!
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 2:02PM
@26 Was it the molesting by your father that made you such a wacko lib??
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 2:07PM
I was I was black. It is the proverbial get-outta-jail-free card.
- Not Racist
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 2:07PM
I wish I were black. It is the proverbial get-outta-jail-free card.
- Not Racist (but not a grammar icon either)
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 2:12PM
@26 I'd like to see your winny ass spend 1 minute there. You need to stay off this site and remain in your treehouse eating your tofu and donkey punching your younger brother.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 2:30PM
@26 You are obviously a product of AA. Now we understand. Sorry if anyone here insulted you. You check is in the mail.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 2:37PM
IMO people's voting power should be derived from the ammount of taxes they contribute to the pot.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 2:39PM
@65 not racist nor smart. Surely you've made yet another typo- only whites get get-out-of-jail free passes. Just ask Duke lacrosse team, NYC cops that shoot black cops...white guys get the slaps on the wrist and benefits of the doubt. Black guys go to jail- ask Michael Vick... Any white qb would have gotten probation for the sane crime. Just sayin'
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 2:47PM
I heard Maxine is a Jewesse.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 2:48PM
I am black.
Posted by NegativeConvexity , Jul 10, 2009 2:54PM
69 = Orenthal James Simpson
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:02PM
@26 - you be speakin trute to powa.....
Tawana Brawley
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:03PM
#69, #65 here. Let me amend my post by saying "I wish I were a black _politician_". In any case, hope you know that the Duke lacrosse team was innocent against a lying hoebag (plus, they go to Duke, isn't that punishment enough?). And I don't see Tom Brady shooting dogs in his spare time, do you?
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:07PM
Tom Brady doesn't shoot dogs, but he does nail some fine bitches!
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:08PM
@69
the Lacrosse case? I hope you're being sarcastic. Either that or we have a DB first. Al sharpton or Jessie Jackson is posting.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:16PM
@72: 69 here... Didn't they sentence OJ for the LA murder in Vegas last year? So much for double jeopardy clause
@74: whatever. You couldn't survive the scrutiny and double standards a black politician faces. If Sanford Palin or Ensign were black, they'd be vilified like Clarence Thomas or Sotomayor or Patterson. And misunderestimated, to quote GW or Dan Quayle.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:17PM
Dad - I searched for you for years and finally found you! But just read this horrible post and decided to abandon my quest in shame and embarrassment.
- Greg's love child
Posted by NegativeConvexity , Jul 10, 2009 3:22PM
77 = Donte Stallworth
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:23PM
#65/74 here. Sotomayor is not black (she is hispanic).
My theory on black politicians is that they are, for the most part, elected on their race and not their political views or experience. And they tend to sensationalize things to appease their conspiracy (read: excuse) seeking voter base.
Of course there are exceptions, but this is the general premise.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:23PM
72, 76-- notice you're giving the white guys the benefit of the doubt. How can you have such strong feelings for a case that you only know the soundbites for? There's no similar get out of jail free for anynon-white. so much for blind and impartial justice, fairness and other myths of democracy.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:24PM
First!!
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:30PM
C
U
Near
Tawana
'rence Thomas
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:31PM
@80 general premise aka hasty generalization, stereotype, categorical thinking, myopic framing... Your argument is based on a mosaic of logical fallacies. All politicians are elected to represent their constituents. To the extent that the constituents' have heterogeneous beliefs, ideas, values, and interests, we necessarily expect them to have different viewpoint.
Your theory is weak, based on faulty premises. I won't bother to dissect that nonsense.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:32PM
Now that this Greg post has successfully smoked out the racists here, and a great number of comments have been generated, does this mean that Greg gets to keep his job? Bummer.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:33PM
@80 BOOM!
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:34PM
Is it a stereotype and myopic just because it's the sad truth? Sure all politicians reflect their constituents. Unfortunately, Maxine's constituents are poor, uneducated, and, yes, black. She appeals to them by fighting against the "white financial power" without first understanding the situation or checking her facts.
Who's Tim Geithner's CEO? We need to have a roundtable discussion on why they paid themselves fees!
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:35PM
Good article, but why post a picture from the Jackson funeral?
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:37PM
When a girl has diarrhea, and you ask her to fart in your mouth, but she squirts a little diarrhea in your mouth when she does it. It makes you sick, so you vomit, but you vomit in your own crotch. Then, she puts her vagina against your vomit covered crotch, and queefs. At the same time, she starts her period, so your crotch gets covered with menstrual blood too. The acid in your barf start rotting her cunt, and chunks of it fall off. Her 4 year old comes in and eats the chunks, and you chop both of their heads off with a tomahawk.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:37PM
Can anyone quote me the spreads on Bernanke?
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:43PM
Bess/Beth: Time to have another talk.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:45PM
@89 - As far as I can tell, your comment has no relevance to finance whatsoever. Also, please take your medication.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:45PM
87- it's myopic because you naively mistake narrow perception for reality and truth. You are a mental midget. Waters rails against Wall St not white financial power- though it's interesting that the two seem interchangeable in your mind. She is far from the only politician to champion her constituents rights. The fact is that wall st fucked up and came begging for a bailout. Hard to reconcile with free market ideology. That's what got Max mad.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:48PM
@93,
We're bailing out Main St. too, aren't we? Obama's gonna pay our mortgages! The fact that you use personal insults "mental midget", etc. is just sad. You get laid off from your esteemed IT perch?
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:50PM
You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:51PM
#93 = Jacob Zuma and/or Cornel West!
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:51PM
94 clever comeback.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:55PM
Anyone that defends Maxine "Raging Bull" Waters (ahem, 93) should be strung up and hun..., yea, just strung up.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:55PM
96- incorrect. I'm just another product of affirmative action
-93
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:58PM
Howard University REPRESENT!
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:58PM
100 for the Greggers.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 3:59PM
98 that seems more humane than tar and feathering me, or dragging me behind your pickup truck.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 4:12PM
Can't we all... just get along? We are the world
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 4:23PM
@89 - I know the punch line . . . "THE ARISTOCRATS!"
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 4:26PM
#102, we prefer pitchcapping.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 4:37PM
I thought Mad Max's question/statement on CDS was more coherent and honest than Turbo Timmay's response.
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 4:45PM
89-
I'm seeking a partner for some new venture ideas I have floating around, of which I determined half an hour ago, pretty much years ago. Nod if you understand. Interested? I am trying to communicate with you through the TV.
- Return of the Macke
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 5:01PM
150?
Posted by guest , Jul 10, 2009 5:11PM
108 let's do it...blanus!
Posted by KevinB , Jul 10, 2009 6:33PM
@92 - You're right, but I was still LMAO.
@104 - FTW!
Posted by guest , Jul 13, 2009 1:43PM
@89, wow.
Posted by guest , Jul 14, 2009 1:44PM
uh oh, will greg's post set a new DB comments record? I have to admit, it was smart of him to make those comments about Waters' constituents to get this thread to take off and thereby secure his position